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#1
Dec 17, 2006, 02:37 AM
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I've been with my fiance for four years.I love him with all my heart, but the problem is that he treats me terrible.He calls me names and has even hit me. But I stay with him because I love him and I don't want to lose him.He breaks up with me almost after every argument.Sometimes he wont call for a couple of weeks to a month. I have told him how much it hurts me and how depressed I get when he does this. Why does he break up with me so often when he knows how much it hurts me? I know I should end this relationship because it's not good for me to go through this. Will I ever get over him if I do? Has anyone ever been through something like this? I need advice.Thanks for any replies.
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#2
Dec 17, 2006, 02:10 PM
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Hi Ange
I feel your pain. This sounds like a really bad situation. It is confusing to be in a relationship where you are abused because it is not bad all the time. There has to be some good in it or you wouldn't feel the love. I understand the confusion well because my boyfriend became more and more violent until it ended in tragedy. Are you in counseling? It sounds like you may be codependent. (I was). When somebody has so little respect for you and is treating you in such painful ways it is unlikely that change will occur in his behavior, except to get worse. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Will you ever get over him? Mostly. That will take time. Lots of time. I believe you genuinely care for him but that is not enough to make him reciprocate your love. You cannot change him. You can only change yourself. Feel free to PM me if you would like.
__________________
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well. anonymous |
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#3
Dec 17, 2006, 06:40 PM
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Hi Yoda, I haven't been in counseling for this but I plan to. Thank you so much for your reply.
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#4
Dec 17, 2006, 06:50 PM
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Yoda is right. you can't change him but you can change yourself. this reminds me of having a very young male horse once and he became excited in the walkway of a barn and knocked me down..trying to get to another horse. an old wise friend told me to get him "fixed" immediately because the cuts would look better on him than me........i know this is a rather strange way to compare your situation to me, but it was true. waiting around until he really hurt me badly would have been a very foolish and perhaps deadly thing to do. it could be the same with you. good luck, pat
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