[Antisocial1]

Hello, I'm 17 and my life isn't going very well lately.

Last year my youngest aunt started to see some things. Last month her stomach hurt and my oldest aunt took her to a facility that cures schzophrenia. She was diagnosed schzophrenia. She stayed there for 3 weeks and nobody from family cared about her. I don't really like everyone in my family but she and I were really closed and I was really sorry about her being sick. And I never could have gone to visit her at the hospital because she told my mother not to tell me that she is sick. She still thinks that I don't know she is. And I was very frustrated when she finally got back home and nobody still cares. I really like her she is the only decent person from my family (except my mom and dad). Only family members that took care of her were my mom and dad, they know how much she means to me. And when all that happened, I have never told about it to anyone. This is the first time I talk about these stuff. Even though I try to look strong and I try to look like it didn't effect me at all, I'm really sorry about it, I feel awkward and I'm so sad. Because I know that I never told her how much I love her. I feel guilty about it but I really don't need to say it.

Anyway. This year I am preparing for an exam that will effect my whole life. That's why my nerves are not very good. I'm pretty unbalanced but I've been like this for my entire life. I get angry so quick. Whatever, my classmates push so hard on me. They keep asking why I don't talk much, why I don't have lots of friends etc. Btw, I don't like any of my classmates and I don't have any friends from school or any place I've been to. There are couple of girls that I talk occasionally but I hate every human being.

And things aren't going well with that exam I've been talking about. I can't study, whenever I try there is always a new thing coming up and I keep making excuses to not study. I know I can never pass the exam if I keep doing like this but I feel like it is too late for everything because all my friends have been working so hard for it for 4 years and I have just started this year. The exam will be 2 months later and I really don't know what will I do.

And this morning, my mom cried because of me. I don't actually know why she cried, I can only guess and I'm guessing that it was because I didn't thank her for anything she did for me. It really wasn't my intention I mean I love my mother more than anything but I'm horrible at showing this. I'm keep yelling her for no reason even though I don't want so. I can't control myself. She tries so hard to grow me up well, make me a decent person and she is a good teacher but I'm the worst student ever.

I have a problem about communicating with people but I don't really need to. I hate people anyway. I only think that there is something wrong with me because others keep saying that I'm antisocial. And when my mom cried, I realized that I'm the biggest disappointment in the entire universe. I am constantly alone and because of my grumpy attitude nobody wants to be friends with me, nobodoy loves me and people around me keep saying I will die alone.

Btw, I'm so fat and ugly so everyone in my class keep mocking me for being so ugly and antisocial.

I hope you understand me and sorry about bad english.

[lizardlady]

Sounds like you have a lot of stress in your life right now with your aunt and the exam. Could your snapping at your mom be part of that? Maybe you could talk to your mom, explain how you are feeling and apologize for snapping?

By the way, your English is just fine.

[nicoleflynn]

You might want to consider therapy. We all can use help from time to time'

Nicole

[Antisocial1]

Thank you all for help.