[Beauty2468]

I am 20, he is 20 as well. We had been together for 9 months. We are actually one day apart in age. In our relationship everything was great in the beginning as usually are. He was charmin, intelligent, sweet, caring, funny and a ggentleman. I adored him so much and he fell in love with me so hard, sometimes it had scared me about how much he loved me.

As months went on, I started to see an insecure side of him that I never recalled seeing in the beginning; he was actually very confident which I liked and found attractive. I had guy friends Thay I would talk to who I knew before him. But they were only just friends, that's it. He had my heart. But it was always in the back of his mind that I was showing something with them. He told me he felt like he was in competition with them despite that I was his official girlfriend. This is where his insecurities took over him and took a turn for the worst.

He would get angry over small things that I didn't agree on and shout at me, call me names and throw things around. He would hold my phone or take it while I'm sleeping at night and look through it. Everything just turned crazy. He stopped taking me out or doing small simple things with me. He would say he will do this and that, but it was ALWAYS bluff and lies just to keep me near. He would never stick to his word and actually follow through. He would make up lies about how his peers and family said they perceive me about being rude and stuck up, but i know it wasn't true because I know I'm a nice girl, I am just quiet at first. He would make up lies about what they have said, when in fact I was well liked by his people and him beside make made him look like a jerk because sometimes he would humiliate me on purpose or start arguments and betray me by trying to get others on his side. He had just become a very controlling, manipulative, vindictive, cold person all of a sudden. It wasn't constant. He would go back and forth from being the person I met to the mean person quite often. He hurt me really bad and I took a lot from him, more than I can say because I'm still kind of ashamed. I was nothing but nice and gentle towards him. I couldn't understand why he would actually go out of his way to be mean and constantly break up with me every month... especially if he supposedly loved me.

He opened up to me about his bipolar condition, but that was early on the relationship. I should've took that as a warning sign. He was always insecure about himself on the outside and saw himself as ugly and saw me as really pretty and a well liked girl that any guy would want. No matter how hard I tried to convince him he was just sure I was cheating on him. I had helped him emotionally, mentally and financially when things were down and always have what I could. But it would soon backfire because he.would always use me as a emotional punchingbag He had opened up about his past to me about his childhood. His biological mother wasn't really around. She had 7 other b kids. He was abused by her and most of his life his aunt which he calls his mother as well took him and took care of him. But his relationship with her isn't that good because of his past behaviors and it makes it hard for her to trust him. He was in foster care for a couple of years all the way to 18 when is when he aged out and became homeles. He has told me has been in many relationships before but they wete just short casualities that were nothing serious. He told me he was the first girl he ever really loved and I was his one and only love and the longest relationship he has ever been in. On the other have,.I had only one other relationship before him and that was for five years. He was inexperienced in how relationships work since it was his first real one. He told me all the other girls hurt him in the past as well as the woman figures in his life. I.believed he did love me and so did I. But why would he do all those hurtful things to me if he did? Is he copying from what he saw and experienced as a child? I just don't understand.

It hasn't been long since we broke up, but I still care for him. I feel sympathy for how he was treated as a child and no one deserves that. Iknow he is a good person deep down inside. It's just that his past exexperiences and pent up anger makes him lash out on those close to him. I just want to be a support person and encourage him to get help before it's too late. Should I or should I not? Do you think he feels guilty for what he has done?sometimes he puts on fronts but deep down inside he hates himself what he hasv caused and later apologizes. Should I just leave him alone or continue to stay by his side for support as a friend? Advice? Help?

[cdd805]

I think right now you should try to really look at yourself, as selfish as it sounds, and see how strong are you really? Things did not go well in the relationship, and you need to stop blaming yourself for all the things that went wrong. Both of you made mistakes, and you recognized the problems which is a great start for you. But can you be his support without causing “mix-emotions or feelings”? Will this confuse him more? Will this confuse you even? Really think about that before going back to him to be his support, as it may be perceived differently.
He needs to be able to get the help he needs by only wanting to get it. If he refuses or doesn’t listen, you can tell him over and over, and nothing will change. But know if his life is endangered in any possible way especially due to his mental health; please take the necessary actions to protect his life even if you have to report it to the authorities.
Lastly, you have to realize that just because he recognizes those issues doesn’t mean those issues are going away. I used to be the same way, not the exact same issues, but I would recognize my problems, say I need help but I never did anything about it. Fortunately I was never angry or violent, but it took time for me to work at my issues which I still am.
I hope this helps, and I hope you stay strong for yourself.