[sarajane231]

My fiancé left me like a bolt from the blue, with really no warning sign that his feelings for me had changed. A few days before it he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said "How did I ever get so lucky?" He was honestly acting TOTALLY in love until 3 days before he went.

I know without any doubt that there is no other woman involved and feel very confused about what has happened.

We were the happiest couple alive. Constantly kissing, always holding hands, always laughing, endless hugs, each other´s best friend, sex still going strong after 5 years together. He told me constantly how happy he was, he showed it in his actions. Even just a few weeks before it happened he was telling me that he couldn´t wait to marry me.

Moreover, we lived together with my son and his son, so we were a family. We had a home. A commitment. A life.

There was never any fights, never any issues between us. It was total bliss and we were the envy of everyone we knew. All our friends and family were SO shocked.

However, I know we were under EXTREME stress in our lives, and he was showing signs of depression. I also know he was trying to be strong and supportive for me, but did not discuss his own pressures with me at all.

I know that when we got under this pressure, I changed and became anxious and tearful a lot of the time. He has said this drained him; which is his only reason for leaving. I could go into the stress we were under but it would take forever to tell you it all. Suffice to say we had illness, big financial problems, a house move, job losses, humiliations at work and being overworked, loss of a big dream of his. It was a terrible time.

The final straw was when we got hit with a pretty big crisis, that he blamed me for causing. This occured 3 days before he left... and after being quiet and withdrawn for a few days, he left, ended it by text and rented his own house without even talking to me or explaining what was going on. I was just SO shocked!

As he was the breadwinner and I had reclocated from london up to Scotland to live with him, he left me and my son with really nowhere to go. Since it all happened, he went from being the most devoted, caring, adoring partner to literally not caring if I was dead or alive. He literally cut me off completely.

I have seen him once since it happened, about two weeks after he left.

When I saw him, he was a completely different person. He had eczema all over his face, he had hives, he was vomiting ALL DAY every time he ate, he had chest pains, he could not wake up in the morning, he had constant headaches and was gripping himself in pain in his stomach all the time. I have never seen anyone so broke, and he cried all day and said a lot of strange stuff. He told me he still loved me desperately and that leaving me was the hardest thing he had ever had to do, but that he felt I brought stress and negativity to his life and it had driven him to a nervous breakdown and he had to act to preserve himself and prevent it ever happening again.

He said he felt like he didn´t love me anymore, but when he looked at me he remembered he did. It was so weird..he is usually calm, methodical, careful and very, very slow to act. It´s like an impostor has taken over his body. He was crying in the street! What I did notice was that his eyes were sort of dead.

What he is saying is partly true..he did nurse me through a major anxiety episode and I understand how tough and draining that can be, but it also seems like a cruel reason to leave someone. However, he had a legal battle with his ex wife, huge debt problems, huge work problems and I think it´s crazy to blame me entirely.

I thought we were helping each other, that we were a team for life, that we were in a loving and committed relationship. It all seems totally mad and makes no sense at all. He has now told me he needs to stay away from me because it is too painful for him to have any contact. He just cut me and my son out of his life and broke up our happy little family.

His mother tells me he is depressed and is very unwell and will take weeks or months to recover. She says she is trying to get him to see a therapist or a doctor but that he remains convinced that separation from me is the solution to feel better.

You have no idea how hurtful this was, because I was an adoring, kind, loving partner. I took care of him, loved him, was alwasy there to listen. We made love every day, kissed tenderly for hours and we were enjoying planning our wedding. How can he turn on me like this?

Can you tell me please if severe stress / depression of this kind can make a person stop caring about their significant completely? Stop loving them? I cannot understand how he completely changed to a different personality overnight and we genuinely did NOT have any problems at all in our relationship and yet he has broken up a family on a whim? He hasnñt even thought about the kids in all this.

Our kids are devastated, my son and I have been technically homeless and staying with friends and in hotels for a month now. I am bewildered and so shocked. Christmas is coming and our home and family are completely gone.

Have you ever heard of anything like this before?

I am just grasping for answers because I honestly believed I was with the gentlest most thoughtful man in the world, who showed me every single day for many years how much in love he was. He was always so thoughtful, gentle patient and kind that I cannot reconcile everything that is happenning with reality

[middie]

Originally Posted by sarajane231

My fiancé left me like a bolt from the blue, with really no warning sign that his feelings for me had changed. A few days before it he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said "How did I ever get so lucky?" He was honestly acting TOTALLY in love until 3 days before he went.

I know without any doubt that there is no other woman involved and feel very confused about what has happened.

We were the happiest couple alive. Constantly kissing, always holding hands, always laughing, endless hugs, each other´s best friend, sex still going strong after 5 years together. He told me constantly how happy he was, he showed it in his actions. Even just a few weeks before it happened he was telling me that he couldn´t wait to marry me.

Moreover, we lived together with my son and his son, so we were a family. We had a home. A commitment. A life.

There was never any fights, never any issues between us. It was total bliss and we were the envy of everyone we knew. All our friends and family were SO shocked.

However, I know we were under EXTREME stress in our lives, and he was showing signs of depression. I also know he was trying to be strong and supportive for me, but did not discuss his own pressures with me at all.

I know that when we got under this pressure, I changed and became anxious and tearful a lot of the time. He has said this drained him; which is his only reason for leaving. I could go into the stress we were under but it would take forever to tell you it all. Suffice to say we had illness, big financial problems, a house move, job losses, humiliations at work and being overworked, loss of a big dream of his. It was a terrible time.

The final straw was when we got hit with a pretty big crisis, that he blamed me for causing. This occured 3 days before he left... and after being quiet and withdrawn for a few days, he left, ended it by text and rented his own house without even talking to me or explaining what was going on. I was just SO shocked!

As he was the breadwinner and I had reclocated from london up to Scotland to live with him, he left me and my son with really nowhere to go. Since it all happened, he went from being the most devoted, caring, adoring partner to literally not caring if I was dead or alive. He literally cut me off completely.

I have seen him once since it happened, about two weeks after he left.

When I saw him, he was a completely different person. He had eczema all over his face, he had hives, he was vomiting ALL DAY every time he ate, he had chest pains, he could not wake up in the morning, he had constant headaches and was gripping himself in pain in his stomach all the time. I have never seen anyone so broke, and he cried all day and said a lot of strange stuff. He told me he still loved me desperately and that leaving me was the hardest thing he had ever had to do, but that he felt I brought stress and negativity to his life and it had driven him to a nervous breakdown and he had to act to preserve himself and prevent it ever happening again.

He said he felt like he didn´t love me anymore, but when he looked at me he remembered he did. It was so weird..he is usually calm, methodical, careful and very, very slow to act. It´s like an impostor has taken over his body. He was crying in the street! What I did notice was that his eyes were sort of dead.

What he is saying is partly true..he did nurse me through a major anxiety episode and I understand how tough and draining that can be, but it also seems like a cruel reason to leave someone. However, he had a legal battle with his ex wife, huge debt problems, huge work problems and I think it´s crazy to blame me entirely.

I thought we were helping each other, that we were a team for life, that we were in a loving and committed relationship. It all seems totally mad and makes no sense at all. He has now told me he needs to stay away from me because it is too painful for him to have any contact. He just cut me and my son out of his life and broke up our happy little family.

His mother tells me he is depressed and is very unwell and will take weeks or months to recover. She says she is trying to get him to see a therapist or a doctor but that he remains convinced that separation from me is the solution to feel better.

You have no idea how hurtful this was, because I was an adoring, kind, loving partner. I took care of him, loved him, was alwasy there to listen. We made love every day, kissed tenderly for hours and we were enjoying planning our wedding. How can he turn on me like this?

Can you tell me please if severe stress / depression of this kind can make a person stop caring about their significant completely? Stop loving them? I cannot understand how he completely changed to a different personality overnight and we genuinely did NOT have any problems at all in our relationship and yet he has broken up a family on a whim? He hasnñt even thought about the kids in all this.

Our kids are devastated, my son and I have been technically homeless and staying with friends and in hotels for a month now. I am bewildered and so shocked. Christmas is coming and our home and family are completely gone.

Have you ever heard of anything like this before?

I am just grasping for answers because I honestly believed I was with the gentlest most thoughtful man in the world, who showed me every single day for many years how much in love he was. He was always so thoughtful, gentle patient and kind that I cannot reconcile everything that is happenning with reality

My partner has done the same thing and he is in hospital admitted with a nervous breakdown......depression and anxiety.......I thought he was having an affair but he was hiding big debt and mortgage repossession from me as I am 8months pregnant with our child.

4weeks on ....he is still in hospital and won't see me. No phone contact....texts....nothing.

please read my postings ......there are a few other women on here with the same situations..........please read them........You are in the UK and are able to get some support and counselling from relate ....they take a nominal fee and nothing if you can't afford......also your GP can refer to for NHS counselling.

Please see "Shelter" they can advise on getting you and your son some rented accommodation and any benefits (Housing/council tax etc) that you are entitled to. Contact "mind" charitable mental health organisation (you can online) for advice re: mental health issues - they also have support and information.

There are plenty on here who will help support you and give you advice - please see your GP though and get some professional counselling......it sounds like you are having a terrible time....sending you a big hug ......you will get there and need to keep yourself strong for your child...x

[kittlies]

My ex did something like that- turns out she was hiding a major illness. Her thyroid had gone into overdrive and all her organs shut down. She didn't see a doctor until a month after she left me, by which point she had lost 100 lbs, didn't have the strength to stand and was hospitalized. Part of the reason she left was because she was always the strong one and didn't want me to see how weak she had become. Another was that she couldn't continue to take deal with me (I was unmedicated and generally awful to be around) while fighting for her own life. Another reason was that the illness has a mental health component that clouded her thinking.

She came back eventually, but as we had other problems, she didn't stay.

I'm glad he has his mother watching out for him, at least you know that someone is, as he won't let you do it.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. It sounds like you love him very much. I hope he gets better and that you can be a family again.

[hannabee]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. With his symptoms could he possibly have been taking illegal drugs and it just caught up with him? I hope you find peace and a new life soon!! Hugs.

A sudden change in personality can indicate anything from an STD to MI issues. He never mentioned feeling like this before?

I think the physical indications of his poor health say a lot about the state he's in, unfortunately if he's a grown man no one can make him go and get the help he needs. If there was something medical behind him leaving you I would wager it needs treatment pretty quickly. His reaction to you was nothing short of extreme.

I would speak to his mother, and explain that he needs to get help before you're willing to have anything to do with him again - after all you wouldn't want to go through this sort of thing again would you?

It might shock him into realizing that he needs to be responsible before he loses the life he built with you forever.

For now I would concentrate on both yourself and your son. Its Christmas soon but it doesn't have to be miserable, after all you have each other so you're not completely alone. If there is no family you can stay with there are usually women's shelters who could advise you or temporary housing if you contact the local council. Having a young son should definitely aid you in finding somewhere quite quickly.

I'm somewhat surprised his mother wasn't willing to put you up for a short time - did you have a difficult relationship?

I hope things work out for you - it must be very shocking but you know where your priorities lie you've just got to move forward. Eventually the pain will ease. Good luck.

[Purelife31]

I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. I just went through the worst of my situation. It is very painful to go through. You are at a loss as to what happened even in devastation. You never thought you would be sitting where you are right now. The thing that hurts the most are the unanswered questions.

From what you said, it seems like he does still care about you. He is just dealing with things that he chose not to deal with it. He probably held a lot of things inside and kept it to himself until it built to the point that he no longer knew what to do anymore, which caused him to have a total melt down. He has a very long road ahead of him to repair himself. I hope he gets help and talks to someone that can help him work through the original reason he is where he is now. There is a core event or situation that began all of this turmoil. It may have started before you even met him. Either way you are hurting and no one wins in a situation like this. I hope he finds some piece for what he is dealing with and it will take time but you will heal from this.

[sarajane231]

Thank you all for your responses. No! No illegal drugs.

No, no unusual behavior before, except that he has a history to not talk about negative feelings / problems as well as a habitual pattern of avoidance.

His Mum and I have a great relationship, but she unfortunately lives 2.5 hours from where my son goes to school. We have lots of family to go to -its just as I say, none of them are near enough to school so it´s been tough.

He has reacted like this one time before years ago after a very big stress, but he came round after 48 hours.

[lightinthesky]

My bf was a drug addict, it was a legal drug tho, prescribed by doctor. After rehab he gave me a call saying he doesn't want me and doesn't love anymore and cut off ties.
Just like you describe, he was the most caring and loving person I've ever met. Our relationship were like a fairytale in a real life, everyone adored us as a couple. We were also gonna get married.
I am not saying that your boyfriend is involved in drugs. I just want you first of all to take care of yourself. I spent 4 months trying to understand why my loved one did such a horrible thing to me after all support and love I gave him, every second I was asking myself questions "how? Why? Is it him really? Why he kept telling me he loves me and he CANT LIVE WITHOUT ME?" I didn't move anywhere trying to understand, I was only torturing myself. I had no job and no money because I spent it all for bills or rent while he was away in rehab. I was broke. I still an but I am better. One girl from here "middie" I believe she replied to you too, gave me an advice and said I need to take care of myself. You really need it. Look for some therapy for yourself, you NEED it, don't go through this on your own. I don't think you can change something right now, trying to understand will only give you pain. You need time, more time, live and recover and time will show you things that are hidden from you right now. And make sure you take care of your kid too. Xxx

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