[move4word]

Yesterday my son had a friend over. They are both 5 years old and have a lot of fun together. The friend totally dominates him though, she has a strong personality and easily says what she wants. He doesn't usually mind that she dictates how they play. The last playdate however, I see they have a prob with picking a game. Next thing I know he is on the couch under a blanket. I told him she is our guest and we are to be nice to her but that doesn't mean she gets to tell him what to do and say and or refuse to take turns picking games they like. They worked it out. I need to spend more time helping him know his ideas, his needs, his plans are just as valuable as others'.
Ok hours later, he is in the tub and we are talking about the day. In the back of my mind I've been brewing over past issues with my family, my mom is the only one of them that will sort of hear me out. The neglect when I was a child allowed for some traumatic things to happen to me. Id like to think Ive moved past what actually happened. But I've never been able to tell my mom how I feel because she falls apart when I try. Recently Ive been trying to meditate and work through the negative feelings that are blocking my growth. I wish I could tell my mom how I really feel. As I say to my son "You have to tell people how you feel, or they wont know. Your needs are just as important as theirs are. If they truly love you or like you they will hear you out and you can move past whatever it is. Be true to yourself, you have to be true to yourself." As I said those words it hit me. I have trouble with that concept as well. I'm giving it my all to not allow that inability to creep into my childrens lives. Where I am not able to tell my mom all of my anger from the past yet, I did decide to call her and tell her why I am disappointed and angry with her now. I asked her a month ago to please come over just once every two weeks or so to spend a few hours with the kids. I need a break and I don't get one. Ever. I reached out to her and she said she would do it but never has. I called her and told her how I felt. And as always, she cries and starts telling me how her problems are so much worse than mine. (That was the crap that went on as a child for me too) It was hard for me to tell her-but I said it "this is why I can't tell you how I feel or share my struggles with you, you are always worse off than Me" That felt so good to say. I ALWAYS hide how I really feel about her because it would be so painful for her to know. That is probley not the healthiest solution but that's what I've had to work with. SUGGESTIONS? Growing up, I was taught to..."keep quiet to not upset the abusive step dad. Keep quiet to not stress mom out. Keep quiet to not rock the boat. Keep quiet about grandpa, he doesn't really know what he is doing to hurt you." So in teaching my son how to handle the indifference with his friend I am also learning how to handle my own problems. I see it helped him gain some tools for the next time he is in that situation. It helped me too. #tryingtohealmyselftandraisemykidstobehealthytoo.

[avlady]

You probably need someon to talk to that you trust very much if you have someone like that, besides bringing it up with your mother, she seems unable to deal with it and i've learned in my experience to leave some things go. She probably can't handle it when you bring it up because she hasn't dealt with it herself and has memories and problems she has to deal with hersef, and just feels guilty.I would forgive her if i were you, get on with your life and get a doc or t if possible and see if your mom would also go to them too.