Bro's new wife

I have a brother that I am very close to. He would usually spend 2 to 3 time a week with my husband an me. When he was first dating his new wife, we would get together go to dinner or for drinks. ( Did I forget to mention that she comes from a well to do family?) After he asked her to be his wife everything changed, we no longer saw them, only on those few social event that included our mutual friends. This was breaking my heart. Since iI was well aware that they were getting together with friends of our. I could not figure out what was wrong, did I say something, was she allergic to my cat, was my house not good enough, did we not make enough money? I was devestated for the last time that we had gotten together was over a year ago. In my heart I knew and felt there was something wrong. Comments like "lets ger pregnant together" knowing full well that I can not have children and have had 3 miscarriages. The cheap brithday and christmas gifts. She would come to a social event and really hug my friends hello and just tap me. Well the fan really blew on Mother's Day. When they came to a party hosted by one of my friends. She did the usual hug, and for an hour she spoke to everyone else but me. I was standing at the table when she finally asked me how my mother was. With this I turned on my heels and walked away, so upset. (Before coming to the party I had left my mother, who was almost in tears for my brother had not come over or called.) I walked away to save myself, for I had, had a couple of glasses of wine and very sensitive. A couple of days later I called there house to speak with her, but got my brother instead. I briefly explained the situation, he said he did not know what was said. I asked to have her to please call me back. This was a four days ago and I have not heard from her. My heart is breaking! Instead of gaining a sister-in-law, I feel that I have lost my brother. I have no idea what to do. I've been told not to call her, leave alone. I'm hoping for some insight.

I guess one of the questions I would have is why is it so important for you to feel accepted and/or loved by this woman? While in an ideal world, we would get along and like the people are siblings choose to marry, it's not always possible. Who knows what her problem is? You can't do anything about it.

What you can do something about is to change your expectations and needs surrounding this relationship. If you feel like you are losing your brother, reach out to your brother, not to his wife. Tell him how much he means to you and how important it is that you two keep in touch and get together from time to time. Even if it's just going out for some coffee or something once in awhile, that can be helpful and help reestablish that connection.

Good luck,
John

Your brother will not take your part over his wifes.
But he knows you love him.
Give him space his wifes emointal needs will come first.
It is suppose to be that way.
Keep renforcing your love with notes and cards for his Anniversary and other occasions.
I have a sister in-law who I never got to know they did not ask us to the wedding she has had fights with my other sisters and mother but I decided if she loves my brother than I love her .
I never had a chance to tell her this and my brother just thinks no one likes his wife so he guards her .
I sent her card when her mother died and my brother sent it back unopened.
When he was first married he got to talking badly about her to other family members and it got back to me and I wrote my brother a letter and told him he should not talk about his wife badly to others in the family because they gossip
.
It made him mad that I wrote that to him but I think he got it. They have a 4 year old child and have been married about 20 years he is not easy to live with so if that women can love him that is great.
The family still talk badly of her but I stay out of it and I think some day he will see that.
My other sister in-law. I was never even introduced to before they got married and again not asked to the wedding.
I loved my baby brother best of all. I adored him.
I wrote his wife and told her if she loved my brother than I love her and she has written several times when family members were very unkind to her telling me she appreciated the support from me.
My mother did not want to except her as her daughter in-law because most my brothers money was going to my mother untill he got married . My mother was extremely unkind.
I took my sister in-laws side and told my mother if he loves her than we should let that be ,because she is all he really has .

Most family's today do become separate from each other we all grow up and have full lives of our own.
I would say do not do any thing in the situation that would show you are displeased or make your brother think he has to make a choice between wife or family .
Your brother will keep remembering your love for him and he will suprise you one day.
My baby brother called me out of the blue recently just to talk it was great and he invited us to come stay at his house.
His wife likes us.
Maybe your sister in-law for some silly reason feels threatened by you and in time when she see's you love them she will grow up and be kinder.
She is not as mature in her actions as you are.
Give her time to mature.
If she never comes around you will know in your heart that you did no wrong.And that your brother will continue to have fawn memorys and night time dreams of his big sister.
M8G