[Ali43555]

Hello,

I have had these 2 good girl friends for a while in college. The 3 of us get along well, and always hang out on the weekends. We have many inside jokes etc. However, them two have a class together monday-friday, and I'm not in it. During the week they are constantly together, getting lunch etc, and they never invite me. I figure this is because i don't see them that morning in class. I know if I asked to come, they would be more than happy to include me because they are really nice girls. Once in a while, they do ask me to come for dinner, but not always. On thursdays, i always make plans for us on friday and saturday, but for this weekend I decided not to to see if they would text me first. They haven't. I know one of them is sick and was definitely not going out, but why hasn't the other one texted me? I know she is good friends with her floor, but i went out with her and her floor last weekend and we had a really good time. Also, I am definitely friendly with the girls on her floor. I repeat, when the 3 of us are together on weekends, i really feel a connection with them and i truly believe they like me. So why don't they include me all the time? It's not like they are that close with other girls, like they are close with me. Everyone else is just secondary, but the 3 of us are really close. I even hang out with one, and not the other sometimes. I am hoping that the other girl isn't doing anything tonight either, so i do not feel bad. I mean it's snowing and freezing here, so there's a good chance she isn't, right? sorry just trying to be hopeful/ am really kind of in denial. Should i say something to them? if so, what?

thanks.

[Anika.]

"I even hang out with one, and not the other sometimes" ~ Ali

Well, there you go. You sometimes hang out with one, and not the other. I am sure they sometimes hang out with other people and not you. That is pretty normal tho for adult friendships. Everyone needs their freedom to spend time with other people. Doesn't mean they don't like you.

You've made a few threads about these girls. Sounds like maybe you are struggling with your self esteem?

Maybe also ask yourself how you would feel if they were secretly hoping you were not having a good time because they were not having a good time. Would you feel that would be very caring or friendly?

Is there other people you can hang out with? Maybe it would be good to make some friends outside of these two, so you would have more people to hang out with.

[Ali43555]

Well we have a 3-way text, and if one girl doesn't come the other one still does. but the other girl is always invited. Also, all i was saying is that i hope the other girl didn't go out and just chilled on her floor instead. not that she's unhappy or anything like that...

[Anika.]

Is there any social clubs or anything you could join to meet some people?

Yes it can be hard being in a group of three, and sometimes feeling left out or wondering where you stand.

I can understand that.

Your other option is to talk to them and explain how you are feeling. But even so it wouldn't hurt to try and make a few friends outside of these two who you could make plans with as well.

[holdsback]

I have similar feelings that people are doing things without me with a purpose. I know this is because of something that I am feeling. It's even harder with girls sometimes because we keep things very on the DL about our feelings and our hardships.

Try being honest with them?

[Lonely_90]

Communication is key.... They are use to you making plans right? So maybe since this week you didn't they feel the same way you do... When I was in college I was in a sorority do I had several different "friend groups", by the time I was a junior and senior I had one solid group... I didn't ever wait to be invited anywhere , because we were friends like that... If there was plans it included everyone... I guess it sounds kinda rude but I always just showed up at lunch lol we would cram 10-12 people at a table... Just talk to them, if they are as good of friends as you say then you shouldn't have a problem sayin hey do u mind if I come to
Lunch with y'all this week.... Good luck... If they act like your not invited then maybe it's time to reevaluate these friendships, cause my friends wouldn't mind if I just showed up

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[Ali43555]

thank you for all of your support. thankfully, they reached out to me before i reached out to them for once.

Originally Posted by Ali43555

Hello,

I have had these 2 good girl friends for a while in college. The 3 of us get along well, and always hang out on the weekends. We have many inside jokes etc. However, them two have a class together monday-friday, and I'm not in it. During the week they are constantly together, getting lunch etc, and they never invite me. I figure this is because i don't see them that morning in class. I know if I asked to come, they would be more than happy to include me because they are really nice girls. Once in a while, they do ask me to come for dinner, but not always. On thursdays, i always make plans for us on friday and saturday, but for this weekend I decided not to to see if they would text me first. They haven't. I know one of them is sick and was definitely not going out, but why hasn't the other one texted me? I know she is good friends with her floor, but i went out with her and her floor last weekend and we had a really good time. Also, I am definitely friendly with the girls on her floor. I repeat, when the 3 of us are together on weekends, i really feel a connection with them and i truly believe they like me. So why don't they include me all the time? It's not like they are that close with other girls, like they are close with me. Everyone else is just secondary, but the 3 of us are really close. I even hang out with one, and not the other sometimes. I am hoping that the other girl isn't doing anything tonight either, so i do not feel bad. I mean it's snowing and freezing here, so there's a good chance she isn't, right? sorry just trying to be hopeful/ am really kind of in denial. Should i say something to them? if so, what?

thanks.

I think mixed in with your post you've already answered your question. I don't think there's any ulterior motive to their not calling, texting or inviting you, just circumstantial. I think they would opt out to going to do something on the weekends if they didn't like you or want to hang out with you.

As for this weekend, the one is sick, who knows what's going on with the other?

Seems to me at the core of this, you're relying on them too much in the sense that you're doing a lot of comparisons with how much time THEY have together as opposed to time with you, who texts first and everything. You hve placed the time with them on such a high pedestal when it fails to happen you're devastated or disappointed at the very least.

If they are your friends, nothing bad is happening, then trust them. Accept that they are there when you call on them and don't over analyze the times that they happen to have something to do other than hang out with you.