[AnnieT]

Hi everyone,
So I've been dealing with this issue for years now... my brother who is two years younger than me is physically, emotionally and financially abusing me to the point where I want to leave the country...
I have done good studies, have a good job, have never wasted my money, and have always taken good care of myself... I've always been worried for his well-being as he has not been successful neither at school nor at his job... I helped him buy a car for himself, paid 60% of the price and helped him with the payments, have given him one of my computers, have bought him lots of expensive gifts, clothing...

After all I've been doing for him, he started stealing considerable amount of money from my purse, my drawer and then from my credit card (I was going to file to the court that I found out it was him taking money out...), needless to say I was devastated...

He has also been verbally abusing me, demoralizing me saying stuff like 'you are a nobody without me', 'nobody would befriend or marry you', 'you are a jealous dirty ***'...

I have done my best to stand up to his regular abuse which leads to physical fights sometimes (he suffers from depression and anger issues)...
What is shocking is that he would come and apologize to me, would be sweet but whenever I don't give in, the abuse comes back live a vicious cycle.. I'm just hopeless and helpless... Id appreciate any input....

Additional info; I have to live in this house at least a year before leaving...

[hvert]

Leaving immediately sounds like an ideal solution. He sounds dangerous. Why isn't this an option for you?

[AnnieT]

Originally Posted by hvert

Leaving immediately sounds like an ideal solution. He sounds dangerous. Why isn't this an option for you?

I live with my parents as of now and am saving money to be able to move out in a year or so... don't know how to cope with it till then... as I speak, he is out gambling his money in poker games... he does it 5 days a week...

[gloamingone]

Wow, I would get out NOW! He sounds terrible. You are under no obligation to stand for that kind of abuse, much less help him in any way. I hope you can find a way out and cut off contact with him soon!

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[AnnieT]

Do you guys think I should punish him by taking back what I've given him? Like the computer or making him sell the car...?

[AnnieT]

Originally Posted by gloamingone

Wow, I would get out NOW! He sounds terrible. You are under no obligation to stand for that kind of abuse, much less help him in any way. I hope you can find a way out and cut off contact with him soon!

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I would but in the meantime I need to find ways to protect my emotional health... don't know maybe a no-contact would help..? He gets ok for a few weeks (which makes life bearable) but the tantrums restart soon...

[Koko2]

You're both adults and living together with your parents or something? I was just wondering what your living situation is, and how your brother has access to your money.

[Disha]

Originally Posted by AnnieT

Hi everyone,
So I've been dealing with this issue for years now... my brother who is two years younger than me is physically, emotionally and financially abusing me to the point where I want to leave the country...
I have done good studies, have a good job, have never wasted my money, and have always taken good care of myself... I've always been worried for his well-being as he has not been successful neither at school nor at his job... I helped him buy a car for himself, paid 60% of the price and helped him with the payments, have given him one of my computers, have bought him lots of expensive gifts, clothing...

After all I've been doing for him, he started stealing considerable amount of money from my purse, my drawer and then from my credit card (I was going to file to the court that I found out it was him taking money out...), needless to say I was devastated...

He has also been verbally abusing me, demoralizing me saying stuff like 'you are a nobody without me', 'nobody would befriend or marry you', 'you are a jealous dirty ***'...

I have done my best to stand up to his regular abuse which leads to physical fights sometimes (he suffers from depression and anger issues)...
What is shocking is that he would come and apologize to me, would be sweet but whenever I don't give in, the abuse comes back live a vicious cycle.. I'm just hopeless and helpless... Id appreciate any input....

Additional info; I have to live in this house at least a year before leaving...

Is it possible for you to move out earlier, perhaps find cheap accommodation with friends or roommates till the time you have saved enough to move into a better place? It may seem difficult right now, but your current living situation sound very unhealthy. Once you move out of it, you may find your mind at peace and yourself in a better position to figure things out.

I'll share my own experience:

I was at one point of time in an unhealthy relationship with my boyfriend, and though I wasn't living with him, the place where I was putting up was somewhat gloomy too. That's the time my depression got really bad, but soon after I recovered with medication, I made it a priority to find a better apartment first. This time, being at close proximity to the guy wasn't a priority, so I was able to find a decent place within my budget. As soon as I moved in there, I started feeling positive and confident enough to break up and get out of that abusive cycle. So moving turned out to be a good decision, even though I had to borrow from my parents to pay up the deposit.

[AnnieT]

Originally Posted by Koko2

You're both adults and living together with your parents or something? I was just wondering what your living situation is, and how your brother has access to your money.

I live with my parents because I've just finished school and I need to save some money before getting out, it's a pretty expensive city...

As for him having access to my money, I once lent him my credit card so he could get some amount he needed, I forgot to get back my card and he almost emptied my account.. I only found it out days later when I tried to buy something online with no success...

[AnnieT]

It's frustrating the posts don't show up after the first one...

[AnnieT]

Originally Posted by Koko2

You're both adults and living together with your parents or something? I was just wondering what your living situation is, and how your brother has access to your money.

I have just finished my studies and have been saving up to move out, I live in an expensive city...

As for stealing from my credit card, I had lent it once to him so he could pay off something and buy some stuff, but had forgotten to get it back... a couple of days later, I found it out when I tried to buy something and he had almost emptied my account...

[AnnieT]

My mom confronted him today for his behavior and he just broke the radio into pieces... ughh it hurts a lot..

[gloamingone]

How old is this guy? How do your parents feel about his behavior? Do you have plans to give him any money or help in the future?

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[Koko2]

Yeah, where's your parents in all this? Do they not discipline him? It almost sounded like you live alone with your brother, but apparently not.