Snapped. why????

I did 6 days without writing to him, 6 days and today I snapped, again, how do I control myself? I promised myself "No more, respect yourself, you don't deserve, look at him on his pictures - he is smiling and he is happy, he DOES NOT need you, stop writing, checking his page, he hurt you and how can you possibly want to contact him after everything? no more!". And guess what I do today first thing I came back from work? I took my laptop and send to him another message, I though well maybe now he knows that I am not desperate and that I am only curious how is he and how is his new life, like friends do, maybe he will answer to me? I am not asking for more. This is so wrong and I hate what I can become for him, how pathetic I can be when it gets to him. Why? what is he going to think about me?
The main reason why I force myself not to look at his page is because one day i will open it and there will be his face with another woman, and if I see that I will probably kill myself and I can't let it happen, I hate the power of the internet, I wish there was some way to pay someone any money so they could block everything that has smth to do with him because I am not strong enough.

I'm so sorry you are hurting so bad. It is really hard to lose someone you love. It will take time for your heart to mend, but it will get better. In the meantime, take care of yourself, you will need your strength and courage.

Thank you, I just can't find control. I need to have a control

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Don't give up on yourself with this and the will you have to overcome it! You seem like a truly loving and caring individual, and I hate to see anyone (especially someone who feels things so acutely and powerfully) endure the kind of emotional turmoil you're going through right now. I understand the 'want to know, but don't want to know' feelings you're going through. Currently my ex is still in the process of moving out, she now spends a LOT of time out "being social", not coming back to the apartment, out all night, staying over at who knows who's houses. All the while I tear myself apart worrying about things I can't control, who's she with? What's she doing? Has she already found someone so soon after breaking up with me and is now out having a great life without me? I try, very hard, not to text her all the time asking where she is, checking her FB, wanting to know, but knowing that if I did it would probably kill me inside.

I will give you the same advice you've given me before, try hard to distract yourself from those roaming worries in your mind about what he's up to. It will only lead to more unhappiness, and the thoughts you develop are always going to be way worse than what is probably actually happening. Find a way to put him out of your mind, even if only temporarily. Bury yourself in work, or hanging out with friends, or a hobby that involves lots of focus, loose yourself in something that has nothing to do with him, or relationships, maybe even disconnect from social media for a while, just go out and try to enjoy a world that doesn't involve thoughts of him. This is VERY difficult to do, I know, because I'm giving you the advice that I too should be taking, and have difficulty doing so. We have to find the will power though to push through those "what ifs..." and "are they..." in order to try putting the focus back on ourselves and want will make us happy again in life. As I said, I have little room to talk, for as you know from my 'loneliness' post that I've been spending most of my nights crying into a pillow thinking about "who's my ex found to love her now? Oh why am I so alone?"", but I know on some level it will pass, it HAS to pass, right now it's a battle deep in your mind for control, your emotions and rational thoughts and will are all fighting each other in a kind of power grab for who has control of the big red button that is your life, but you have to remember you have the veto power over them all, you can and are in control. I truly hope you get through this alright.

I'm trying, snapped hopefully for the last time, I didn't want to be pathetic in his eyes, it is so important for me to let him know the truth, that I fu***ng did love him and that the way he ended it is wrong and that a man gotta stand up for his words, I want to explain to him that 4 years of ANY (even drug based on his side) relationship can't be treated like that. But ah well, who cares - not him for sure. I'm feeling better but lose control sometimes.
Btw, once she is out of your apartment, it will be easier. It must be a torture to be watching her moving on while you are still in a loving phase. Spend some time outside the house too, you shouldn't be watching this all really.

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hi there. i understand the part of no wanting o let go and i did humiliate myself few times but it does end. just keep in mind the **** he did and they way he acted. talk to urself if is needed "i deserve better" "its over" "hes waste of my time" this actually helps (At least for me it did. don count the days... it makes u think even more about it if u do. good luck

Thank you.. I was proud of myself that it's been almost a week. Hurts knowing how easy it is for him. It is maybe normal when you lose someone you love you will take any chances and you will agree to be for them anything they want. I guess I hoped for something. I gotta stop, I know.

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