[gsom]

Hello there,

I have been married for a year now and I have a sister in law who is married and has a 1 and a half year old daughter. Me and my husband both like our niece very much. But the problem is that I faced a lot of negativity from my sister in law throughout the one year of marriage as she lives right beside my inlaws place and drops in everytime we visit our inlaws. I never returned the same harshness to her as I was new to the family. In return my heart is filled with hatred towards her which kept piling up. I spoke to my husband about her behaviour but he refuses to believe me and thinks of her as a very good human being. Also many times whenever I raised this topic of her problems with me my husband never took my side and never believed me and we eneded up having a big fight. So I decided to burry such feelings from him.I do not blame him for that as she pretends to be very good when hes around. Now we have left our country but I still think of the things she used to do to me and still feel horribly bitter towards her and negative from within though I am miles apart from them.
My problem is that whenever my husband calls his parents and asks about his sister and her daughter I feel very angry from within. I feel he should cut off all relationship with them but have never discussed this with my husband as I know that these feelings are wrong to have. I understand that my husband loves his sister very much. But I am unable to deal with the neagtivity even when her name is mentioned or my husbands tries to enquire about their well being. How should I deal with this. Please help me as I am a very positive person and dont want to dwell on such issues and want to be unaffected by her.

Regards,
gsom

[Webgoji]

First I think you both need to get on the same page. He needs to understand that he's invalidating your feelings. He may not see what you do in his sister, but he needs to understand that your feelings aren't coming out of vacuum. I would suggest a couples therapist (and individual for each of you) so you two can learn how to view this situation from each other's perspective.

[healingme4me]

I agree with Webgoji, that your h, needs to at least, acknowledge how you are feeling, in regards to how you have been treated. It doesn't happen, in a vacuum. I'd err, to suggest, that perhaps, not so much jealousy, as feelings of being unheard and unsupported in your 'feelings'.
To request, 'never' having any contact at all with the woman he grew up with, his sister, seems like quite a hefty demand. His connection to her, isn't a reflection of his feelings towards you.
Has he ever, once, said to you, I can see how my sister can rub people like that? I can see how you might feel that way? And come up with suggestions on how to take her, or to at least sit down with the two of you, to try and resolve this? It would seem hard, to distance from a niece. Hence, it being even more of a tough demand. And even, if he cannot get the two of you to like each other, at least he needs to acknowledge your point of view, as valid. Acknowledging your point of view as valid, and remaining in contact with his sister, isn't dismissing his feelings for you.

Hope you can both, work through this. Stuffing emotions, can have future physical health consequences.