[Jeriah]

I was reading the article, Parent Abuse by Teen by By Ben Martin, Psy.D. which seems to be current. I am currently in a situation where my spouse and I are being mistreated, abused, by our children ages 9 to 16. The father is being outcast by the children, he does not exist. If he tries to help the child will not acknowledge his presence. The mother is being verbally and physically abuse in private and public. Both have tried to find help. The Crisis Center has been called on numerous occasions. The police have been called so much that 911 calls back to see if help is really needed. The police can go both ways helpful and hurtful. Children have rights. Parents have restrictions. They have threatened the parent with a common law known as a 'Disorderly House' to try and force them to move. They have told them to control the house or be arrested for Neglect. the System does a great job of protecting the child but if the parents are in danger ... it forces the parents to a point of helplessness. These parents brought an In-house service in but they were not about to help do to liability. What help is available to keep a family functional in this situation?

Last night father got out of bath around midnight wanted to turn lights out, but the child would not let him. He took the light bulbs out of the light and locked them in a bathroom. He cannot sleep with the lights on. Was this too drastic?

[kaliope]

I personally do not see anything wrong with locking the lightbulbs in the bathroom so they cannot be used so you can get some sleep. they are your lightbulbs afterall. have you removed all privileges from the children? all they have left is their beds, nothing on the walls even? taken all their clothes and given them sweatsuits to wear to school that they have to wash everyday so they have something clean? no phones or video games. feed them basic, no frills meals, none of their favorites, no snacks, no soda or treats. they get nothing at all until they start being respectful. you meet their basic needs. a bar of soap to clean with, no fancy bodywash or shampoos. they need a soft place to sleep, something to wear, and their nutritional needs met. there is no law that says they have to like what you provide. everything you give them what they like it is a privilege. let them earn it.

That is TERRIBLE D: I can't even imagine being mean to my mother on purpose. I think kaliope is right though, people don't often understand how nice they have it until it's taken away. Especially with kids who think they can take and take and take, sometimes it is best to give them the bare minimums. Especially if they're getting that ridiculously rowdy.

Give them a phone with only restricted options of calling home or emergency numbers. Block the internet from them unless they need it for school and then have the parental controls on verrrrry tightly. Use a lock to stop kids from finding and plugging the tv and games back it (Lock the hole in one of the plug's metal prongs). Do things by the reward system. If they behave they can make a request on what they would like for dinner. If they don't, give them brusselsprouts and meatloaf while the parents go for a nice dinner out. Replace their entire wardrobe with old handmedowns or if you want, have fun with it and only give them animal printed everything. Remember to lock your door though because revenge can be rough.

Best of luck!

[Jeriah]

Thanks for the ideals. We have tried this type of discipline, however; they are more than willing to go without and scream for several hours to wear their parents down. The in-house counseling did not work but left without any advice on how to fix our 'up-side down' problem. We did try locking ourselves in our own bedroom, however; the door is now totally broken and not even closeable.
To make matters worse Social Services is now tell us to do as they say or face "Neglect" charges. Looks like a new chapter is about to start.

[Jeriah]

What type of "help" should we seek for our situation? CWS has referred us to Frameworks for Families which seems to be a resource manager for the county programs. They said we are a low risk for abusing our children, however; the children need protecting. Mind the child was hurting her mother when the police were called. The police report was generated to get CPS involved. They said the other four children seemed to be not parented. One child was with the other parent. The 16 years olds were avoiding the police and the other child was hiding so that none of the other children were seen at all. But because neglect was indicated CPS got involved. The parents injuries were not addressed. The question is how can the parents make the best of this?