[HauntedElevator]

Hey guys, I just need some friendly advice on the subject of my current relationship. We've been dating for about a year now, and he claims for him it was love at first sight. I admit I was very smitten and we get along so so well. I am actually confused about the emotions I am feeling because its not quite jealousy, but not quite anything else I can put my finger on.

I want to preface what I am saying with this: I used to be an extremely jealous lover, this was inspired by issues of distrust, abandonment, and constant infidelity on the part of mostly all of my partners. After being in a relationship with someone much worse than I, I cleaned up my act considerably. I am still sometimes finding it a bit difficult still to trust him and still find myself relishing (in a very sick manner, I would openly admit) in my imaginary scenarios in which I catch my significant other cheating on me and feeling the pain that would be associated with it. This is part of my obsessive compulsive disorder, but still isn't really helping in this situation.

My boyfriend, its becoming apparent to me, has a lot of "female friends". Whatever cool, I have plenty of male friends, but none that I actively seek out and talk to on a regular basis. I have been finding it difficult to get his attention recently (the last 1-3 months), he never texts me anymore and when I do text him I don't often get a response, or we just talk about surface ******** and the conversation completely dies. Like even today, I sometimes make it a point to not talk to him, I don't like to admit this, but to test and see how long until he texts me. Still nothing yet and its nearly 7 pm.

I realized that I was having a problem with this when on a day where we had barely any contact despite my efforts to engage him, he later nonchalantly told me about this really long conversation he was having with another woman, one of his friends. No big deal, I guess. Except they were apparently talking about her sex life or lack thereof the entire day. Whatever they're friends and friends talk about sex. But I'm starting to realize a trend with all of his female friends. Any conversation he mentions them having is about that woman's sex life and how terrible or what stupid thing they'd been doing with some other guy. Is this normal? Or am I just focusing on the things that make me uncomfortable?

The one girl he talks about the most now is one of his coworkers. She's a young twenty something like me. Something he's professed is right up his alley (he's 7 years older than I am, I am 23 going on 24). In an offhanded conversation he made it clear that its likely she doesn't know about me or my existence since as he says "I don't really talk about my personal life with the people I work with". This makes me even more antsy because as far as I'm concerned that also means she probably doesn't know that he's in a relationship. She texts him outside of work and tells him about her love turned to hate when she decided to hook up with one of their other co workers.

Why is she talking to him about sex, even if it is with other people? How does a 30 year old man get onto the topic of sex with a 22 year old girl, unless he's actively trying to bring it up? She may have brought it up herself, but even so that just seems really inappropriate for co workers with no romantic ties or deep friendship to be talking about that sort of thing. He's very secretive so I don't feel like I really even know where I stand anymore. Am I just being crazy or is this actually weird?

[niceguy]

He is a douche. You are not wrong to have these concerns. So many red flags.
First, if he is talking to multiple people re:bad sex, guess what honey- probs talking about u. Second, he doesn't mention you to work friends- this says a) I don't vale the relationship enough and 2) I'm keeping my options open.
Third, if he is not making an effort to call/text ( unless he is hectic at work) there is no excuse. Something is going on. You know this or your radar wouldn't be up.
Ok, so you have trust issues, past issues regarding this- but honestly. You already know the answer. Sorry to be so blunt.
Xx

[hvert]

What's even weirder than him constantly talking with a younger coworker about sex is his need to repeat the conversation to you for no reason at all. Does he want you to feel jealous? It sounds like he is playing some sort of game to me.

In answer to your questions, it's not normal for him to be having these in depth sexual conversations with other women all the time (and repeating them to you). If he's fairly uncommunicative with you except for repeating these conversations, it's natural that you'd focus on them. If he doesn't reply to you but then tells you that he's been spending his time talking with other women -- it's normal to be upset about that as well.

Are you still smitten with him?