[gnat]

When I was a teenager I remember this boy who I had no interest in had a huge crush on me. I didn't want to hang out with him, to be honest I just wasn't ready for a relationship due to a general mistrust of men, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Night after night he would call and I would give him some dumb excuse on why I couldn't get together. Finally I told him I was grounded for a month. My mom overheard this and grounded me for real for lying. When the month was up, he called again.

While all this went on I struggled with why this guy didn't get the hint. Why couldn't he give up and find some other girl? Why would he make me hurt him? Eventually I quit answering the phone and never returned his calls. After awhile he got the hint and quit calling. In retrospect, my attempt to save his feelings probably were harder on him than if I would have been honest and told him I just wasn't interested.

Since then I feel I have been at the receiving end of this many times. Calling a friend and talking about getting together, but it's never a good time for them. I try again and again and eventually my attempts fizzle out. I get it, they aren't interested in me anymore.

I still struggle with knowing when to give up. When people say they are too busy to continue any sort of contact with you, how much time passes before you give it another try, or how many attempts do you make before you realize this person just isn't interesting in continuing a friendship?

I do get that life gets busy. In the past I've had friends who've wanted to get together much more frequently than my schedule would allow. I would tell them I don't have time right now, but usually I contacted them when I did have time. I guess I do have one person still hanging out there. It's been a long time. I should call her....

Anyway, do tell me, in your friendships, where do you draw the line? How do you know when you're not wanted?

[curley]

Hey Gnat, this is how I usually operate. I would ask if someone wants to do something, if they say they are busy, sometimes I will say, how about tomorrow. If they are busy then too and do suggest another day, I would say, well if you want to get together sometime give me a call.

[Koko2]

Sometimes people just don't know if they want to continue a friendship or relationship. They keep you hanging because they're indecisive about it. At least that's how I've been a few times.