Sorry lots on my mind just confused

Maybe I've never gotten over you ditching me for him. You did drop me. You did forget important dates for me. That's history.

I cleared up a whole weekend by working my butt off the previous two weekends and you cancel. But that's not the first time you cancel. I've had dinner ready and such for fireworks nights and you cancel.

But I am the worst at making decisions and or cancelling.

Thoughts of joining on Thursday. Not likely. Because then it's dinner. So really? And if your reason for not meeting there is baby. Do I want to be around a sick baby for dinner?

I am tired of people with the attitude that their lives are more important.
No I don't want to go there so you can either show off your life and house or be like see this is what I have to deal with every day. I didn't say get married and have a baby right away.

I've gotten off track. I don't trust you not to be asking me to baby sit. That being the reason you want to meet.

I don't want to pretend. Last time we met together you were quiet but that's not the problem you were also texting someone instead of talking to the person in front of you.

Honestly you've moved in different directions. And you probably feel I just need to stay friends with her for a little but longer. Once she has number 2 I will be even more forgotten.

I was used with your first one and never a thank you. And the thought if the second one who will you ask favours of at work? And not say thank you? Or do a trade instead. And if next year we end up working on the same project for only a short time because if number two are you going to use me for my knowledge and just do what I am doing because you won't be there that long. Or better yet ask for my ideas and not try any of them.

Should I add in that really 80%of conversations and questions is about her.

So no I don't have an interest in driving an hour in rush hour after work to have dinner with you. And drive back and go to work the next day.

I'm sorry I've left stuff out. My order is flippy. I've ranted. I guess I just would to know that this all makes sense and it's normal to think and feel this way.

I wish someone could read my mind and fix all my thoughts.

How do I have this conversation with someone in a nice way? Knowing that also I will still need to work with them in the future?

Why does hurt always shine through?