[indigo1015]

Okay, I need advice very, very badly. I'm attending evening classes at a career college four nights a week, and in most of my classes, there's a woman who absolutely terrifies me. She's not mean, she's very nice and friendly, but she's so like all those people with whom I've dealt before - she doesn't accept or can't understand that I handle my relationships differently than her. I am much more reserved and withdrawn than she is. Why? Because I have been burned so many times in the past, and I refuse to wear my heart on my sleeve anymore. And yes, I am a bit moody - I am bipolar, and although my condition is stable, I still can experience situations when I need to be as alone as possible (which is difficult when I work and then go to school, so I'm constantly around people). She doesn't pick that up, she still comes over to me and talks to me. But she can definitely sense that I'm a bit more intense than she may be comfortable with. Don't get me wrong, I am not rude or mean to her when she does this, but I am a bit withdrawn and I don't say much. I go back into my shell. And she doesn't seem to accept that it may be different from the way she handles her emotions, but just because it's a different coping style doesn't automatically mean it's bad. She seems to think it is because of something she has said or done, which is never the case. But I resent that, in order to clear my name, I would have to share my whole life story and be exposed. Why can't she simply take me as I am? I won't hurt her, but people have to give me time. Time to get comfortable around them. Time to open up. Because I don't trust people until I get to know them in my own way. And I am absolutely terrified that, because (although I've done nothing wrong) she can sense that I am different and she doesn't understand, this woman will start a"witch hunt" against me and ruin me at the school. I know this sounds extremely paranoid and psychotic, but maybe it wouldn't if you understood just how many times it has happened to me before. By exactly that sort of person. And what can I do? We take a lot of the same classes and we are around the same people when we're at the school, and if I outwardly avoid her, it will probably make things worse. I'm so, so scared...

[roads]

Yes, I know that woman. Well, the type.

If you've got the energy for it, turning the tables on people like this sometimes chases them off. Ask her about herself, ask her for her life story beginning with where she was born and leaving nothing out. These folks what to know all about you but often are very secretive about themselves.

You could also be polite but direct and tell her that you're there for classes. After working all day, that's all you have energy for. Maybe she could organize a post-graduation get-acquainted picnic?

Seriously, indigo ... Your fear is what she's most likely to pick up on. Being assertive with her, either asking her questions about herself or saying directly, "I've worked with people all day--nothing personal, but I need my energy for class," is what will keep her from speculating about you. Don't act as if you're trying to get away from her--tell her to give you your space, in whatever words you choose.

She's basically a gossip, and it was Gossip Girl who zeroed in on me. As soon as I started quizzing her back, she left me alone and found someone else to examine and spin tales about. They seem scary, but they scare pretty easily if you focus on them.

You can do this. Any bipolar determined enough to work full time and continue her education is a strong woman--so look her square in the eyes with the attitude of, "Go away! You bother me!"

Hang in there and ace them classes!
Roadie

[Seiya]

Yeah.... I find that most people don't care too much if someone is untalkative, but there will always be that one person who thinks they need to "help" you. Sometimes those types think that they are actually doing you a favour by trying to make you talk. It's really frustrating when others think that their way is the only way. When you think about it, they are being silly. Instead of feeling scared, I would imagine how goofy she looks, talking to someone who clearly wants to be left alone.

[indigo1015]

I wish I could... it's just been my experience that those people hold A LOT of power... and persuasion :-( she probably would look goofy to me if I weren't so scared, the question is, how does she look to everyone else?

[winter4me]

Maybe like she is bothering someone who doesn't want to be bothered. You might not be the only person who finds her behavior annoying. You may be the one who doesn't send her away.
Especially at night school, most people are there to get the classes done and not much more.
I do like Roadie's ideas. But, I would also say, just be yourself, don't respond to her "is it something I did" behavior. There would be nothing wrong with having something else to do when she comes along (reading for class, texting a friend....). You are under no obligation to be friendly, or more than just civil. I think, if I am "hearing" you right, the trouble may come when you try too hard to be nice and then the person makes it look as if you had been "welcoming" and then "turned" on them. And, do Not tell her anything personal.

[indigo1015]

Thanks :-) Although right now, I'm only working part-time, but I plan to change that soon lol

Originally Posted by Roadie

Yes, I know that woman. Well, the type.

If you've got the energy for it, turning the tables on people like this sometimes chases them off. Ask her about herself, ask her for her life story beginning with where she was born and leaving nothing out. These folks what to know all about you but often are very secretive about themselves.

You could also be polite but direct and tell her that you're there for classes. After working all day, that's all you have energy for. Maybe she could organize a post-graduation get-acquainted picnic?

Seriously, indigo ... Your fear is what she's most likely to pick up on. Being assertive with her, either asking her questions about herself or saying directly, "I've worked with people all day--nothing personal, but I need my energy for class," is what will keep her from speculating about you. Don't act as if you're trying to get away from her--tell her to give you your space, in whatever words you choose.

She's basically a gossip, and it was Gossip Girl who zeroed in on me. As soon as I started quizzing her back, she left me alone and found someone else to examine and spin tales about. They seem scary, but they scare pretty easily if you focus on them.

You can do this. Any bipolar determined enough to work full time and continue her education is a strong woman--so look her square in the eyes with the attitude of, "Go away! You bother me!"

Hang in there and ace them classes!
Roadie