[Rio_]

On the way to class today, I saw the guy I've had a crush on for five years holding hands with another girl. I've tried to get over him many times, but I've never managed, because I was always thinking that there was a chance he liked me as well. He really confuses me - sometimes he's friendly, other times he acts like I'm a complete stranger. I thought it'd be easier to get over him if I had proof that he didn't want to be with me, but it looks like it isn't. Seeing him with her really hurt, and I can't stop thinking about it. I'd love to be able to never see him again, but I see him a lot around school so that's not going to be possible until May, when we leave. And even then, there's a chance he'll be going to the same university as me - there aren't that many around here. If I have to keep seeing him everywhere, how do I get over him?

[biplol]

{{{{{Rio}}}}} So sorry hon, I didn't have that kind of problems, because I tend to be really distant and cold to people I don't know. But here I am if you need anything.
PM me anytime~

[Rio_]

(((((biplol))))) Thanks. I'm often distant to people I don't know as well, but I do know him - have done since early primary school.

[Perna]

Rio, do you talk to him, go out with him? I know about the confusion. I had a "boyfriend" in college, he'd ask me out to group events maybe two or three times a year and we'd have a marvelous time with very real adventures, the dates were wonderful. This went on for 2-3 years! But he never tried to kiss me, he never asked me out just with himself and me, never "pursued" me. I considered him my boyfriend though, found him convenient to talk about with other girls on my dorm floor, etc.

I think you'll "get over" him when you either approach him and talk to him and get to know him better, who he "is" (and whether he's got a girlfriend for real or is dating around, etc.) or, if you know all that, have had a relationship with him and know for sure it has ended, when you get interested in someone else. But if he's a "fantasy" like my college boyfriend I describe above, what does it hurt to have a crush on him (other than maybe taking your eyes off other possibilities)?

[Rio_]

Thanks for replying, Perna. I do talk to him - we used to be good friends when we were younger and usually we're still friendly towards each other - but I've never been out with him. The only times I see him outside school are at rehearsals for our violin teacher's string group, but he doesn't always talk to me then because he has other friends there.

So, talking to him isn't a problem, but having a relationship with him probably would be. For one thing, I'm scared to ask, in case he says no and it makes things very awkward between us. If that happened, I wouldn't be able to avoid him because he's in three of the same string groups as me - two at school - and I'd hate to give those up, especially as I run one of them myself! And, if he did say yes then I'd have to deal with people at school making a huge fuss about it - they did last time I tried dating at school - and again, if/when we split up it'd be very awkward as well.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
But if he's a "fantasy" like my college boyfriend I describe above, what does it hurt to have a crush on him (other than maybe taking your eyes off other possibilities)?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> That's a good point. But it does hurt - it hurts seeing them together, it hurts knowing I missed my chance, it hurts knowing that I never would have had the courage to ask him out anyway so why was I wasting my time on him. I'm probably over-reacting, though - I'll just have to get used to it. This sort of thing is probably going to happen more than once!

[valexand]

Maybe he chose to be with her because it comes easier to him. I had the same experience with one guy. He would always pick other girls as girlfriends but he always spent hours talking to me. Later in life he confessed to me that there was a time when he had a crush on me but never acted on it.....
You know what I'll suggest? Keep in touch with the dude. Talk to him, invite him to do interesting things with you (bowling, pool, hiking...think of something). Show respect for his relationships but also make him SEE you. In time his -probably- immature boyish brain will shape up (HOPEFULLY) and maybe this will lead him to look for something more....(remember though...try not to waste too much time on this. if you see things develop then go with it...but if nothing happens, then...I guess it was just worth a try!)

[Rio_]

Thanks, valexand. That's good advice, but like I told Perna I don't think going out with him would be a good idea. I don't want to spoil our sort-of-friendship, and also the last time I tried dating someone at school everyone made a huge deal out of it, which has definitely put me off doing it again. Is there no other way to stop having a crush on this guy than going out with him and then splitting up?

[valexand]

Well, I wasn't suggesting going out with the guy as a couple. The idea was for you to invite him over when you and your friends go out to do interesting stuff. Just keep him in close range so that in time you yourself will be able to see if you truly like this guy. Is your crush skin-deep? Maybe you'll get over it when you get to know him first as a friend. And yes, I agree that the "talk-talk" in school can mess things up. It always does.

[pyeah]

I have a strong feeling that you'll meet someone else that will give you the attention you deserve, and you will wonder what the big fuss was about this bozo. Really... I know that doesnt help you much right now.. hugs.

[Rio_]

Ok, sorry for misunderstanding. My friends don't know him, because they go to different schools, but he's at pretty close range anyway - we share a music stand at orchestra, and we share the same violin teacher so sometimes see each other at lessons. We used to be good friends when we were young, but drifted apart a bit after he found other friends about halfway through primary school. The crush is mainly skin-deep, but he has a good sense of humour as well, and we like some of the same music and films. And we both play the same instrument at about the same level, too.

[Rio_]

Thanks, pyeah, I hope so. Obviously I like him - I have a crush on him, after all - but I hate the way he messes me around by giving me mixed signals, it's very frustrating.