[justbeingme80]

Does anyone else have a family member/friend that is embarassed by you? I really need some support so I hope someone can get through this long post.

I'm the family's dirty little secret. My dad went to the NAMI meetings suggested by the hospital I was in. My mom refuses to go saying she knows everything already, but as it has been proven in the last several years she knows nothing. She didn't want to be seen there at the meetings, she said to me.

When I was first diagnosed at age 22, my family was told by the social worker and the doctor at the hospital to go to the NAMI friends and family class to help them understand. She refuses to go.

It hurts my feelings that she doesn't want to go, and that she won't let me see my health doctor (see below please). I feel like she's embarassed by me. No one outside my parents know what illness I have, and most of my family just thinks I'm lazy because I'm still at home and don't work or go to school. Or
that I'm spoiled. I mean they don't have to tell them about the mental illness. I do have a debilitating physical illness to if they asked. I can't even talk to my mom about some stuff that's going on because she says "I don't want to hear it anymore". I'm tired of dealing with all the questions and diry looks, and gossip. Why don't they answer the questions for once in a while?

I hate that I'm an embarssment to her. It hurts my feelings and she doesn't know everything she thinks she does. She thinks because she works at an office with doctors that she knows everything medical. I've broken my arm and she won't take me in. I had to pretend I was sick at school so I could go to the office and get it looked at, once social services came and asked me
questions to make sure I wasn't being abused. I nearly died of heat stroke and she wouldn't take me to the hospital. I was delerious and then eventually unconsious with a temperature of almost 105 or 106. She packed me in ice and that was that. No medical treatment for heat stroke or dehydration. Sometimes I think I'll wake up and find that all this has been a dream
and I've really just been unconscious from the heat stroke.

She has always been that way and it makes me sad that I never used to get the medical treatment I needed because she thought she knew everything and she's just a receptionist, not even a nurse or PA, or NP!

I just want her to go to the NAMI program a lot. She doesn't understand and doesn't seem like she wants to understand.


Furthermore, my mom won't let me see my doctor, and I do really need to see this doctor right now for a problem. She won't let me see my doctor because she doesn't want anyone to know I'm on Medicare. She works at an office in the same hospital system, but my doctor is in a different office and no one she knows will see my records. She was worried her friend my ask her questions,
and I told her I didn't care if this person knew since this person's spouse has the same illness. And I don't think they would break the HIPAA laws. And this person doesn't even work at my doctor's office all the time, just on occasion. My mom wants to pay cash and tell them I don't have insurance, but we don't have the money for that. Plus I need some tests that aren't going to be cheap.

I'm just tired of it and sad. Why am I the dirty little secret ? Why can't they just accept me as me? Does anyone else feel that way? Like you're the crazy one who if the asylums were still open would be shuttled or hearded off there? Why wouldn't she take me to the doctor's when I was little and in pain? (I guess that's a separate issue though)?

[punkybrewster6k]

You are 22 years old.
She cannot make you not go.
Maybe it is time to open up to some friend or family so they can help you get the services you need?
You may not be able to rely on your mother right now so you're going to have to find someone else besides her to help you. There is no reason to be ashamed of a mental illness or any type of illness. All you need to do is keep yourself healthy and the only way to do that right now from what you are saying is to go see your doctor. Right now it's all about your health not about your mother.
I wish there was something you could do or say to change your mother's way of thinking about this, but in the meantime you need to take care of yourself.
You have health insurance. You have a doctor. Make an appointment.

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[Hellion]

You're mother sounds difficult to deal with and quite neglectful all in the name of what her image not being tarnished by having a daughter with mental illness? It sounds ridiculous...You really need to get help aside from her.

If you can't work are you on SSI/SSDI or not? if so it would be good to apply so you could get some of your own income and not have to depend on your moms...also how can she not 'let' you see your doctor you are 22 she has no such authority. So I think you need to somehow let her know you're an adult and you're going to live your life and do what you need to help yourself...rather than neglect your needs for the sake of her image.

Doesn't sound like she is likely to change, which I know can be painful...but I'd certainly recommend seeking support and help from people besides her, and if she'll hassle you about things like going to your doctor you don't have to discuss it with her.

[justbeingme80]

Thanks for your responses. (I'm in my 30s btw) I guess I should just make the appointment and not worry about what she thinks or gets asked about it. It's just hard. I love my parents, and I still live with them because of certain circumstances and that's what makes it hard. Yes I'm SSDI and SSI, but I still can't afford my own place or apartment right now. I just wish she would understand and I don't know how to make her understand.

[Hellion]

oh it says you were diagnosed at 22, I thought it said you were 22.

[CaptainChaos79]

I go through similar nonsense with my mother and I will be 35 this month. I just had to accept that she will never be okay with me but I am who I am and I will continue to be in spite of her. my mother also works in the medical field as a transcriptionist and has all my life so she is also a know it all. Fortunately, I have a doctor who knows me and both my parents and he understands my plight. At so.e point you have to say "I will not worry what anyone thinks (even my family) and I will do what is best for me." And be happy. Because chances are you will never be able to change enough to make everyone happy so being okay with yourself is what matters.