[kchuck]

About a year ago I found out my wife was having an affair with a parent of teammate of my son . I noticed him hanging around her at games and at practices as soon as I would walk away from her . When I asked her about him she always denied anything was going on . One day on my way home from work my cell phone rang and my wife was crying saying I needed to come home right away , that she was taking the kids to her girlfriend and she wanted to die . I told to calm down and that I would be home as quick as I could . When I got there she told me she had gone out with this guy a couple times ( he had met her at lunch) and he couldn"t take the guilt anymore and he had to tell his wife . This was all a lie . What happened was , she went to his house and a neighbor spotted them going into the house and told his wife . She told me she was so sorry and we agreed to try to hang on mostly for the kids plus we did have a good relationship until recently , we hardly ever fought but maybe that was part of our problem. You see I hit what I felt was a homerun when my wife first told me she would go on a date with me back in 1989 and I did my best to treat her like a princess . I guess after hearing how good I treated her constantly by her friends and family for 17 years it started to make her feel like she couldn't do enough to deserve me . Dont think I'm bragging I just thought treating her that way was what she deserved and she made me feel like a king but I can tell you I probably didn't tell her that enough . Anyway the last year has been rough . My wife has always been a bit of a flirt but being so nieve I would usually think guys would walk away thinking what a lucky guy I was .(what a dope!) I can tell you I still dont sleep well at night thinking about what happened and then tonight she was asked to got out with her sisters and some friends to a bar . This normally wouldn't have bothered me except I know she went here with this guy on one of their dates ( I know this because it was on my bankstatement , I PAID FOR IT !!!! ) We spoke before she left and told her my feeling but I told her I have to try to get past this and to go unless of course she thought he might hang out there . I know I made her feel bad and I told her I was sorry for that but I had to say something . She went and I can't stop thinking about it but I know I would have felt just as bad if she stayed home because of my insecurities which I know are warranted . I don't know if I will ever be able to trust her again , it 's been so long .

been there, done that. i'm sorry that you're going through it. i can't BELIEVE that you paid for her clandestine evening! that took balls!

i'd insist upon marriage counseling or else. i'm sure there's more to the story, but just from the facts that you presented, it wouldn't hurt for you to have someone to both share your feelings with. you might find out some things that would help both of you.......xoxoxo pat

[kchuck]

We tried that Pat we were going right before I found out we spent about 6 to 8 weeks going turns out she was just lying to the counselor the whole time ( at least when we were in the sessions together ) she said she didn't feel comfortable with our counselor . I don't know why she wasted our time . We went separately after she was caught that seemed to make a difference , to her anyway .

[DavidStrong]

Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior.