[niceguy]

I wish i could just talk to them. Make them see the truth.
I didn't pull away, or leave for lack of love. Worse, for my own
sanity (however fleeting). They consume my thoughts. Always.

I pretended to be dark, like them and enjoyed it. However,
anyone who knows me (including them) know that is not
who I am. I am kind hearted, loving and caring. Not the monster
I portrayed.

They liked it though. They were too blind to see it was a coping
mechanism. To continually give love and be hurt only results in
my self-esteem fading away.

I cry all the time now. No one knows why. I know why. It was because
my heart was stolen and smashed.
I wish i could think and act like them, as though no one matters.
It would bring peace to not care.

Still, i don't really believe they are that dark. Is it possible for someone to really be that dark? I think it was there coping mechanism. Just reflective of the facade they enact.

[Frankbtl]

Yes, I'd agree that could be a possibility. I don't think that nearly so many people who come across as dark/not caring are that dark/not caring, or if so maybe if circumstances could change for them (even just having the "right" people walk into their life) then they wouldn't be quite as much so......sometimes, but................And maybe you did give that impression (if you did so might have they), but like you said that isn't really you underneath.
Although I'd say the most important thing IS to be yourself and you weren't that.
Like I think you're saying though it can seem so much easier to convince yourself you don't care, but if somewhere however well hidden, you do still care it's stil there and it's still going to hurt just as much if not more, trying to hold it inside one way or another.
So sometimes it really is worth facing, feeling and slowly accepting how things feel/the situation. And there are going to be much better ways of protecting ourselves from pain (although everyone feels pain at times) than locking things out and never taking the risk on being happy again.
I know it can be really hard and may happen only gradually but there can sometimes be lessons to be learnt from heartbreak's e.g. recognizing when something isn't working/isn't going to work and either changing or ending it before.........recognizing different ways to cope with difficult times............
It sounds like you're stepping back into that world where besides times that can be agonizing there are also amazing possibilities and feelings as well. And you know they can be worth it? Well in comparison with completely losing/never being yourself they have to be worth it do you think???
Sorry if I'm completely "off base" there, just putting my interpretation on what you were meaning.
But any support I can give..............just come back to me.............
Alison