[leveridl]

I know this is long but please take the time to read, I really need advice!
My boyfriend has depression, and may have done for quite a while but he was only diagnosed last week.
When we were first together he used to give me a lot of sexual attention and it was great. He used to make me orgasm all the time and enjoyed doing it, yet he made me wait a long time before we had actual sex because he wanted to be sure I wasn't going to 'run away' afterwards.

Once we started having sex, he carried on making me orgasm using his hands and did this before sex, as I can't orgasm through penetration. However this began to tail off. For the past few months he has been having a lot more orgasms than me every week e.g 6:1. I know it isn't a competition and I love pleasing him, but I can't help feeling dissatisfied. I give him lots of sexual attention and he just doesn't seem to want to give it back any more. When he does, he doesn't seem as into it as he used to be and he gets frustrated that it takes me longer to reach orgasm (but I am only struggling because I know he doesn't do it as often any more, so I put pressure on myself to make the most of it!) and now that I know he gets frustrated about time, it makes it even more difficult and so he seems to be doing it even less. Its become a horrible cycle and we never used to have this problem!!!

I'm hoping that the depression is the reason that this began happening but I am sceptical because of the fact that he is still interested in sex and having orgasms himself.
I feel I can't bring it up because it'll sound offensive and selfish, especially as he is so fragile right now. What can I do to find out the reason and to help get things back on track?

[pj4101]

Originally Posted by leveridl

I know this is long but please take the time to read, I really need advice!
My boyfriend has depression, and may have done for quite a while but he was only diagnosed last week.
When we were first together he used to give me a lot of sexual attention and it was great. He used to make me orgasm all the time and enjoyed doing it, yet he made me wait a long time before we had actual sex because he wanted to be sure I wasn't going to 'run away' afterwards.

Once we started having sex, he carried on making me orgasm using his hands and did this before sex, as I can't orgasm through penetration. However this began to tail off. For the past few months he has been having a lot more orgasms than me every week e.g 6:1. I know it isn't a competition and I love pleasing him, but I can't help feeling dissatisfied. I give him lots of sexual attention and he just doesn't seem to want to give it back any more. When he does, he doesn't seem as into it as he used to be and he gets frustrated that it takes me longer to reach orgasm (but I am only struggling because I know he doesn't do it as often any more, so I put pressure on myself to make the most of it!) and now that I know he gets frustrated about time, it makes it even more difficult and so he seems to be doing it even less. Its become a horrible cycle and we never used to have this problem!!!

I'm hoping that the depression is the reason that this began happening but I am sceptical because of the fact that he is still interested in sex and having orgasms himself.
I feel I can't bring it up because it'll sound offensive and selfish, especially as he is so fragile right now. What can I do to find out the reason and to help get things back on track?

I'm no expert, but I can speak from experience that when one is depressed one tends to be self-focused. Perhaps he uses sex to feel good himself and is unable at this time to focus on you. He's in pain and looking for relief if only for a few minutes. Be patient and be there. I assume he is getting mental health care from a professional. If not, urge him to seek it. And talk to someone yourself. Don't despair. Time and treatment will help.

Depression in him, from how I see it, has nothing to do with it. if it were his depression affecting his sexuality, more often than not it prevents one from actually even wanting to engage in sex in the first place. I don't think his wanting to please you and bring you to O has anything to do with it. You are right to be skeptical, not that I'm saying he's doing something terrible but it doesn't sound accurate.

When it comes to his willingness to please you in that way, it seems to be more related to his desire to do so. It sounds to me like he's being rather self-focused sexually and has taken you for granted. The possible reasons for this may be too many to list. Some things that may affect it would bring up questions, at least for me as to how good your relationship is elsewhere? The closer people are, the more passionate they are about each other will affect how much they are willing to go out of their way to please the other person. I can't answer this here but it's something to ask yourself. Although it's been said females need to feel satisfied and happy emotionally with their partner in order to want sex, it also holds true for males. Although a male can still have sex successfully and climax, even when all those things are not in place, in my experience, if they are not happy with their partner 100% it becomes mechanical and self focused, they will be more focused on their own goal of reaching climax and tend to forget about the needs of their partner. Again, that's just my experience and view.

Without knowing more about how your relationship is, I can't say that is what is happening but it's something to look at.

[kawaiigurl1981]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Depression in him, from how I see it, has nothing to do with it. if it were his depression affecting his sexuality, more often than not it prevents one from actually even wanting to engage in sex in the first place. I don't think his wanting to please you and bring you to O has anything to do with it. You are right to be skeptical, not that I'm saying he's doing something terrible but it doesn't sound accurate.

When it comes to his willingness to please you in that way, it seems to be more related to his desire to do so. It sounds to me like he's being rather self-focused sexually and has taken you for granted. The possible reasons for this may be too many to list. Some things that may affect it would bring up questions, at least for me as to how good your relationship is elsewhere? The closer people are, the more passionate they are about each other will affect how much they are willing to go out of their way to please the other person. I can't answer this here but it's something to ask yourself. Although it's been said females need to feel satisfied and happy emotionally with their partner in order to want sex, it also holds true for males. Although a male can still have sex successfully and climax, even when all those things are not in place, in my experience, if they are not happy with their partner 100% it becomes mechanical and self focused, they will be more focused on their own goal of reaching climax and tend to forget about the needs of their partner. Again, that's just my experience and view.

Without knowing more about how your relationship is, I can't say that is what is happening but it's something to look at.

Yes I think I agree with this wholeheartedly it sounds more that you could be being taken for granted or there are some other issues in the relationship and these sexual issues are the manifestation of those problems. Have you discussed this with him ?