[RamblinClementine]

Yesterday this aunt called. She also called about a year ago with the same request, that I make space in my 1bd apartment that I already share with my BF. She says it's my responsibility to take care of my mentally ill, homeless brother. Our grandparents raised us, our mother lives in a halfway home and our father can barely take care of himself.

He has already lived with 4 uncles, 1 aunt, and my dad unsuccessfully, as well as in a boy's home for ones with mental illness. One uncle has tried to set him up with the same boy's home again. All my brother has to do is go to 10 meetings, where they also feed him breakfast and lunch. So far he's shown up to none. He is 23 years old.

My aunt only talks to me to guilt trip me and I feel very bad. I have GAD and have had major depression to the point where it's compromised my position at work. I feel like I'm barely managing my own life, just skirting by, living paycheck to paycheck and in debt, and yet she doesn't respect these things nor consider that my own mental health is fragile as well, albiet not as drastic as my brother's diagnosis or schizoaffective disorder. However I take meds whereas he refuses to. Bleh

Tell your aunt that it IS NOT your responsibility to care for your brother ... It's HIS responsibility.

If he refuses to attend meetings, counseling sessions and take his medications, then he'll just have to accept the consequences for not doing what he knows he's supposed to do.

How in the heck is that your responsibility?

Feel free to show this to that aunt.

If she's so concerned about his welfare why doesn't she provide him with shelter?

Again, don't allow her or anyone else to guilt trip you into doing anything you aren't comfortable doing.

Period!

You need to set a very firm boundary. Tell your aunt that you cannot do it. Tell her "no." My therapist has told me many times that "no" is a complete sentence.

Will your aunt get upset? Probably. But that is her issue. Not yours. If she demands an explanation, tell her it is not feasible with your housing space and that you and your partner don't want a roommate. Even if it is a sibling.

My brother has a lot of problems. I have my own mental health issues. Us living together is not an option. It would be a bad situation for me.

It's OK to say no. *hug*

[hannabee]

NO NO NO that is just wrong of her. It is bad enough that apparently your parents failed both of you, it is NOT her place to make you feel guilty over this. He is NOT your responsibility at all. You did not bring him into this world. You owe him nothing! Please please go easy on yourself, you are doing well enough, don't let someone else bring you down! Hugs.

[RamblinClementine]

It's hard! Especially when it's cold outside and whatnot. But ya. It's not my fault.

[Secretum]

It's not your fault that your brother is sick and homeless, but I do believe you have a moral obligation to help him. This doesn't mean that you need to house him (clearly you don't have much space in your 1 bedroom apartment) but you can help him in other ways, like taking him to his doctors appointments and inviting him over for dinner so that he can have some warm food in his belly.

He probably isn't going to these meetings because he is too sick to find the motivation to go. If you or someone else in your family has time, you should accompany him to these meetings.

He probably is not being lazy, and he almost certainly doesn't want to be homeless. I know that his illness is baffling at times, and it seems like he refuses to help himself. But no one deserves to sleep on the streets.

Originally Posted by RamblinClementine

Yesterday this aunt called. She also called about a year ago with the same request, that I make space in my 1bd apartment that I already share with my BF. She says it's my responsibility to take care of my mentally ill, homeless brother. Our grandparents raised us, our mother lives in a halfway home and our father can barely take care of himself.

He has already lived with 4 uncles, 1 aunt, and my dad unsuccessfully, as well as in a boy's home for ones with mental illness. One uncle has tried to set him up with the same boy's home again. All my brother has to do is go to 10 meetings, where they also feed him breakfast and lunch. So far he's shown up to none. He is 23 years old.

My aunt only talks to me to guilt trip me and I feel very bad. I have GAD and have had major depression to the point where it's compromised my position at work. I feel like I'm barely managing my own life, just skirting by, living paycheck to paycheck and in debt, and yet she doesn't respect these things nor consider that my own mental health is fragile as well, albiet not as drastic as my brother's diagnosis or schizoaffective disorder. However I take meds whereas he refuses to. Bleh

Your brother is an adult. Unless he is married, there is no one but himself that would be responsible for his care. Sounds like he's not trying too hard to get on his feet and do the right thing, and that in no way should be on anyone else, especially not a sibling.

it's up to you whether you take him in and the fact is, she has no say in this. If she cares so much for him, she can do it herself. She's passing of the person whome she can't handle herself onto others via guilt.

Stand up for yourself and just tell her like it is.

[RamblinClementine]

I would have him for dinner and Drs appointments, but he lives 2hrs away and neither of us has a car. Also I am working six days a week to dig myself out of a LOT of credit card and tax debt! So my one day off is Sunday.