[reveh]

This will be pretty long, but I need some help and appreciate your time

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend *Jake since Feb 2010. We rented a house together, with his sister *Sue, for 2 years (Oct 2011-Oct 2013). Everything was all fine and dandy. July 2013, Sue told us that she might move out to be with her boyfriend. I told her she needed to let us know next month if she planned to do that, so Jake and I could find a smaller place.

Well, she couldn't give us an answer. Everyone was excited for a big 2 week family vacation in Colorado early August. I went for a week, and came back home, and started apartment hunting. I was even worried about it on vacation. Jake and Sue came back, and he didn't really help find a place, and I still didn't have an answer from her.

September. I was tired of nagging for answers, so I just gave up. Then, I realized another 6 months in that place, and Sue would run another tab with me (because she could never keep up with rent entirely, or help pay for heating oil. I thought she was always very materialistic, and was always buying "cool stuff" before "needed" stuff). I threw in the towel, and said we are moving out. I need to save money and buy a new car. I moved back to my parents, Jake and Sue moved back with theirs. Jake actually had a house willed to him, but his grandpa still lives there. He moved there a couple weeks after moving to his parents.

This whole move back home stressed me out. I had no positive input. "Are you guys breaking up?" NO. That was not my intention. It did not help that he lives an hour away, and works 8-4, 3-11 alternating weeks, and works 8-4 every Saturday. He has Sundays and Mondays off. So I would go out there Saturday night through Sunday, and he would come out here Mondays after I was done with work. He would also come another random weekday.

I was stressing over this distance, the fact that Jake nor Sue put in any effort to giving me answers, and adjusting back home. Jake was being VERY clingy. Didn't want to lose me. Again, nothing positive was coming out of this move. I eventually got to a point, where I wasn't the same person. I didn't want to play my computer games that I love, hang out, or even be intimate. I was just dull and lifeless. It was hurting Jake, I could tell. I was also hurting friends and family, I just wanted to be in my room alone.

October 2013, Jake suggested that maybe we needed a break. I said no, I didn't want that. Maybe I was just over-stressed, and it will go away.

Thanksgiving, I did suggest a break may help. He, unsuspectedly, said "No. Might as well break up". I would not stop crying. The day after, I noticed on Facebook, he was at Dave n Busters with some girl that tagged him there. Which is odd to me, because he never really hangs out with just girls.

A week past, and we didn't contact each other. He texted me while I was at work "Do you ever think of seeing me again?". It threw me for a loop, and I got upset at work. I kind of told him off. He still tried to be sweet a few times after that.

December, and I still feel like crap from the whole thing. Our chats have been "Hi how are you". I asked maybe we could get coffee sometime after the New Year. He said "I'd like that". He never initiates a conversation, its always me.

January, I told him I missed him, and he couldn't say it back. He is very negative, like he hates me. He "defriended" me on Facebook, and said he couldn't see pictures of me moving on with a new boyfriend". This upset me, because I am in no state to be in a relationship right now. He friended me back. He also said that he has his own problems.

I miss him terribly, its just the distance between us that sucks. I told him I was going to go to the dr. to find out what may be wrong. He said, and I quote "There isn't anything wrong with you. **** sacked and you were sick of it. You cared for me but didn't want to put up with it anymore". Which is totally not true. I still want to go to a dr., or talk to someone. I love and care for him very much.

I know he has been going through a lot. Right before Thanksgiving, we were both in his best friend's wedding, his grandpa is in hospital (dying), his other best friend is separating from his pregnant wife, and his sis moved out of state to be with her boyfriend.

Of course, my co-workers tell me I could find better. Jake and I didn't have similar hobbies or tastes, but we got along well. People try to set me up with one of my buds at work, who is trying so hard, but I insist we must be friends (first). He knows my problems.

FYI, Jim is now 32, and I am 29.

If anyone has had a similar problem, or have any advice, I am graciously awaiting a reply

~Sad n Lonely

[everywhereanywhere]

I went through something similar and honestly I am still hurting and sabatoging myself. But if you love him distance isn't a problem.
Me and my ex lived an hour away he worked monday through friday 7-4 plus then had gym and meetings I work crazy hours during the week and his family hated me for four years we went seeing each other once a week and talking on the phone every day on occasion I may get a sleep over or an extra day during the week . Obviously we broke up for many reasons but distance wasn't the issue . You can make the distance work.

[hvert]

What sort of outcome are you looking for? Are you trying to get over Jake or get back together with him? I wasn't entirely sure from your post.