[liz0614]

Now that I am divorced and trying to get on with my life, how do I forget past hurt and learn to trust again in a new relationship?

[mylifeart]

well that's a good question... it takes time, there are going to be reasons you don't trust, and if you get into a new relationship you should probally share those reasons with your new potential relationship!! I mean that's what I would do! If you tell that person the reasons and they shatter your trust yet again, then that's probally not a healthy relationship for you! If they respect your reasons you will know, , they will try to make you feel secure and show you that you can trust them.

but it takes time, have you ever thought maybe going to therapy to work some of these mistrust issues out, maybe so you can recognize the type of reltionships you would want to avoid.?

[tinyrabbit]

There were two things that helped me. I think I needed to do both these things together, not just one or the other.

1. When I met my husband, I decided not to make him prove himself in ways he shouldn't have to. He should have to earn my trust. He shouldn't have to constantly prove he wasn't my ex-fiance.

2. I also made some firm dealbreakers in my own mind and actually wrote them down, kind of like a manifesto for myself. So, while I didn't expect my H to prove he wasn't my ex, I did have other expectations.

Before I came up with my list, I spent a lot of time studying other people's relationships and asking myself what I thought was good, bad, healthy, unhealthy, etc and worked out what to look for, not just what to avoid - it's much easier to look for good, functional, trustworthy behaviour than to look for the absence of dysfunctional or abusive behaviour, if that makes sense.

Originally Posted by liz0614

Now that I am divorced and trying to get on with my life, how do I forget past hurt and learn to trust again in a new relationship?

The way that you state it makes me wonder, how long has it been that you've been apart from your ex? That's a big factor. Thing is, I don't think anyone should rush into a serious relationship soon after a break up of any kind that was serious.

I have been separated from my wife, working on the divorce for over 18 months now and to be honest, I'm glad I didn't ever get into a relationship the whole time. I know that even at this point, I'm not at all convinced I'm ready for that.

Be patient, take the time to work on you, be independent and do things you've always wanted to when you were married but couldn't. Take care of yourself and when the time is right you won't have to ask the questions anymore.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by liz0614

Now that I am divorced and trying to get on with my life, how do I forget past hurt and learn to trust again in a new relationship?

Take the time, to heal your wounds from the marriage. Take a good look at him, you, and the relationship. Lessons learned, etc.

Learning to trust again, involves taking a good look, at repeated patterns, in your life, so as to avoid, repeating them, in the future.

I used therapy, to help, learn how to approach the single life and as a means of helping me, look at my needs list, so that, if I ever saw red flags, I would spot them, right away and know how to walk away.

Being able to trust yourself, seems to be a key element in learning how to trust another person.

[Sharp_Lace]

It takes time.

Being single for a while can help. Come to the realization about what was wrong with your relationship.

Make sure and take things slowly. You'll find its easier than you think.

But we do become wiser from our past mistakes.