How to fight....

I do not have good coping skills for my anger. I have trained myself to recognize when my blood is starting to boil and I will leave the situation to avoid saying or doing anything I will regret. When my husband and I argue, I often times attempt to end it by saying "I don't want to talk about this right now", which loosely translates to "I am about to explode. I need some time to calm down". Unfortunately for me, my husband is not one who likes to just stop talking about it. He wants to keep on. He peck-peck-pecks at me to keep talking about it even though I am seeing red. I have tried leaving the room, to which I get him mumbling under his breath behind me about how immature I am or something along those lines. I feel like I am making the smartest decision to remove myself (and my anger) from the situation. He feels disrespected if I don't finish the conversation. I feel disrespected that he won't give me my space to cool down.

I am to the point now where after years of asking him to back off during those moments, that I am going to tell him that if he wants to keep on fighting after I've asked to leave - then I am going to give him the fight he's looking for. I will just start blowing up on him and all the damage and pain that will cause our relationship. I don't care anymore. He pushes me to keep talking about it, which leads to me blowing up, and then his feelings get hurt because I just blew up. I don't understand.

Hi cam
Instead of saying "I don't want to talk about this right now" say what you really mean.."I am really angry right now and about to explode and don't want to say things that are going to hurt you. I need some time to cool down. we can talk about this after I have had some time." that way you are communicating what you really feel and it doesn't come across that you are trying to avoid the subject. Welcome to Psych Central. You will find that we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. You will get a lot of support here. Again, welcome.

Doesn't sound like he wants to fight, from how your last paragraph reads.

Some men(perhaps women, too, but for the sake of this post, men), aren't keen on the notion of their spouse/significant other, pulling away/withdrawing/halting conversation, and I wonder, if this isn't what possibly goes on for him, as well? He may want you to be completely, honest, in the moment?

Which leads, to your point, where you are too angry, in the moment, to articulate your precise emotion/feeling/opinion, without wanting to or feeling like you are about to, 'explode' at him. I can respect, that you don't want to do that to him. Yet, you've come here, and posted, which denotes a desire, to try and not have such turmoil?

I like, what kaliope, has given for a response. I'd take it a step further. Can you give me a moment, right now, to just breathe, collect my thought, I am really angry and don't want to explode at you. BUT, instead of halting the conversation to a later time, sit there, even to just hold his hand, and state that you need a moment, to feel what it is that you want to express, so that it's not accusatory, nor curt in tone. ((This will only work, provided he's not mocking, nor abusive to you...if he were, there's other advice to be given))