[SkaDad]

So, I met my now wife one night 6 months later we find out she is pregnant. We have the first meeting with my family - so far so good. We pop out the pictures of the scan me Ma is all aw look, its amazing, how wonderful etc etc. then she goes, jokingly "look at the size of the head!". Now she was clearly (well to me anyway) joking. The day carried on fine then on the way back in the car the wife let loose. Calling my mother dreadful names. I was taken aback and may have become a little defensive trying to explain that there was no offence meant and she was making a mountain out of a mole hill but it seems the damage was done. This has set the theme ever since. It hasnt just been me Ma though. At my daughters christening my brother went to take her from the wife for a cuddle - again, no one noticed anything wrong - then when folk had left - there was war! She made me ring my brother and tell him never to "grab" my daughter away from her again. My brother adores my daughter. Then there is my niece (6 yrs old at the time). She will not be in the same room as her. She thinks shes "a brat" and uses her possibly being present as a reason not to do a visit to my family. In minor ways my other brother and sister have not escaped but not worth mentioning.

This is all coming to a head now because of a throwaway comment my mother made yesterday that resulted in the wife ringing her and 'discussing' it. Suffice to say it didnt end in a phone hug! Now the plan for this year to go to mine for xmas has become we dont go there for xmas at all but I can visit them xmas evening (about an hour drive away) then we all go up to hers the next day. This means my daughter doesnt get to see her grandparents on xmas but even worse her cousins are over for xmas which has never happened before so everyone was looking forward to this.

I want to be fair but what can I do? This is doing my head in - I hope someone reads this and helps....

[cdd805]

Originally Posted by SkaDad

So, I met my now wife one night 6 months later we find out she is pregnant. We have the first meeting with my family - so far so good. We pop out the pictures of the scan me Ma is all aw look, its amazing, how wonderful etc etc. then she goes, jokingly "look at the size of the head!". Now she was clearly (well to me anyway) joking. The day carried on fine then on the way back in the car the wife let loose. Calling my mother dreadful names. I was taken aback and may have become a little defensive trying to explain that there was no offence meant and she was making a mountain out of a mole hill but it seems the damage was done. This has set the theme ever since. It hasnt just been me Ma though. At my daughters christening my brother went to take her from the wife for a cuddle - again, no one noticed anything wrong - then when folk had left - there was war! She made me ring my brother and tell him never to "grab" my daughter away from her again. My brother adores my daughter. Then there is my niece (6 yrs old at the time). She will not be in the same room as her. She thinks shes "a brat" and uses her possibly being present as a reason not to do a visit to my family. In minor ways my other brother and sister have not escaped but not worth mentioning.

This is all coming to a head now because of a throwaway comment my mother made yesterday that resulted in the wife ringing her and 'discussing' it. Suffice to say it didnt end in a phone hug! Now the plan for this year to go to mine for xmas has become we dont go there for xmas at all but I can visit them xmas evening (about an hour drive away) then we all go up to hers the next day. This means my daughter doesnt get to see her grandparents on xmas but even worse her cousins are over for xmas which has never happened before so everyone was looking forward to this.

I want to be fair but what can I do? This is doing my head in - I hope someone reads this and helps....

It sounds you both have had a very short relationship in terms of discovering one another especially with only 6 months of dating. So I’m not sure how well you know her history and past but definitely that is something you should start discovering.
Be fair to your wife first, she is your wife after all. Really learn to discuss your issues one at a time. One problem doesn’t become problems 1-10 and then you are now basically even confused why you are fighting. Try to see if you can sit her down, and ask her to talk to you calmly where both of you will be calm and respectful of each other. No name calling, bad mouthing, foul language of any sort (literally make sure it stays PG rated, once $#!^ is said things usually escalate quickly). This is a start so that you two can talk and learn to work through each other’s issues.
Honestly, if things can’t resolve rationally and calmly, you may need to seek counseling but tread carefully and let her know that you are only doing this for the relationship so it doesn’t worsen through the years. You want her to be happy, but you need to be happy too.
I hope things get better, you sound very similar to me as my ex-fiancee was abusive (verbally) to me and about my family. I pushed my family away and even had to tell them things similar to how you had to call your brother. Please don’t let this continue as it will only worsen and it’s not fair to you or your child.

[healingme4me]

Aren't u/s's, like that? Disproportional?

She won't allow blood relatives, to hold your baby?

A photo op, of family, is a good reason, to visit.

Is your wife, in counseling? What's going on, with her emotions?

Grandparents, do have legal rights. Most states, that I know of.

Sorry, you are going through this. She agreed, to marry you, doesn't give her the right, to fly off the handle, and not calmly have adult conversations.

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