[Agateophobist]

Since I was 12 I had been experiencing some mood swings, but of course everyone says "oh it's just teenage years". Ha. 4 years later and here I am seeing things that aren't there, crying for no apparent reason, ruining relationships with people, separating myself from reality just so I won't hurt so much. I dated this guy last year in October and when school came to an end, all of a sudden he broke up with me in May. Sudden. Well there was this girl who everyone kept saying "Oh they kind of have a thing". Then again that was everyone else's opinion. Then the night before the last day of school, that girl called me and told me things. Saying that my ex that I was insane and crazy, that I was a spaz. That they had a thing since December and that he didn't know how to break up with me. That no one wanted to hurt me. She said all of these things, how he had been cheating on me and how irritating he thought I was. She ended up saying "Oh well I understand this and I know it sucks and I can help and I'll be here." So of course I believed her right? Well 2 weeks later, my family and I decided to put my 4 year old dog down because the cancer had gotten too bad. So I lost the only thing I had left since my parents would rather watch TV than listen to me. I cried myself to some sleep every night and had recurring nightmares of the two of them and I went through all these memories and how everything was a lie for so many months. I did this for a month until my parents decided it would be a good idea for me to go off on a vacation for a week to a secluded cabin with no one around. Well when I came back from the cabin, my ex had been texting me all week. And he was still texting me when I came back, talking about how he had made a mistake and how he wasted the first of his summer etc. So I met up with him the next day and he asked me back out. I told him everything she told me, every little detail and everything I felt because I remembered every damn detail in my mind. Well guess what. That girl that told me everything? She lied. She lied the whole entire time and everything she said was a lie. He never did anything. He was always faithful and he had always loved me. He became stressed without his anxiety meds and he went after the only thing in his life that he cared for. He beats himself up still, months after. Apologizes for leaving me. But that girl...she ruined me. I lost everything in a span of 3 weeks. My cousin died, my dog died, my whole relationship had been a lie, I lost all of my friends and had no one. I still have nightmares, I see things that aren't there, I relive things that happened. Sometimes it's like I'm not even in my own body, I'm just watching something happen. I don't have anyone to talk to, at all. I feel like I'm not good enough for anything, that I'm just this worthless thing taking up oxygen. Wow this is long...I just want people..I want to get better..but no one wants to help me. Since everyone tells me to get over it.

[manwithnofriends]

...do you feel better now?

[healingme4me]

Sounds like stress reactions, the disassociation that you describe. Sounds like, those around you are dismissive. Having unarticulated feelings, does not necessarily make for a mood disorder. Being reactive, doesn't necessarily make for a mood disorder. What happened, when you turned 12?

Sounds like a lot of stress, dropped on you at once. Having nightmares is indicative of not getting enough sleep. Do you keep a dream journal, for analysis? Tapping into your subconscious, can clarify, feelings in your conscious mind.



Fyi, your ex sounds like a player and real jerk.

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

[Agateophobist]

Originally Posted by manwithnofriends

...do you feel better now?

I do somewhat. I mean. A huge thing just started up now..because that girl's friend came after our relationship again. They're just beating us up over and over because the attention isn't focused on them. But I'm going back into counceling, so it's hopefully get better..my guidance counselor thinks I have borderline personality disorder which is lovely. But better.. I mean. Sometimes I do. Depends what I'm thinking about.

[Agateophobist]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Sounds like stress reactions, the disassociation that you describe. Sounds like, those around you are dismissive. Having unarticulated feelings, does not necessarily make for a mood disorder. Being reactive, doesn't necessarily make for a mood disorder. What happened, when you turned 12?

Sounds like a lot of stress, dropped on you at once. Having nightmares is indicative of not getting enough sleep. Do you keep a dream journal, for analysis? Tapping into your subconscious, can clarify, feelings in your conscious mind.



Fyi, your ex sounds like a player and real jerk.

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

When I turned 12 I started cutting severely, went to counseling for that so it's better now. I started starving myself and ended up going anorexic but I've recovered a little bit from that. I try to sleep, but I'm just so scared of what awaits me when I fall asleep. I do, aha. Because I decided to indulge into lucid dreams years ago and I study them. But aha..not my ex anymore. As much as I wish I could agree with you, he has severe anxiety and was off his medication during that time. I ended up getting back together with him, now he just wants to try and help me. He apologizes still, he feels so awful. But the thing is, he never cheated on me. He just didn't want things to hurt so much when he graduated, but now he talks about marriage and children and family. It's that awkward thing where crappy stuff happens, but I love him still. I used to hate him, but he's made up for it and stuff. It's more the other girl and what she did. Ha..her friend is going after us again. Trying to break us up..because she's jealous that I took someone away from her. It's funny because he hates both of them..you should've seen how he reacted to that girl when she looked at me...but thank you. I didn't think anyone would really care about this.