[mokette11]

Hi,

I'm gonna try to be as concise as possible despite the complexity of the situation.

I'm a first year student at this small university. Back in september, I was with my very good girl friend Alicia on campus during an event and we randomly started talking to a guy around 1 AM. Turned out we spent the night talking with him and right away our conversations were extremely deep and diverse. We (he and I) share a lot of common beliefs have an extremely similar way to see our surroundings and life in general. We stayed with him until 1 PM the next day and it truly felt (for me, at least) like I'd known him for a long time. Also turned out that Alicia and I had a class with him on Wednesday mornings.

So, next Wednesday, we see him in class, hang out with him during the day, and volunteer at this student thing at night. At 8, I return to my rez room and they take the bus home. I saw him a few times that week, mostly with Alicia, too. Then on the next Wednesday, after volunteering, Alicia has to go back to her house right away so he stays on campus and we hang out just the two of us for the first time. At that point, I was very intimidated by him b/c he's extremely transparent, honest and spontaneous and I felt that he was extremely knowledgeable.

You have to know that I have a hard time dealing with people who express their feelings extremely clearly for various reasons, including that I've never been able to express mine when younger, and I seek profund relationships with guys b/c my dad was never emotionally present for me and feeling left out was a big part of my childhood for a variety of reasons.

So. That night, we talk from 8 to 1 outside about anything and I feel less and less intimidated by him. We seem to connect in a peculiar way that I've never experienced before. Then, around 1:30ish, we head to my room to my room b/c it's cold outside and we talk some more. Then, around 3, we aknowledge that there's no bus left for him to return home and we akwardly realize we kinda "have" to share a single bed. At first, he offered to sleep in a very uncomfortable position so that it wouldn't be awkward, knowing that we'd only known each other for 2 weeks, but anyway, after 30 minutes of trying to sleep in weird and unpractical positions we silently decided to sleep together properly. After a few minutes, we grew closer and eventually spent the night cuddling. It all felt natural and I wans't uncomfortable at any point.

Two days after there's this party off campus. We go the three of us and at around 2, Alicia sleeping over at one of our friend's dorm, we take the bus to go back to rez. But he follows us even though his house is farther away from rez than from where the party took place. While walking towards our common friend's room, he tells us very bluntly (and slightly intoxicated) that he's "in love" with the two of us. He then defines love as a very broad spectrum of emotions and says that it doesn't mean romantic love, but rather profund affection and appreciation and deep intellectual/emotional connection. At that point, I find the dynamic between the three of us extremely unusual but nonetheless enjoyable. I don't have any problem with it as I understand that we met through uncommon circumstances, and that he met the two of us at the same time, and that Alicia and I are very similar, etc.

Anyway. That night, we spend the night together again but we also make out. The next morning, I tell him I'm afraid it'd ruin something if we took things too far and we agree on letting things be while, for now, keeping them the way they are.

That was a month and a half ago. Since then, we slept together (cuddling and being extremely affectionate) probably 10 times, spent an extremely large amount of time alone together, saw each other almost every other day, I spent the night at his place a few weeks ago (he lives with his dad), we shared some extremely refreshing and unique moments, also mundane ones when we just enjoyed each other's company, we had some profund and extremely challenging discussions. He told me at several occasions that he felt alive when he was with me; he shows me quite often he appreciates me and he offers to pay for a lot of things when we go out. He suggested we'd take a bus out of town this weekend to go see a show so I'm leaving with him in a few days to spend 72 complete hours with him over there. I'm still extremely close to Alicia but she is quite distant towards him as she finds him extremely intense in his way of thinking (it's hard to describe him but I think the best way I can find for him is "intense").

What I like about him is that he challenges me both emotionnally and intellectually when we have discussions. I feel like I am the purest version of myself with him and he is extremely honest, which I find refreshing but also sometimes unsettling.

It is very hard for me to see objectively what is the nature of our relationship and I'd like to have some input. I have a tendency to assume that people don't necessarily appreciate me (especially guys) b/c of my relationship with my dad so it's kinda hard for me to tell myself he's being totally honest when he openly says how much he appreciates me. Rationnally, I don't doubt his sincerity, but there's just this pattern of thought I have that makes me doubt.

What do you guys think? Thank you SO MUCH!!!!

[mokette11]

Please share you thoughts! I know my message is long but I'd really appreciate it if you took the time to respond

I am not sure exactly what to say but I have to mention a couple of things that kind of concern me.

Your description of him seems to lack much negativity at all... in fact any possible negative aspect of him seems to brushed off as if it's all just your own fault even thinking anything possibly flawed with this guy. It's almost as if you've described a perfect man in your mind. It concerns me because it makes me wonder how much of this is the real guy and how much of it is your overlooking any negatives and writng them off. He almost sounds like he's not even human.

I'm not trying to be harsh. Just wondering if that's ever crossed your mind.

Secondly, the fact that when he was a bit inhebriated that he said he "loved" both of you. That's not love, that's lust. Which is entirely possible, but unless you're willing to get into a relationship with a man that is quite honestly open to showing his desire fro more than one woman at a time, I don't know that this is a minor problem.

My gut feeling, and I could be wrong, is this guy, if he truly looks that honest, perfect and wonderful to you.. I don't know.. I just feel like there's moer to this guy than you really know.

Honestly? Tread carefully. I hope you're right about all those things (other than the duality of his desire) I would be happy to hear it works out for you.