Feeling like a last option to others

I feel like I'm a last option or back up friend to others. Constantly I feel like people don't want me around unless they have no one else to hang around and when I am in a group setting, I'm completely ignored. I'll try saying something and I'll get completely blown off and treated like I never said anything or like I'm not even there. Also if I say something that is a common thing that everyone else says especially if it's funny, people will be like um no don't say that or no I don't want to hear that or not want to hear that at the moment but if someone else says the same thing, even if it's just a few minutes later, that person laughs and does not care. It's like I'm not allowed to joke around and stuff because I'm too weird or something but when someone else says or does the same thing it's perfectly okay and maybe even funny. Just sick of this, makes me wonder if they really don't want me around as a friend. I've talked to a couple of them and one of them says there's no problem but her actions speak louder than words and someone else told me he sees what's happening and can see that I'm always left out and stuff. Just feel like people also intentionally try to leave me out of things because plans will be made and I won't be invited unless someone tells them to and a few times plans were changed to an earlier time and I didn't know about it until I texted them and talked to them about it first and they told me that it was earlier than originally planned and the only reason I had found out because I had asked if the plans were still on in the first place. They didn't even try to let me know whatsoever that the times had changed. Just sick of this and it's making me feel depressed and unwanted.

Hi RyanLR2015,

It sounds like you don't feel very confident and people pick up on that. I went through a lot of that when I was younger and still have times when I feel that way now as an adult. My oldest son, 13, also struggles to feel validated and claims he has no friends.

People are very sheep-like, especially in groups and cliques, which is what it sounds to me like you feel left out of. Do you have any interests that you participate in? Having something that you feel confident and want to do lends power to what you say. Do you have a therapist?

Yeah, I just feel like people just don't like me since I've had experiences in the past where I would be in a group only to find out I was never wanted and they just had me around only out of politeness, pity, and obligation. I have a fear it will and is happening again. And I am in a club which only one of the other group members attend, but as a group we usually talk or play rock band. But usually I am left out and also conversations tend to get a little too perverted at times and also conversations tend to get repeated a lot, so much that conversations that used to be funny are no longer funny anymore. I don't have any other interests though. And no I don't have a therapist but I did talk to a counselor at school once and I was just told to keep on trying to find new friends which doesn't help. I want to know what's wrong with me and what I can do to rectify the problem.

Hi, I have felt almost the same way and the past, and I still do at times. I'm terrible in group settings, but I'm a lot better with people one on one. I don't think it's you who's the problem, I think it's the people who you are hanging out with who ARE the problem. They sound like a bunch of stuck up hypocrites.

If one person can say the same thing and get a good response from other people, but it's not OK for you to tell the same joke or talk about the same thing, then that is a major red flag. They're basically trying to ignore you as they don't want you around. Sorry, but that's probably the case. If you act shy or awkward around other people, especially when they're outgoing, that might make them think that you're not friendly, or that you're aloof even when that's not the case at all.

Sorry, but a lot of people are to quick to judge and they often won't look past first impressions. Most people in general tend to stick to people that they have things in common with and they don't always welcome people that they don't know that easily into their group sometimes, especially younger people. Do what I do and try to hang out with people one on one or in small groups to where you know the people in it a lot better. You need to find new friends who'll like and accept you for who you are.

Try joining some groups at school or talking to other people that are like minded that you have common interests with. Ignore those jerks and move on. They don't have the guts to be direct with you, so they exclude you instead. If you're at least 18, you can join this free social site to where you can meet people in person called meetup.com. It's a great way to meet people! I'm shy, but even I was able to make a few friends from joining that site.

I agree. Anyone who can be that rude to you is beneath you! You sound like a far better person than they are! You deserve better! I'm sure you can find a lot of friends who will support you here, & hopefully, some Better friends will come along in your real life as well!

Thank you. I agree, the group is not that big, just me, two other guys, and two other girls, although one of the guys doesn't hang out with us very much. I hate it when they do that and when I am invited to a group event, it is because one of the guys told them to invite me or he invites me himself. We are not close friends but I think he is the only one who may possibly consider me an actual friend. They are all younger, the youngest being a freshmen in college. Yeah. I seriously think they will drop me as a friend once summer rolls around since we won't be together for three and a half months and probably after graduation as well.

Yep, and when I am upset about something, they don't seem really interested in hearing what I have to say, they either ignore, interrupt with their problems, or just say that it is no big deal. Feel like they secretly don't like me as a friend but just don't want to come out and say it.

There's always people here who will listen & let you know you're important too! Other people may tell you their problems as well, to let you know you're not alone, but you will be heard!