[blainewarbler]

Perhaps this isn't the right forum seen as there is currently no 'relationship', well I mean we are friends, we work together. My plea is for advice more than anything. I'm a twenty something too pathetic to put her own age as she has currently dated or had a relationship with the sum total of zero guys. I should probably at this point lay the low self esteem and anxiety issues right out there also.

Anyway there's a guy (isn't there always) he's cute, I find myself discovering more and more things about him on a daily basis that lead to the feeling getting stronger. Now let's be clear I am not a good reader of people, I would consider it impossible that he actually likes me, at the very least likes me more that a friend. But I dunno we seem to play off one another you know?

I guess what I'm asking is how or even should you make the first move? Despite the fact I am almost doomed to failure I feel like I've reached the stage in my life where I can't let anxiety lord over me. Tips and advice on minimising the embarrassment and crushing defeat when he point blank rejects me greatly appreciated.

[Frankbtl]

Hi, first of all I've got to throw in a waiver:
It can be a REAL bad idea to start a relationship with someone you work with particularly if things don't always go well in the relationship (as they don't always in any relationship) or if things fall apart (and first relationship, they don't always work out do they, step on the road?).
BUT from my less "sensible" side if there's a guy who breaks through all those "barriers", REAL feelings, REAL spark, REAL connection then you're going to know if he's worth it.
I don't know if you're over thinking or over worrying about the whole relationship bit though. Nothing necessarily wrong with building the friendship a little more and seeing where it goes from there. And you wouldn't mind spending more time with him anyway would you?
While, in my opinion, there's nothing wrong with making the first move just saying something like "look I really wanted to go to...but noone to go with and I don't fancy going on my own, you wouldn't like to go would you, OK if you can't but...." doesn't even have to be seen as making the first move.
And lees of the "doomed to failure"! IF it doesn't go anywhere then that's more going to mean that he's just not the person you thought he was, and we all misread people from time to time, we're not going to find out if we don't try though are we.
It is probably going to help if you have more of a think about (if you haven't already) why the low self esteem. Maybe challenge the causes of it, maybe focus more in on what's good about you and achievements (plenty, I'm sure!) and work on the self-confidence. And think a bit more about whether someone deserves to be with YOU rather than whether you deserve to be with THEM.
But hey, rejection can be out there for all of us, perhaps see it as a good things and a release towards you being able to take that next step towards finding the REAL deal, the REAL important things in your life, the REAL important person/s in your life.
No need for embarrassment, just take real strength in the fact you tried and be real proud of yourself in the fact you tried.
The less sensible side of myself REALLY hopes it works out for you!! but do bear in mind the waiver I said at the beginning if you think it might be a better idea to bring more people into your life from outside of work and look towards a relationship in that direction instead?
Best wishes
Alison

[hamster-bamster]

Work together may mean on the same team with daily Interactions, in which case Alison's warnings about possible negative repercussions are valid, or, it may mean working for the same large companies In completely different departments and even buildings, and then who cares, right?

[healingme4me]

My uncle married a woman, he works with. Different departments. I once dated a man, for two years, same company, different locations. It can work. There are also, lots of reasons why it can make for an awkward scenario, too. With that said...

I'm not a fan of women making the first move. Some men, claim they like that, but do they really? Something about the 'chase' that can lead to a sense of balance in the relationship.

With that stated. You want to toss your cards on the table, but in a way, that leaves everything, a bit less awkward? Ask him, if he'd like to grab lunch together on break or maybe a coffee??