Meeting People... for Dummies

I don't drink anymore and I'm broke... so I don't go out to bars anymore. The problem is, I am really longing for company, friendship, and something more. I have a bit more time on my hands since I recently quit my job (although I'm hoping that all my applications will lead to a new job soon!), and there are a lot of cool things to do here in Fort Collins. The problem is, I have trouble meeting people. I'm scared and I always seem awkward and say things that are stupid... or odd... or just plain wrong. Befriending people doesn't exactly come easily to me. I want to make friends and it would be nice to be in a relationship with a guy that (for once) lasted longer than 8 months. And if I am to be brutally honest... I am horny. All the time these days. Nothing other than physical interaction with someone else seems to do it for me. It really sucks to be lonely and horny, especially when you're also broke and looking for work. In case anyone is wondering, yes I am on a dating website, but I've had very little luck. So, I'm asking how to make friends when you have social phobia? Seems like it should be easy, but for me, it's one of the hardest things ever...

Haha well the friend issue is a bit easier to fix I think. If you're afraid of being awkward I would recommend trying to volunteer first. There are lots of people and a common topic to talk about. There was one time I was volunteering at a prairie and so the fresh air and knowledge was really cool and there were lots of friendly people too! You might want to check out your local library and online to see if there are any meetups in your area that interest you! There are a lot of groups focused around different things and I'm sure you can find something that you can be passionate about I joined a ukulele group which was fun!

Best of luck!

I think the best way to meet people is to join a group activity. Sports, hobbies, spiritual groups, musical groups (lots of choirs popping up these days). If it is the opposite sex you are looking for, is there an activity you enjoy doing that is male dominated? A common interest helps with the social phobia because you will now have something in common to talk about.

Maybe... I'd have to do a more in-depth search because the activities I've found so far all cost money, and I have no money. Don't quite understand what you mean by "male-dominated" frankly... doing a group activity could be fun, but I still need to figure out how to not be scared of talking while I'm there

I think that it can be very difficult to find groups of like minded people to socialise with. The problem is probably made worse if/when you have little free money. I'm sure that you've already tried this, but perhaps you can search for local groups on the internet. Also you could try the meet-up website. Alternatively you could try setting up a group yourself. I'm not sure that there is such a thing as saying something wrong or stupid, it's just a matter of how people perceive what you say. I my view you should be yourself. In that way you will connect with people you have something in common with. Sometimes, when you need to heal, that can exacerbate an existing problem. But otherwise it's the best way to ensure that you find people like yourself that you can feel comfortable with. I think that everyone feels horny and frustrated at times. Try to be patient and don't rush things, something will turn up .

By 'Male dominated', I mean activities that guys tend to enjoy. For example, if I volunteer for the school, all the other volunteers will be women. I certainly don't expect to meet any guys there. I'd also add that it helps to think about what kind of people may be involved in the activity, if it is companionship you are looking for. What kind of people do you tend to get along with? What kind of people make you nervous? Stick with the first group and avoid the second. Think of situations where you are not feeling awkward, aren't stuck for words and can be yourself. What kind of people are you with in those situations?

If you want the honest truth, I am uncomfortable in almost every situation where there are lots of people. Take that how you like. And in my experience, lots of girls tend to enjoy the same things guys enjoy - sports, etc. So I'm sorry but I'm still not clear on what you meant. I don't have kids or anything, so I know nothing about volunteering at schools. But returning to your question about situations where I don't feel awkward, honestly they occur when I'm so involved in what I'm doing that I forget that I'm ugly and fat and awkward and scared, because I'm enjoying what I'm doing. If I do those types of activities with the same people enough times, I become more comfortable around those people, but even that takes awhile. I'm not sure it's the people themselves, I just get so self-conscious and it makes socializing very difficult.

Actually yeah, I'm on meetup.com and I've found a few groups that seem interesting, so I'm going to the next events. I hope that helps - it sucks that even though I get scared around people, I also get lonely for their company. I can't be myself, people won't like me if I'm myself. And unfortunately, I feel horny and frustrated all the time these days... but yeah, I hope something will turn up as well...

I understand how u feel cause i have problems in meeting or even trusting a new people especially girls.. because im just afraid to get hurts once again (ive been dump by my ex 6 times in a row and 3 of them are cheating on me, the recent one is the hardest one cause we were engaged and shes cheating on me 2 times, the last one when she dump me, shes cheating with more than just one guy) so now it leaves me with no other choice than closing my self and build a shield to prevent me from getting hurts anymore.. but i realise i cant stay alone.. so maybe u could try what im trying to be friended with someone over the net as a start to at least open up my self abit and to train my self to have abit self confidence, but thats not easy as well for me cause no one wants to be my friend.

In my experience it's hard to find groups with the right mix of people. Probably you just have to try a few different ones in order to find one that's right for you. I agree with a previous poster, it's best to try to find people with common interest, that will make it easier to strike-up a conversation. I used to be quite scared to talk to people, I found that it got easier with practice and I got slightly better at it with time. But I'm really terrible at small talk and I don't have any interest in the topics that most guys want to discuss. So, I find certain social situations very hard. With people, who are like myself it's much easier. Maybe it would be the same for you