[Rose3]

Just finding myself confused. A male (barely an acquaintance) - mostly someone in passing - has been contacting me recently (and frequently).
So I'm wondering why? Most recently he brought up the topic of flogging and spanking, and I think that he said BDSM. Then he presented his flogging and spanking equipment, with explanation of why these activities are engaged in. This was in the context of his description of the people currently in his life - sounds like female with multiple partners, including one of his near neighbours. I realized later that - altho I listen to what he says, there is the possibility that he could be mistaken or delusional. (maybe she dumped him and now goes out with the other guy? - altho he stated that that this is the way they are connected).
Mention of someone else who had photographed female with bruises r/t this type of activity. Does anyone know more about these kinds of activities? I find myself feeling concerned and alarmed, but wanting to be nonjudgemental. During our chat, he spoke of massage, and I think that he asked me if I like massage (I said that I do not), and within this chat he spoke about poly, kinky, about he and she going out with other couples, etc. and how things do or do not progress. Probably my concerns are - is it safe for me to be around him? What does he want? Does he talk like to other people too? He seems friendly. What do these terms flogging and spanking really mean, - what are these activities really about? Is this a guy just going out and trying to use newly acquainted women? Does anyone have advice?

Originally Posted by Rose3

...What does he want? Does he talk like to other people too? He seems friendly. What do these terms flogging and spanking really mean, - what are these activities really about? Is this a guy just going out and trying to use newly acquainted women?

i think in this situation it would be extremely appropriate to ask him directly each of those questions, and not tip toe around what you are really trying to ask. After all, it seems he has not taken care to be any kind of subtle or vague- I really feel you need to be direct.

I don't know the situation in which you found yourself engaging in these conversations [how you know him initially], but for me discussions of sexuality and sexual behavior fall into two very discrete categories: intellectual/academic and personal/private.

intellectual/academic discussions are ones in which people might present personal experiences, but not in a way to invite others into those experiences, to apply pressure, or to make any kind of personal connection. it is for the sake of discussion, knowledge, debate, etc. Because of this, I might feel more comfortable engaging in such conversation with people i don't know as well- but certainly not one-on-one with someone I am not comfortable with. It would be in a group discussion atmosphere with the purpose of knowledge and discovery.

Personal/private- that would be where one shares experiences and personal beliefs or comfort levels with another, usually on-on-one, in an effort to learn more about the other person, have them know more about them, or to attempt to engage them in some kind of more familiar relationship [sexual, romantic, platonic, any given combination].

It isn't clear to me what the exact nature of hisintention is, as it is unclear to you. But it does seem to make you uncomfortable, and he appears to not pick up on that- which would be a red flag to me, personally.

If you ask the above questions in a direct manner, you will likely then be able to conclude whether you can feel safe around him or not.

if you already feel "unsafe", I would heed that intuitive warning and proceed with caution- its likely more about his behavior and how he is treating you and approaching you rather than the actual content of your discussions [as you seem to be willing to have an open mind].

[H3rmit]

I've known people into that stuff who seemed to like to broadcast information about it. This is about them, not me or you. Of course, it's somewhat of an invitation into the subject. I'm not interested in it, as seemingly neither are you. Josie had good advice. Mine: tell him you don't want to talk about this, or for him to contact you. If that's what you want. Yes, sometimes people get bruises from enjoyable activities (eg outdoor activities) and they even brag about it. However, I think that's kinda stupid and even stupider in a sexual context, so I would avoid the person for sure. If a guy I barely know is contacting me frequently, that's a giant red flag. You may feel differently.

[healingme4me]

Flogging, is a more severe type of spanking. It is BDSM. Yes, it can leave bruising.

You ask, why is he bringing this up to you? Perhaps, to entice you, feel you out, as a potential partner?

I agree, with Josie, directly ask him, why he is approaching you, with all of this.

Hopefully, you get a direct answer.

Originally Posted by Rose3

Just finding myself confused. A male (barely an acquaintance) - mostly someone in passing - has been contacting me recently (and frequently).
So I'm wondering why? Most recently he brought up the topic of flogging and spanking, and I think that he said BDSM. Then he presented his flogging and spanking equipment, with explanation of why these activities are engaged in. This was in the context of his description of the people currently in his life - sounds like female with multiple partners, including one of his near neighbours. I realized later that - altho I listen to what he says, there is the possibility that he could be mistaken or delusional. (maybe she dumped him and now goes out with the other guy? - altho he stated that that this is the way they are connected).
Mention of someone else who had photographed female with bruises r/t this type of activity. Does anyone know more about these kinds of activities? I find myself feeling concerned and alarmed, but wanting to be nonjudgemental. During our chat, he spoke of massage, and I think that he asked me if I like massage (I said that I do not), and within this chat he spoke about poly, kinky, about he and she going out with other couples, etc. and how things do or do not progress. Probably my concerns are - is it safe for me to be around him? What does he want? Does he talk like to other people too? He seems friendly. What do these terms flogging and spanking really mean, - what are these activities really about? Is this a guy just going out and trying to use newly acquainted women? Does anyone have advice?