[Buddy17]

Hi,
i was so confused to put on my decision about my marriage.. again confusing please i need your support..

i have been loving one guy since 2005(8 years completed). we got legal marriage on 2012. he hurt me nowadays. he is hiding me something. if he found any girl he wont listen my words. he wont call me and any text me.. that time i used to call him everytime and i ask him " why you are not calling me ? why you are not texting me? do you find any girl? are you trying to hide me something?""" he says " i dont have balance to call you or text you. dont think as stupid, moreover i am going to work so i cant able to spend time with you""
sometimes he will go somewhere by not attending my call even i did more..he will say sorry my mobile was in silent mode. it all things makes me "Mad".. now i dont have any trust on him. till now he had more affairs without my knowledge. if i ask him why you cheated me? he stated that if you believes me i will say about my friendship(still he saying that they are only his friends).. how can i trust him anymore???? am i wasting my time to loving him??

Really I am tired of my putting my life on hold for anything or anyone, which seems that, is what I always do. Am I just crazy to think this?

really i am tired of doing tracking him anytime.. sometimes i feels like mad.. All I want to do is cry all the time and just not sure what to do.

[will i get married]

Originally Posted by Buddy17

Hi,
i was so confused to put on my decision about my marriage.. again confusing please i need your support..

i have been loving one guy since 2005(8 years completed). we got legal marriage on 2012. he hurt me nowadays. he is hiding me something. if he found any girl he wont listen my words. he wont call me and any text me.. that time i used to call him everytime and i ask him " why you are not calling me ? why you are not texting me? do you find any girl? are you trying to hide me something?""" he says " i dont have balance to call you or text you. dont think as stupid, moreover i am going to work so i cant able to spend time with you""
sometimes he will go somewhere by not attending my call even i did more..he will say sorry my mobile was in silent mode. it all things makes me "Mad".. now i dont have any trust on him. till now he had more affairs without my knowledge. if i ask him why you cheated me? he stated that if you believes me i will say about my friendship(still he saying that they are only his friends).. how can i trust him anymore???? am i wasting my time to loving him??

Really I am tired of my putting my life on hold for anything or anyone, which seems that, is what I always do. Am I just crazy to think this?

really i am tired of doing tracking him anytime.. sometimes i feels like mad.. All I want to do is cry all the time and just not sure what to do.

I have a doubt Buddy. Has he ever admitted that he is cheating or have you caught him cheating? Or are these only your doubts?? Or is it something like, he had past girlfriends before you?

[Buddy17]

no he dont have any girl friend before me.. when i gone another state for my gradution studies he is caught with one girl in theater by my brother. so problems start from here.. from that day to now he is cheating me alot (eg. he will go somewhere and not answering my call. sometimes he will switch off his mobile.).. if he found any girl he wont give any respect to me. he wont call/text me..

My biggest doubt is- can i accept his mistake to move forward to start my life ? will he do it mistake again ?
he says that" if U have trust on me just come with me sure i will be true" else"forgive me my mistake and believe me i will say everything to you here after"
i cant able to concentrate any work. my mind has so many questions on him.. i dont know how to express my feelings..still confusing,..really i need counseling..

[will i get married]

Originally Posted by Buddy17

no he dont have any girl friend before me.. when i gone another state for my gradution studies he is caught with one girl in theater by my brother. so problems start from here.. from that day to now he is cheating me alot (eg. he will go somewhere and not answering my call. sometimes he will switch off his mobile.).. if he found any girl he wont give any respect to me. he wont call/text me..

My biggest doubt is- can i accept his mistake to move forward to start my life ? will he do it mistake again ?
he says that" if U have trust on me just come with me sure i will be true" else"forgive me my mistake and believe me i will say everything to you here after"
i cant able to concentrate any work. my mind has so many questions on him.. i dont know how to express my feelings..still confusing,..really i need counseling..

To be honest, I myself have been on the receiving ends of the words your guy is saying and there just was no point in being with people who talk so. I am not a great thinker when it comes to relationships but I offer you my hugs as I could understand what you're going through

I read in your post that you guys are living apart due to personal reasons. Do your parents/relatives/friends know that you both are legally married?
Hailing from India myself, I know the problems of being a girl in a relationship/marriage.

There is one thing.. Just because he doesn't attend calls doesn't mean that he is cheating, but, yes better to be safe than sorry. Is there any responsible elder/family member who can help you both out? Do you both meet frequently or does he make excuses?

Everyone here is really supportive - I can vouch for that in the short time I have been here.

My first question is how do You know? Everything you've said leads me to believe you are being suspicious based on things that do not necessarily equate to cheating. yes some of it "could be" deemed as such but not absolutely so.

Because he doesn't answer, does not mean he's cheating. Do you know of any woman he has been with and cheated on you with? Please elaborate on that because if there is no solid evidence of this, there is no reason to be suspicious. Trust comes from within. You trust or you get out. Until they make the move that breaks the trust, there is no reason to distrust.

That he has friends now also does not equate to cheating! you've been with him for 8 years or more and just now, because you're apart, you have fears. That is understandable, but come on, if this is new... realize this is related to having to be apart from him right now, not something new he is doing. Focus on the fact you've been together and he's chosen you for 8 years now every single day.

Also, part of why he doesn't reply, I'm guessing, may have to do with the fact that you're being very suspicious of him and questioning a lot. It sounds like you're calling him a lot and asking things and wondering and checking up on him. Very stalkerish. I'm sorry to be blunt but it is. it goes hand in hand with the fears you are allowing to take over your mind and energy.

I don't know for sure but I'm thinking he may have done nothing wrong and now feels hurt maybe even resentful for your questioning him.

[Buddy17]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

My first question is how do You know? Everything you've said leads me to believe you are being suspicious based on things that do not necessarily equate to cheating. yes some of it "could be" deemed as such but not absolutely so.

Because he doesn't answer, does not mean he's cheating. Do you know of any woman he has been with and cheated on you with? Please elaborate on that because if there is no solid evidence of this, there is no reason to be suspicious. Trust comes from within. You trust or you get out. Until they make the move that breaks the trust, there is no reason to distrust.

That he has friends now also does not equate to cheating! you've been with him for 8 years or more and just now, because you're apart, you have fears. That is understandable, but come on, if this is new... realize this is related to having to be apart from him right now, not something new he is doing. Focus on the fact you've been together and he's chosen you for 8 years now every single day.

Also, part of why he doesn't reply, I'm guessing, may have to do with the fact that you're being very suspicious of him and questioning a lot. It sounds like you're calling him a lot and asking things and wondering and checking up on him. Very stalkerish. I'm sorry to be blunt but it is. it goes hand in hand with the fears you are allowing to take over your mind and energy.

I don't know for sure but I'm thinking he may have done nothing wrong and now feels hurt maybe even resentful for your questioning him.

Thanks for your valuable feedback..
Yes you are right. he may be true if i would trust him. every moment i am calling him and asking him to prove where you are? what you are doing? so he getting irritated by my attitude. sometimes he says that "i feel ashamed in front of my friends because of you" he says" dont ask me to prove every time if you have trust just come with me sure i will be trust-able person.
please trust me he says. its not my fault for distrust him every time. its all because of him. he cheated me before.

He cheated me " he talked with one girl on 2011. he hide me lot things. not even attending my call. no response from his side. roaming with her beach, theatre and hotel(lunch). after its all came up my knowledge he asked sorry and said that he wont talk with her anymore. but their relationship extended upto 2012 end . starting itself i asked him to not talk with her. but he cheated me maximum 2 years.

so now he lost my trust . he feeling now to get my trust. he dont want to lose me. still he loves me and i do always.
He says that "you are torturing and irritating me any extend. but still i feels like to be with you forever". so you can conclude from it he wants me in his life forever. but still my that cheated moment killing me. i cant forgot that moments.
he says"just come out of that thought and promise i will be true"

Can i accept his love? can i believe him? will he true for me anymore? will he avoid me for any other girls in future?

[Buddy17]

Originally Posted by will i get married

To be honest, I myself have been on the receiving ends of the words your guy is saying and there just was no point in being with people who talk so. I am not a great thinker when it comes to relationships but I offer you my hugs as I could understand what you're going through

I read in your post that you guys are living apart due to personal reasons. Do your parents/relatives/friends know that you both are legally married?
Hailing from India myself, I know the problems of being a girl in a relationship/marriage.

There is one thing.. Just because he doesn't attend calls doesn't mean that he is cheating, but, yes better to be safe than sorry. Is there any responsible elder/family member who can help you both out? Do you both meet frequently or does he make excuses?

Everyone here is really supportive - I can vouch for that in the short time I have been here.

Thanks friend. have my hug too
no our parents doesn't know about our legal marriage. our parents are decided to get marry by next year.
Yes I too know that ( he doesn't attend calls doesn't mean that he is cheating, but, yes better to be Safe than sorry ). you are right but if he will go somewhere with girl he will not attending my calls. he too accepted that. i do believe him if he says about his affairs in 2011. its all known by 3rd person. so i distrust him. finally he hanged by my investigation(not think like CBI). some of his friends informed me that he is roaming with some other girl every day.

he is working in another city. so meeting is quite difficult every day. we will meet twice a month. now we both decided to be live together. he says that" if you come and stay with me you will trust me" so i searching job there.
thanks for getting your support forever. i will keep updating

[Buddy17]

i need some more suggestion..

[middie]

Buddy,

Either accept he is cheating and work out if you want a relationship with him or not. If you do then go to counselling together.

If you don't then move on.

No-one can make the decision for you. Everyone on here keeps telling you the same and you are going around and around in circles.

Quieten yourself somewhere and work out if you definitely think he is cheating or not. Then do the same for if you want a future with him or not.

Good Luck - but no-one on here can work it out for you - only you can x

[Buddy17]

thank you meddie.. i have fixed my dates for counseling by next Sunday. i would update you all..