[JustBeachy79]

Hey there,

I guess what I'm searching for here is some comfort, advice and the opinions of people I've never met. For anyone willing to read my story, here it goes:

I met my guy when I was 16. He was 18. Instant connection. We are now 35 and 37 years old. He is the son of a man who was dating a friend of my moms. We met at the community pool in my mothers complex. We have grown up together and we have been through hell at times experiencing the world in love through all of these years. We were engaged at one point for about a year but I got scared and it didn't happen. He cheated on me about 6 years into the relationship with two different girls. I then slept with an acquaintance of his who later became his friend (strange I know). Young and dumb decision on my part to seek "revenge" like that. We had since forgiven each other and went on to live in several different places of residence over the years and that acquaintance I slept with, he became friends with again. I made a wrong move and sent that guy a text message (it was a question mark. No really, that's what I texted him was "?") when I was really drunk and my guy found out about it. Of course he was highly upset with me but knew how much I regretted making such a stupid move. It really meant nothing. I felt like it was a "lets see if I still got it move". But I honestly don't know why. Anyway....fast forward two years...

Now we're in the house we're renting and have been here for 2.5 years. The last year or so, we had talked about saving money to buy a house on the west coast. Always been a dream. Half of his immediate family is there now. At one point, we even talked about marriage again and having a kid. My point is, we invested financially, emotionally and mentally into going forward with "the plan" until one day in November last year, I discovered a string of texts over the course of 2 months between him and my best friend. Now, the messed up part, is her husband is my guys best friend. And we've all been friends for about 10-12 years. So the premise of her texting him in the first place was to confide in him about her potential dissolution of marriage of 10 years and the slew of problems she was facing. They have 2 young kids together. The thing is, I knew all the details about what was going on in her life as she had already confided in me. What I didn't (and still don't) understand is why she thought it was appropriate to contact him without my knowledge and talk to him about such personal things. Or at least could have told me she respects my opinion, but needs a mans point of view and then I could have been okay with her talking to him, in my presence.
To boot, my guy apparently was having problems with me but had never opened up to me about it and instead, took the time to tell her everything when she came to him about her problems. It was terrific timing on both of their parts that they had a lot on their minds about their significant others but couldn't seem to muster the courage to talk to the right people about it. So I discovered emails on top of it, and then confronted him. He said she came to him as a friend and it turned into what it turned into. I forgave him for it. I was more concerned with MY relationship with him. Two months versus 18 years. Yeah.

So, we tried to take space from each other between January and the beginning of March so he could "figure things out". I was accommodating, but we just kept coming around/hanging out/sleeping together. So a couple of weeks ago, he said we need to talk and told me he's lost feelings for me. He said he doesn't know if he can get the feelings back that he used to have for me but still very much loves and cares about me. I should hope so after that long. What it came down to, was over the last several years I have taken my insecurities out on him and although I knew it was a problem, I never wanted to own or really do something about it until now, when I've lost him. I've begun anti depressants and therapy. And I can't help but think this insecurity has stemmed from our past. I am living in our rented house until the lease is up in 5 months and he is (partially) staying at a mutual friends house. He still comes around for the occasional hang out, help with the yard, the pool, pick up mail, etc. And it's actually very friendly when he's around. It's heartbreaking too.
So needless to say, it's very confusing and hard. I'm supposed to be moving into a 1 bedroom apartment with my dog in September and starting a life completely alone. He is going to put our other belongings in storage that I take to the apartment and help me move. Then he'll stay at his friends house for a while. I'm shattered. He took his love and my friends away.

This is a long term relationship that started when you were both very young.

I think that you both need an opportunity to get out there and live separate lives.

I know that it's not the comfort that you were looking for, but it's the right thing to do, IMHO.
And it's a good thing that this is happening before marriage or children.

Good luck to you.

[JustBeachy79]

Thank you for your input. I'm trying to stay hopeful that this could be a good thing. Take some time to heal from what has happened. In the past and recently. We obviously have a very deep connection and I don't see that going away. That's the only thing that motivates me not to cry as much these days, is that there may be chance we will come together again and learn again, to trust one another. I'm such a dreamer, but I do believe he is the one. Always has been, always will be.

Originally Posted by JustBeachy79

Thank you for your input. I'm trying to stay hopeful that this could be a good thing. Take some time to heal from what has happened. In the past and recently. We obviously have a very deep connection and I don't see that going away. That's the only thing that motivates me not to cry as much these days, is that there may be chance we will come together again and learn again, to trust one another. I'm such a dreamer, but I do believe he is the one. Always has been, always will be.

Then you will be together in the future.

Hugs to you.