[DevilChild28]

There's - once again - my bf 'Mitch', and friend 'Amy'.
'Mitch' and I recently got back together after a brief break because of stress. Here's what's worrying me now though...
Mitch had asked that we keep our relationship private for a while, thing is, he told me that it was because he had a few people to deal with before he wanted us to go public.
About 4 days ago, I guess 'Amy's' suspicions were up because she tricked Mitch into telling her that we were back together - she told him to just admit it and that I had told her, when in fact I never told her.
Anyways, she tricked him into admitting it to her, they talked and well...
Amy told me Mitch had said he didn't know if he wanted to even go public that he and I are back together. She said he said he doesn't know if he wants to even be together again - according to her, Mitch said that when he's not with me his feelings aren't that strong, but when he is with me his feelings for me are absolutely through the roof.
When ever we're together things just feel perfect. We've only been back together about 3 weeks now, and he's already started saying "I love you again". We've even started doing the...'things' that we used to do all the time. I'm just so confused!
Should I confront him?
Ask him why this isn't something he talked to me about?
Simply ask when we'll go public that we're together again?
Or wait and see what happens?
Most of all, I want someone else's opinion - does he really still care like he tells me he does?

[Elektra_]

hi. i think when someone doesnt want to be public there is something wrong. so i wouldnt even be with that person. tc

[eskielover]

Actually it's a very normal thing for feelings to not be there or definitely not as strong when away from the person....there was an article written on LOVE that basically confirms that research.....the love is blind & absence makes the heart grow stronger crap is a false thinkin

She said he said he

.....DON'T GO THERE. Even if he is lying to you.....at least you know what HE SAYS. Your relationship is between Mitch & you. If he decides that it's NOT something he wants to open up about......then I would definitely KNOW that he's just using you no matter what he says.

I wouldn't be too hasty in thinking that you do have a relationship with him given what it is now.....but I would sit back & take my time to see the big picture......not what you wish it to be.

When people can't be honest to you or even to the rest of the world.....it's because they have something to hide.....& I wouldn't want to be the one that's being hidden.

[DevilChild28]

Originally Posted by Elektra_

hi. i think when someone doesnt want to be public there is something wrong. so i wouldnt even be with that person. tc

Ik there's something wrong...there's something wrong on both my and his end. We both have stuff going on that's stressing us out, and if you knew the things he said he was stressed out about - If they are true - you'd understand why it'd make sense to keep private for a little bit.

My question(s) still remain though - should I confront it, act like I don't know what 'Amy' said and simply ask when we'll go public, or act like I don't know and wait and see? I'm not one to just leave a situation without figuring things out. :S

[DevilChild28]

Originally Posted by eskielover

Actually it's a very normal thing for feelings to not be there or definitely not as strong when away from the person....there was an article written on LOVE that basically confirms that research.....the love is blind & absence makes the heart grow stronger crap is a false thinkin

.....DON'T GO THERE. Even if he is lying to you.....at least you know what HE SAYS. Your relationship is between Mitch & you. If he decides that it's NOT something he wants to open up about......then I would definitely KNOW that he's just using you no matter what he says.

I wouldn't be too hasty in thinking that you do have a relationship with him given what it is now.....but I would sit back & take my time to see the big picture......not what you wish it to be.

When people can't be honest to you or even to the rest of the world.....it's because they have something to hide.....& I wouldn't want to be the one that's being hidden.

- Soo...don't confront him of it???
- Exactly, though, I want to see what it all really is, regardless if it's what I'd like or not. The truth means the most to me. He says he's telling me the truth, so what's with this Amy stuff again? It's not the first time she's told me something he supposedly said. A few times they were true, but they usually turned out to be false...so what's going on?

[eskielover]

I think you should stay away from Amy......this she said he said crap isn't acceptable at all.....usually when people do that they have some kind of vested interest behind the scene & are using it as a way to keep people apart or destroy a relationship.......it needs to be he said he said.

Conflict with what he said......needs to be confronted but you shouldn't get into the he said she said situations in the first place. If he's your BF & you really want it to be a true relationship.....he should be talking to you & things he says shouldn't be coming through what she says......BF's shouldn't be talking to other females to let them know things that you don't......you can't have a good or trusting relationship in those conditions. Better off without than a relationship like that.

Maybe that she has some interest in him & really doesn't want you to be with him.....by telling you untrue stuff maybe in hopes of breaking up you & him so you will be out of the way?????.....just a thought that crossed my mind....usually girls wouldn't even bother with that kind of crap unless deep down underneath they are hoping that it will get you out of the picture.

[hvert]

It sounds like you want to confront him. Why not go for it?

I'd want to know why he told Amy that stuff. Did he think she wouldn't tell you or did he want you to find out?

The whole situation sounds very stressful.

[DevilChild28]

Originally Posted by eskielover

I think you should stay away from Amy......this she said he said crap isn't acceptable at all.....usually when people do that they have some kind of vested interest behind the scene & are using it as a way to keep people apart or destroy a relationship.......it needs to be he said he said.

Conflict with what he said......needs to be confronted but you shouldn't get into the he said she said situations in the first place. If he's your BF & you really want it to be a true relationship.....he should be talking to you & things he says shouldn't be coming through what she says......BF's shouldn't be talking to other females to let them know things that you don't......you can't have a good or trusting relationship in those conditions. Better off without than a relationship like that.

Maybe that she has some interest in him & really doesn't want you to be with him.....by telling you untrue stuff maybe in hopes of breaking up you & him so you will be out of the way?????.....just a thought that crossed my mind....usually girls wouldn't even bother with that kind of crap unless deep down underneath they are hoping that it will get you out of the picture.

-Trust me you are not the first to say that she may be interested in him...I know for a fact that she at least *used* too be because she and him had a 'thing'. Then she got a bf (who wasn't Mitch) and she introduced Mitch and I. One of the few things though that makes me think she doesn't have an interest in him is the fact that she is currently in a relationship, and doesn't seem like the person to do something like that to a friend while in a relationship herself. :\
-I'm still a bit confused though - should I confront him about it somehow or not?

[DevilChild28]

Originally Posted by hvert

It sounds like you want to confront him. Why not go for it?

I'd want to know why he told Amy that stuff. Did he think she wouldn't tell you or did he want you to find out?

The whole situation sounds very stressful.

-It is really stressful :s
-The only reason I haven't confronted him yet is because I don't know if it's the right thing to do...I'm an idiot and I always over think things. Unwillingly, I always think of as many different outcomes as I can and usually end up scaring my self. :\

[eskielover]

Go ahead & confront him in a very diplomatic way.........like.....

"I heard from Amy.....,..just wondering your side so i have all the facts from both sides".

As it stands you don't really have a relationship if it's in secret..so you really won't be loosing anything if it doesnt tirn out ok...& if it does then it will strengthen the communication in your relationship.

You really have nothing to loose by communication...i wouldn't go into it as a confrontation however

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[DevilChild28]

Originally Posted by eskielover

Go ahead & confront him in a very diplomatic way.........like.....

"I heard from Amy.....,..just wondering your side so i have all the facts from both sides".

As it stands you don't really have a relationship if it's in secret..so you really won't be loosing anything if it doesnt tirn out ok...& if it does then it will strengthen the communication in your relationship.

You really have nothing to loose by communication...i wouldn't go into it as a confrontation however

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Alrighty, thank you!
Just one last question though...do you think he's honest when he tells me he cares about me, loves me, etc.? Idc if other people say he doesn't IF he means it when he says it too me. So what do you think, do you think he actually cares???

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by DevilChild28

Alrighty, thank you!
Just one last question though...do you think he's honest when he tells me he cares about me, loves me, etc.? Idc if other people say he doesn't IF he means it when he says it too me. So what do you think, do you think he actually cares???

That's hard to tell.....i wouldn't buy the love crap at this point....that's usually what guys tell girls to get them to feel safe to have sex with the guy.

I would definitely take everything very slow & make him prove his words with action....if he's not willing then he really doesn't care about you & only wants what he can get out of you. Life was so much more simple & easy when sex was part of marriage....destroy values & you only complicate relationships because you never know if gou can believe or trust them.

With all that seems to have been going on between you with the breakup....i would be the one taking getting back together very slow & making him prove his feelings not with words or sex

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[Hong Kong Fluey]

Being truly in love? Wouldn't you want the world to know?!

I would and you need to ask yourself whether this is right for you, not for him.

[NWgirl2013]

eskie is right, and sex does muddle it, and, really? There is so much unnecessary drama going on here. Rule of thumb and rule for life is and should always be...honesty. Be honest with yourself.
Expect him to be honest with you. Take nothing less.
Relationships are in most people's lives, a Big Deal and not something to be gossiped about and certainly not hidden...for any reason. That is just odd. Amy sounds like trouble.
So yes, Ask Away. Get all your questions answered.
Can you call this a relationship when there is so much uncertainty swirling around it?
Best to you as you get the answers you deserve...