[LILITH]

I try to love and respect everyone day to day!

[LMo]

I took a few conflict management classes last fall, and one of our instructors said something that really stuck with me.

It's not that we should treat others the way we want to be treated. We should treat others the way THEY want to be treated. She had to give me an example to make that work for me:

Let's say that your husband loves to be babied and pampered when he is sick, but you prefer to be left alone.

So, when you're sick, he babies and pampers you, when all you really want is to be left by yourself until you feel better. You think "if he really cared about me, he would leave me alone".

When he's sick, you do what you'd want him to do for you -- you leave him alone. So, he lays sick in bed, alone, feeling neglected, thinking "if she really cared about me, she would check on me every few minutes to ask if she can do anything for me".

I thought it was a really good point and I appreciated hearing that perspective (because it works EXACTLY like that in my house, only *I* am the one who wants the attention!)

The best thing to do, I think... is to try see things through the other person's eyes. Try imagine oneself being in his or her position or situation. Just because you think you know what to do for or what to tell that person... doesn't mean that you're right. You need to look further than to what is visible. Both mind and heart need to be a part of this.
We can't read the mind of others... but we can communicate in such a way that we get to know at least much more, about how this person is feeling and what his or her needs are. Our ears are very important! Not only to hear with- but to really LISTEN.

Nobody's perfect... We all fail in doing the correct thing... But trying to see things from another person's point of view, is a good start.

Another part of this is to be willing to forgive others. If I've done something wrong and I'm feeling sorry about that, apologizing to the person in question... I would be happy to be forgiven. So... if someone's making me sad by doing something to me... I should forgive too.

By writing "you" in this post... I don't mean that I don't need to think about this too! I'm faaaar from perfect! I should have written "we" instead of "you"... like LMo did.

Learning by doing! If we put our minds and hearts to it... and try to do our best to be good to others... then we'll grow in that knowledge as time goes by.

[Rhapsody]

<font color="#880000"> LoVe,</font>
<font color="#880000"> Rhapsody - </font>

[SeptemberMorn]

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It's not that we should treat others the way we want to be treated. We should treat others the way THEY want to be treated.

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AMEN to that!! It's called BOUNDARIES. It's called RESPECT FOR OTHER'S WISHES.

I think the Golden Rule means RESPECT others, treat them with the same respect you want to be treated. It doesn't necessarily mean DO for them what you want DONE; SAY to them what you want SAID.

My mother used to drive me crazy when I was sick. She'd be constantly asking me if I needed anything, she'd push liquids when I would rather sleep, she had a habit of rubbing my legs and sometimes I didn't want to be touched, especially if I was running a fever; my skin would be too sensitive. In other words, she SUFFOCATED me!!

That can happen mentally as well as emotionally. A cut will heal faster if you LEAVE IT ALONE! If you keep picking the scab, it could very well get infected, causing the healing to take longer. Scars form better if we keep picking at a wound. None of us wants scars!

[DavidStrong]

Back in the day, my Dad said, "remember the golden rule." At the same time, my sister and I said, "He who has the gold makes the rules." We just always thought that was what it was. Oops!

[SeptemberMorn]

LOL Yeah, it works that way, too.

You live and learn, right?

[radio_flyer]

amen to the Golden Rule ..