Home Menu

Menu


Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old Oct 29, 2013, 04:24 PM
Jf053013 Jf053013 is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Oct 2013
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 8
Ok so my boyfriend and I been together for 6 years now we have a two year old son he loves us but really never wants to spend time with us. Like he'll make up excuses we break up on and off so much and I don't want a boyfriend who I feel like I'm bothering and doesn't want us around. He'll break up with me and is fine with it and he only wants to see his son 13 hours a week and then when he wants to come back he'll come back Crien and begging. He really acts like he doesn't care about me but yet when were not together he's better towards me then when we are. I feel like I'm a bother to him but yet I no that he loves me and our son. Sometimes he'll say he wants to be alone but yet doesn't mind always being with his friends. He's still so immature also and that doesn't help but I'm over going out and drinking I want a family but yet we still don't do a thing as a family. He never wants to sleep at my house because we don't live together with live with our parent and when he wants us there it feels like its cause he has to be with us and well sleep there other times I feel all the love and other times I don't. It's like the first days we get back are awesome then he's over it. I just don't no what to do is there anyway to help change his ways maybe if I act differently instead of being Always there at his every beck and call and this great girl who never does much to him I don't no I need help looking for some help from someone who know a lot about relationships.
Hugs from:
gayleggg, healingme4me, I am human, Travelinglady

advertisement
  #2  
Old Oct 29, 2013, 04:42 PM
gayleggg's Avatar
gayleggg gayleggg is offline
Legendary Wise Elder
Community Liaison
 
Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 26,619
You need to realize that this guy is not going to give you what you need. You let him use each time you let him come back. You need to start working on being independent from him so you will be open to the love of someone that will treat you right. You two don't seem to have the same goals in place. Let him go and move on.
__________________
Bipolar I, Depression, GAD Meds: Zoloft, Zyprexa, Ritalin

"Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most." -Buddha
Thanks for this!
Jf053013
  #3  
Old Oct 29, 2013, 05:01 PM
Jf053013 Jf053013 is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Oct 2013
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 8
I sware there is more to it but maybe it's just me having an excuse. He can shut his emotions on and off and then does not let me go. But thanks for your help I guess your right like everyone else he's never gonna be what i need . Just wish there was a way to shut my love off for him if that's the case
  #4  
Old Oct 29, 2013, 08:05 PM
Travelinglady's Avatar
Travelinglady Travelinglady is offline
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 49,212
I'm sure you will always feel some bond toward him, since he is the father of your child. But I do think you need to consider what sort of model he would be for your son and if he is really the father and possible husband you need.
Thanks for this!
Jf053013
  #5  
Old Oct 30, 2013, 04:06 PM
Jf053013 Jf053013 is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Oct 2013
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 8
Quote:
Originally Posted by PAYNE1 View Post
I'm sure you will always feel some bond toward him, since he is the father of your child. But I do think you need to consider what sort of model he would be for your son and if he is really the father and possible husband you need.
Your absolutely right but even if I leave I can't take my son away ya no ? SO that's why I'm trien to see if I can stick around until he can grow up or help him .
  #6  
Old Oct 30, 2013, 10:48 PM
healingme4me's Avatar
healingme4me healingme4me is offline
Perpetually Pondering
Community Liaison
 
Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 46,298
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jf053013 View Post
he only wants to see his son 13 hours a week and then when he wants to come back he'll come back Crien and begging. .
Quote:
Originally Posted by PAYNE1 View Post
I'm sure you will always feel some bond toward him, since he is the father of your child. But I do think you need to consider what sort of model he would be for your son and if he is really the father and possible husband you need.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jf053013 View Post
Your absolutely right but even if I leave I can't take my son away ya no ? SO that's why I'm trien to see if I can stick around until he can grow up or help him .
13 hours is stuff, the judicial system would toss out the window, as clear evidence that he's not making a valiant effort to be a better father and provider.

I, personally find, the rhetoric out there, about kids needing a father, and the guilt mothers, like you and myself struggle with, is that we are feeling we are doing the right thing, by trying to guide the fathers to become better parents. Yet, the point, I see Payne1 as making, is that a role model of a father, would make every effort to split the time, with you, the mother, even if not together. 22 hours is considered 3% of the time with the child. 13 hours, is less than 3% of caregiver time. Math alone, is a wake up call, to me. Being told, today, that I have caregiver time of 97% was more than enlightening. I wonder, if that is what Payne1 meant?
  #7  
Old Oct 31, 2013, 07:13 PM
I am human's Avatar
I am human I am human is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Sep 2013
Location: San Diego
Posts: 22
Please listen, I understand so much where you are coming from, and yes he should have a relationship with his dad but you need to keep him at a distance from you that having him around once in a while (and you wait for it) is not good for you! find someone good for you and your son. He will always be his father and hopefully a good one but that on and off is slowly tearing you down, Think of what YOU want your life to be I wish you all the strength you need to find someone for the long haul, and above all be there for yourself and your son.
  #8  
Old Oct 31, 2013, 07:29 PM
IndieVisible's Avatar
IndieVisible IndieVisible is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Aug 2013
Location: NYS
Posts: 1,872
How old is he?
__________________
Follow me on Twitter @PsychoManiaNews
Reply
Views: 864

attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:55 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.




 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.