[lizardlady]

I'm a 59 year old widowed female. Been widowed over 13 years now. All my close family is dead and friends have been dropping (dying) like flies. Most of the time I am content with being single, but lately I feel like I have this huge void in my life. It's not that I feel like I need a man in my life. Heck, I need a man like a submarine needs a screen door. I'm missing a connection with someone else. I enjoy my own company. My critters give me love. I have friends I can call when I need someone to talk to. I'm a private person who cherishes her alone time. And yet, there's this huge hole. I feel like I need something, but I'm not sure what it is. Anyone else experience this? How do you deal with it?

[A Red Panda]

Have you thought about taking part in any community or group things? Maybe you just need a connection that feels like you're needed? Friendships are great.. but when you're in a relationship it's like that other person needs you in their life. Do you think volunteering for something like Meals on Wheels (do you have that in the USA? Where I'm from it's a program where volunteers take meals to elderly people who have difficulty leaving their homes.. it's also usually a way for those people to have social interaction and some people probably assist with cleaning).

Anyway... that's just the thought that I had.

[MrSuperEgo]

This is completely normal. We are social creatures by nature. While you many not need a significant other, you should consider joining a social group where you can share your interests with other people. This gives you something in common with others and a basis for a possible relationship

Yes, and I don't know how to deal with it.

I'm not so certain it's the kind of hole I'll ever be able to fill up either.

I just try to be patient & understanding with myself about it.

[Perna]

I'm 63, married and yet often think about/feel what you describe. I think it is an "aging" thing. We've felt it, done it, thought it, explored it, etc. so harder to move "forward". I keep trying to imagine a gerontology/psychology type of therapy situation that could help.

Rereading some old books like The Dean's Watch by Elizabeth Goudge (and other of her books) helps me some. The laughter, warmth and promise that more is possible as I age keep me looking.

[lizardlady]

Red Panda, part of the problem is that I work long hours (10-12 hours/day) and have a one hour commute each way to work. I'm worn out by the end of the day. I can't figure out a way around that. Also, my job entails giving to others all day. I don't have anything to give by the end of the day. hmmm, maybe I could investigate something like an exercise class where I could do for me and meet other people....

Perna, you might be right about it being an aging thing. I remember Mom talking about this. She never had a solution either.

Pfrog, tying what you said with what Perna said, maybe this is something I just have to learn to live with.

Been thinking about this since I posted. I remember having similar feelings toward the end of my marriage. My husband was abusive and grew distant. I remeber telling my therapist I hated being so lonely all the time.

I wonder if I am looking for something outside myself that I should be looking for on the inside?
Thanks for your input everyone.

[Rose3]

There are many places where you could volunteer (either with people, or with offering some assistance, or with the humane society, or participate in occasional events). You could get involved in arts & crafts activities - either take art classes (your choice - painting, drawing, sculpture, clay, etc), or physical activities (swimming, yoga, golf, fishing, tennis) - and this opens up a lot of other possibilities (galleries, museums, craft shows, markets, etc.). Just a few ideas. If you want to meet many people - start selling Avon or Mary Kay or another type of product. There's no need to feel the void.

[A Red Panda]

You could do an hour or so of volunteering on weekends though to get you out of the house and interacting with others?

I really, really hope that your 10-12 hour workdays are including the long commute! That's exhausting! I wouldn't be surprised if all the time at work is a contributing factor - you probably don't get much time at all to just relax at home during the week!

[LadyShadow]

I understand the void you feel. I am single and I filled that void with my ex-boyfriend. We talk every night on the phone for two hours and it fills the emptiness I have. Sure I want more, but I am pretty content with the way things are. Maybe you just need a pen pal or someone to chat with. I am sure if you try chat programs like Paltalk or AOL, you can find a pen pal that you can enjoy writing letters back and forth to every day, so you know you are not so lonely.

It will be on YOUR schedule and you don't really have to worry about deadlines or anything.

If that doesn't work, a nice class on the weekends should open you up to some new people and experiences.