[sbi18]

Last night while sitting with my boyfriend, I opened a message from a guy I used to have a thing with (let's just call him "Tyler") thinking he was just striking up a casual conversation or something because We aren't on bad terms. I open the message in front of my boyfriend only to find that it is a naked photo of me that I had sent to Tyler over a year ago when my boyfriend and I weren't dating. Tyler said he "came across the photo on his phone and thought it would be funny to send it to me". My boyfriend has trust issues due to things that have happened to him before we met. Earlier in the year when we were having a casual conversation he asked me how many guys I had sent naked photos to in my life and I thought about it for a second and listed off two guys that I could think of, neither of them were Tyler . I don't know why I didn't mention that tyler had photos of me, I never keep things from my boyfriend and have been completely faithful to him throughout our relationship but for some reason when he asked me which guys had naked photos off, I somehow forgot about Tyler or failed to mention him for god knows what reason. Now, my boyfriend thinks that I intentionally lied about Tyler having photos, and is also wondering why a guy who I no longer have romantic connections with is sending me naked photos of myself. Before this fight when my boyfriend would get insecure about something I would say "I have never done anything to break your trust, it's not fair for you to treat me like I have" . Now he has lost all trust for me and I don't know what to say to him because I honestly didn't intentionally lie about Tyler, I don't know what I was thinking at the time and it was a sincere mistake but when I tell him it was an accident he doesn't believe me. I am also afraid that if we resolve this, for the rest of our relationship when he gets insecure about something and questions me, he will revert back to this instance and say "you've lied to me in the past, why should I trust you now". What do I do now? Will he be able to believe or trust me again? I feel like this is a death wish on our relationship that is going to cause trust issues until we finally break up, but I sincerely didn't have bad intentions or dishonestly in my heart at any time throughout the whole ordeal.

Please help.

[eskielover]

For me it wouldn't be an issue of trust but disrespect.....I would NEVER respect someone who would send a naked photo of themselves on a phone.

Can't have a relationship where there is no respect......it's your choice what kind of relationships you want through...if you want the naked photo kind of relationships....you are going in the right direction.....if you really want quality caring relationships.....maybe you should rethink your values.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by sbi18

Last night while sitting with my boyfriend, I opened a message from a guy I used to have a thing with (let's just call him "Tyler") thinking he was just striking up a casual conversation or something because We aren't on bad terms. I open the message in front of my boyfriend only to find that it is a naked photo of me that I had sent to Tyler over a year ago when my boyfriend and I weren't dating. Tyler said he "came across the photo on his phone and thought it would be funny to send it to me". My boyfriend has trust issues due to things that have happened to him before we met. Earlier in the year when we were having a casual conversation he asked me how many guys I had sent naked photos to in my life and I thought about it for a second and listed off two guys that I could think of, neither of them were Tyler . I don't know why I didn't mention that tyler had photos of me, I never keep things from my boyfriend and have been completely faithful to him throughout our relationship but for some reason when he asked me which guys had naked photos off, I somehow forgot about Tyler or failed to mention him for god knows what reason. Now, my boyfriend thinks that I intentionally lied about Tyler having photos, and is also wondering why a guy who I no longer have romantic connections with is sending me naked photos of myself. Before this fight when my boyfriend would get insecure about something I would say "I have never done anything to break your trust, it's not fair for you to treat me like I have" . Now he has lost all trust for me and I don't know what to say to him because I honestly didn't intentionally lie about Tyler, I don't know what I was thinking at the time and it was a sincere mistake but when I tell him it was an accident he doesn't believe me. I am also afraid that if we resolve this, for the rest of our relationship when he gets insecure about something and questions me, he will revert back to this instance and say "you've lied to me in the past, why should I trust you now". What do I do now? Will he be able to believe or trust me again? I feel like this is a death wish on our relationship that is going to cause trust issues until we finally break up, but I sincerely didn't have bad intentions or dishonestly in my heart at any time throughout the whole ordeal.

Please help.

you know sbi18 one thing that never ceases to amaze me about people guys and girls alike is WHY DO PEOPLE ASK QUESTIONS YOU DON"T WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWERS TO??? i'm really curious as to why he would ask you that question..i for one would never ask about any of my girlfriend's previous sexual escapades for two reasons.
1) it's none of my business
2) i don't want her asking about mine!

so now i'm gonna be honest..if i was him i would not be happy about knowing my gf naked photo is floating around various cellphones and possibly the internet, but with that being said..i'm sure since he knew this upfront..gotta just deal with it.

i do have to say that "tyler" randomly sending that picture would raise a few eyebrows and i can see your bf's concern, in light of you knowing about his previous relationship woes you are going to find yourself at a crossroads.

you have an insecure bf that is damaged goods but you elected to have a relationship with him....now with that you will have to make some sacrifices that in a normal healthy relationship, normally you wouldn't have to.if you expect to stay with your current bf without these blow ups.."tyler" will have to go.

in a normal relationship you shouldn't have to break off friendships and so forth....BUT...you are not in a normal relationship.

furthermore..if "tyler" knew you were in a relationship..he did this on purpose to stir up trouble..if he didn't know, perhaps he thought you were available..this is a flirting technique some guys use to gauge your response.

at any rate "tyler" appears to be trouble for your relationship.
so you're in quite a pickle..i'll see if i can help you with "damage control" with a couple tips or suggestions..you may not like any of them, but just some ideas to toss around to help get you out of this mess.

1) if you insist on still being "friends" with "tyler" you will need to do a phone conference with him, your bf and yourself..stating clear boundaries and that these type of things are not to happen again EVER, or we can no longer have any contact..unpleasant but possibly effective.

2) you can cut off all communication with "tyler" and verify this with your bf..a pain in the keister..but also effective. very effective.

3) you can break up with your bf and find someone not so insecure..painful..but effective.

4)you can give up all sense of privacy by giving up passwords and phone numbers and everything else in a desperate attempt to prove nothing is going on and you have nothing to hide. a bit extreme, probably uncalled for..but nonetheless effective.

so i don't know that any of these choices/suggestions are pretty..none appear to be very comfortable..but hey desperate times call for desperate measures,right?

one thing is for sure..if you do nothing..it will only get worse!
good luck & i hope this helps!

[hvert]

Trying2survive has it right -- that was a dumb question for him to ask you in the first place!

Unfortunately, you can't make your boyfriend react the way you think he should. Hopefully he will come around and understand that you can't control what people do with photos they took a year ago. If not, you might be better off with someone who doesn't have these kinds of trust issues.

Tyler sounds like a jerk.