[cami.rose4]

I'm not sure if I belong here because I'm not really sure what kind of problem I'm dealing with; all I know is that it includes my low self-esteem and an anxiety problem when it comes about dating or getting into a relationship which also comes with rejecting people 'cause I cannot accept affection from others (I feel suffocated) and still I feel like I need it (a lot). It's complicated...but it worries me too much, especially when I see that times passes so quickly and I still cannot do anything about it. And yes, I'm just 17 and you will probably tell me that I'm still too young to be worried by this. I had many, many crushes, but just once I truly loved someone and he was the one who helped me get a little bit over my anxiety. I don't know what happened but it did not work for long and I pushed him away too, though I really, really loved him. One of the reasons we broke up was my fear of kissing; I hated it and I still do and I did it just once (which was actually my first kiss). This happened a long time ago (like a year and half) and since then I haven't gotten any dates or anything. It also took me a long time to get over my first love. What I'm trying to do here is to find out why I can't do this like normal people..why do I reject the ones who show affection to me? Why can't I show affection to others ? It's not like I have no feelings.. (the only persons I'm showing affection to is my best friend and my mom..and that's that) Please, any advice?

[curley]

Hi Cami, I could probably think of several reasons someone would reject affection.....However I do not know your background and I do not know you.
My suggestion is that you seek guidance from a professional counselor or therapist. A person that you can let into your past and your thoughts without making a judgement. This persona can more then likely help you find out why you behave this way and help you work through the problem. Good luck

[healingme4me]

Maybe you aren't feeling ready for the types of affections that the 'norms' seem to be expressing towards one another that you are watching and observing?

Too much, too soon, type of feeling? Are ppl your age, where you are, getting married, at this point in life?

[cami.rose4]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Maybe you aren't feeling ready for the types of affections that the 'norms' seem to be expressing towards one another that you are watching and observing?

Too much, too soon, type of feeling? Are ppl your age, where you are, getting married, at this point in life?

No, they aren't. They are just like normal people: they're dating; that's all.

[cami.rose4]

Originally Posted by curley

Hi Cami, I could probably think of several reasons someone would reject affection.....However I do not know your background and I do not know you.
My suggestion is that you seek guidance from a professional counselor or therapist. A person that you can let into your past and your thoughts without making a judgement. This persona can more then likely help you find out why you behave this way and help you work through the problem. Good luck

Thanks, Curley, but right now I really can't go to a therapist (money issue.. )

[danvb]

...I dunno. To me it looks like you might have a major issue with trust? Were you abused as a child... perhaps sexual abuse or some other sort of child abuse? Other than that, I got nothin'.

Dan

[cami.rose4]

Originally Posted by danvb

...I dunno. To me it looks like you might have a major issue with trust? Were you abused as a child... perhaps sexual abuse or some other sort of child abuse? Other than that, I got nothin'.

Dan

Ummm, there were times when my mom has slapped me, but I don't think that has something to do with this. However, I think this has something to do with my dad. He wasn't (and still isn't, but I've got used to it) very affective with me..or at all. He's not the type of person who says what he feels about someone (when it is a good thing ~ he usually criticises and he's kind of arrogant) or I don't know...I don't even think I've ever heard him telling me that he loves me. Actually he's the one who's joking about what I do or who I am. Not to mention that he always discouraged me when it came about dating.

[danvb]

cami.rose4,

I suspect that what's going on is probably not the result of being slapped... I don't know.

I'd really like to be able to do something to help you understand what's going on. But honestly, there are so many different things that could be causing you to feel the way you do. The causes may range anywhere from a genetic predisposition to Philemaphobia (fear of kissing) to sexual child abuse to fear of intimacy to any number of phobias or multiple phobias.

It would be wonderful if you could talk with a therapist of psychologist. I think it would help you. If that is not to be, have you done any online searches for anything that might pertain to your symptoms? I mean, I just did a quick search on "fear of kissing", "fear of intimacy" and "fear of affection" and pulled up a lot of information.

I don't know. Perhaps someone else here has found themself in a similar situation that you can talk to.

I hope you find answers for your concerns and are able to find happiness.

Dan