Intrusive Uncle!

Wow. I joined this forum for totally different reasons, so it's so cool how many diverse topics you can write about here.

So.. I sort of knew this was coming. My uncle who is a money-maker and potential provider for me, who has offered to pay for grad school for me when and if I should go, finally met my boyfriend of 3 years maybe six months ago. My boyfriend works retail, is 34 years old, has a BA but is weary of going back to school for a more career-oriented degree. He is a low-maintenance sort of guy who is happy to have food and beer and friends. I'm 30 now and have a job with the city. I work part time but have been considering a new career or career advancement.

Like a surrogate father, my uncle is warning me of the potential hazards of staying with my boyfriend. Who I love! I don't care if his eyes aren't on the money prize, even if mine are. For many reasons I want advancement- not just for a better income but also for mental stimulation-- I've been doing the same jobs for 7 years and I'm bored and want more responsibility. Anyways my uncle is nudging me to move on, since clearly my wants and needs are different than my boyfriend's.

I find this offensive, though well-meaning. I'm sad to think that my uncle thinks of my guy this way.

I think that he is just trying to protect you but it doesn't mean that he is right in his assumptions. A lot of relationships still work well even when people have different career goals.

If you can, maybe give it some time? Let your uncle get to know your boyfriend and what he is like. Let him learn his other positive traits which are the reason you are with him.

I guess it bothers me so much because it's a fear I too, have. What if I get a new job and I'm all wealthy-feeling and my BF is still wearing torn up jeans and socks with holes?

For now we're in the same income bracket but I don't want to be this poor forever! My income is <$30000 and I have a bunch of debts. Where we live it's pretty expensive and I can't afford things like a car (which could come in handy). Another thing is I come from a poor family and my BF comes from a middle class one. So he thinks being exuberant and fashionable is wasteful since that's what his parents have done. For me it's like I want to buy fancy shoes if I can!

Plus, I think because of our different upbringings, I'm more ambitious than he is. I dunno how much this counts overall. I think time will tell. I don't want to be shallow and would like to think that the emotional quality of our relationship is what counts.

We never know where relationships are going to end up. Things may change or tehy may not. The main thing is do you love him? Can you see yourself spending a long time with him?

If so, I would suggest giving it a chance and seeing what happens. Things change, people change. As you said, time will tell what happens. If you grow apart then it is something you can address in regards to where you both see yourself in the future.

You're right you're right. I do love him.

People differ, relationships are about meeting eachother in the middle and learning to compromise. Just because your bf isn't interested in making mega millions doesn't mean he doesn't want a good quality of life.
Just because ripped jeans and holey socks are ok now, doesn't mean it will be enough for him forever.

I agree that you 2 should talk, see where he sees himself in future and if your goals lead you to a similar path.

If your uncle is under the impression your bf's on the deadbeat spectrum, then I can see where his concern stems from. So maybe uncle needs a clearer picture of bf.

My ex was a deadbeat, no drive no ambition, mostly broke by choice. I was always working and financially independant even though we "share" a daughter. A future with him (minus what actually went wrong) would never had made me happy.

My bf is the polar opposite, driven, ambitious, working his arse off to make the big time. What is attractive to me about this, isn't the potential money he will make, but his passion for life, for his career path. I find it super sexy. That being said, I can no longer work fulltime if I want to stay sane, and am ok with making enough money to sustain my daughter and I, and it woud break my heart if he thought I was no longer good enough because our financial and career goals differ like night and day...

Talk to him, and try to carve out some middle ground.