Need Help Understanding Why My Boyfriend is Sexually Uninterested

Hello All,

This might seems a little private but I have completely run out of opinions and options. So, to get to the point, my boyfriend (26) and I (20) are not having sex like we used to. Not at all like we used to. We used to have sex almost every night but since I moved into the same city as him last December, that has completely changed. Now, we only have sex about once every 2 months. We are both young, healthy, decently attractive individuals that share many things together. I am starting to really question if I want to continue in this relationship. I am begging for some help and not just the answer "leave him". He says, when I talk to him about it, that he is tired, or that I ask for it to much and it turns him off. I am losing my mind trying to figure out why he refuses to have sex with me. This may seem like a ridiculous thing to be upset about but it is making me incredibly sad, angry, resentful, and has effected by schoolwork, my eating habits, my job, and my behavior/attitude in general. I. DO. NOT. KNOW. WHAT. I AM DOING WRONG! Please, anyone, help me understand. Feel free to ask any questions, I am completely open! I need help before I do something I may regret. I am so confused and hurt.

UCBearcat18

Hi UCBear. Your question is understandable. I have been in a similar situation a couple of times. Both were because of different reasons. Since your boyfriend told you that you ask for it to much and that turns him off I would listen to him. If he is a good guy and nice to you in every other way then he is probably being truthful.
I understand how this change in your relationship can be frustrating, but the more you let it bother you the more he can see that. Your behavior, mad or sad, like that is just the same as asking him for sex all the time, do not let him see this attitude or behavior. So try to work on your relationship in other ways, focus on quality time, being sweet and getting along with him, without the mention of sex
If you usually cuddle at night I would do that too, but do not make any moves towards anything else.
I would try this for a while and see what happens. Be patient, give him more then a day or two LOL.
If this does not work then I say there is more to it then what he told you!
But give it a chance!
Good Luck

Thank you for your response. The only issue is that he has cheated on me twice. Once October 2012 (physically) and has been cheating with girls on the internet since January 2013 and only stopped a couple weeks ago. He says he is attracted to me and want to marry me. I am not unattractive! I do not understand why this happens. I do almost everything. I do laundry, make dinner, clean, take care of the dog, drive him to work. He helps a little but only with a push. I go to school fulltime and work fulltime as well.. But while I am at school or work he is also at work so we see eachother all the time. I'm at a loss. Tried to talk to him about it last night (Asked him if he wanted to try to explore other people for a while) and he flipped out and said "No! I have been working so hard to be faithful to you! I dont want anyone else! Just am not in the mood 24/7 like you are!". Like somehow this is all my fault. I have talked out to everyone, to him, even his mother! I am lost.. I just want to have a meaningful sexual/emotional relationship with this man. I love him.

UCBearcat18

Funny thing, first thing that came to mind was whether this had or was happening. The cheating, I mean.

*note: really bad sign is his saying "I've been really working so hard to be faithful to you!" Umm no. Hun, I'd hate to say this so bluntly but if he truly loved you and wanted something seriously, with you, then why is it even difficult to be commited to you? Shouldn't be a chore to be faithful if you're really in love with your partner.

Time to move on, tbh.

Blunt and honest response apart..
Here is a big big hug for you. I'm not in the same situation but i know how it feels to be not valued enough.
I think you really know already what to do..just you want to know why this is happening to you. You do everything and its not enough...he needs to know your value..
Need to step up. Stop talking to him for few weeks ..no contact..and see what happens. Does he even miss you..and if he misses you is it more like he misses his future wife plus mistresses on the side life?
You have to deal with this before its more confusing and complicated. I wouldn't trust every word he says so easily..his actions should prove otherwise.
Please step up..be cold..uncaring..like really you need to be treated like a princess.
Khalas.xox

Hey there, I just want to start out by saying I second the advice that Curly gave. Also, I think that you need to have him help you out more around the house- it might help bring you guys closer- and also, no offense, but it sorta sounds like you're a bit of a doormat. I should know, I used to be one.
I can see that he has a fidelity issue, and he took you for granted and now regrets it. It may take him a while to warm up to you a bit. Perhaps a couple counselor might be a good idea? Good luck.