[Daylight003]

Hi..

Needed someone to talk to and some how I ended up here.

(Wasn't sure where to post this threat, hope it's in the right location.)

Feeling down right now. I feel like a disappointment. My dad is trying his best to look out for me and my future and I just keep messing things up.. To make a long story short, my mother is self-centred, irrational & delusional -to put it lightly. In fact, I could hazard a fair guess to say that she has NPD (narcissistic personality disorder), although she hasn't officially been diagnosed by a doctor. While my dad is trying to provide us the best future he can offer is, she is trying to do everything in her power to take it away & to keep everything for herself. She thinks that she deserves a reward(money) for looking after "his children", and that being the kind wife she was, who had affairs, shouted & slammed doors, belittled him, treated him like a 3rd class citizen (dirt on her shoe)/a bank/a handyman, she thinks that she is deserving of some kind of payment for her generosity. (Though to the outside world, she continuously plays the part of the so-called victim.)

Trouble is, I know all these things (&more), and although a large part of me does resent her (for her inhumane actions and behaviour) the other part of me, is just, always numb. Like I struggle to hate her and people in general. I don't know why I am this way, maybe cus I never had a proper mother-daughter relationship with her, and with my social life I sometimes feel like a social oddball/outcast. So sometimes I do resent her, and other times I'm just not able to hate. Like I know I should, I know I should, I know I shouldn't let people walk all over me/get away with unjust behaviour, but it's just hard to say it out loud/express it in person. Perhaps I'm weak or something..

Anyway, I seen my mother recently and she was fishing as per usual, (i.e digging for any information that could benefit her). And I told her something I shouldn't have -cus I wasn't prepared to lie or well not really lie, but to not tell her business that doesn't even concern her -as she's only asking out of her own interest/personal gain. Point is, I've really messed up by telling her this information. I hadn't meant to but I just told her because I wasn't prepared with what to say/ she caught me off guard.

And now because of this, I may have single handily jeopardised my own future, as well as my sisters.. I'm presently not in a place where I'm able to look after myself (both 'emotionally' and finically). My dad has cancer. I don't know what's going to happen, today, tomorrow, maybe the next year, but one thing is for certain, for her to sceeve and manipulate her way to 'victory', to deprive my dad of his life earnings, to deprive us of our future inheritance, would be more than injustice, it would flat out wrong.

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Side Note: Guess I just feel somewhat hopeless. I feel like my future is out of my hands. Every time I believe things will get better, it doesn't, and I just feel like I'm not making any progress here.. I'm no where near where I want to be (in life) and I don't know how to fix it/ get to that place I'm longing to be.

[SeekerOfLife]

Hi Daylight....you sound young. How old are you? Welcome to PC. The relationship forum is a good place to start.
Sorry your mom is not there for you. Have you had this talk with your dad? I guess you are feeling like you have an uncertain future. Are there any friends or relatives you can stay with until your family can get some counseling?

[thickntired]

Hi. I have a love/hate relationship with my Mom. I'm just trying to reset boundaries as many times as needed. My mom grew up in a very dysfunctional home so I guess she did the best she could. I also know she is in desperate need of therapy and meds but whatever. I'd talk to your Dad as it sounds like you have a good relationship. I'm very sorry he has cancer. That has to be stressful, and therapy for yourself may be the best way to sort this out.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk

[Daylight003]

Hi, thanks for getting back to me.

@seekersinking

I'm not that young to be honest.. (in my early 20s). It's just I feel a bit beaten down/ defeated at times (after an episode of let's just call it 'drama'). My dad knows everything concerning my mother, but about the life thing, I just don't think he understands. He's always able to just get up and go, no matter what -but all he does is work and work. I don't think I'm driven by the need to survive, or the drive to be the best, or to have a lot of money. I just want a loving relationship, true friends, and a healthy-active social life. Trouble is, although that comes easy for some people, I've always struggled to achieve this and my parents don't seem to understand.

I used to be shy as a kid and although I've mostly grown out of it now, I still struggle to relate/socialise with people my own age (& teenagers). I just feel different/abnormal (-although I don't necessarily look like a person who doesn't fit in). Furthermore, although I'm less independent when compared to my peers, I'm a bit more mature in the sense that I want more to life than to just go out drinking/clubbing every weekend. I guess I just don't know how to go about making friends that I can relate to. I've tried volunteering/ getting a part-time job and I'm at college now but I don't feel that I've made much, if any progress in regards to this..

Anyway, as for the counselling, my mother and father are getting a divorce. My mother is beyond unreasonable and she'll flat out deny or twist reality to prove that she doesn't need any help and that we're all the bad guys/'scumbags'. And as for my dad, he doesn't like to talk about his personal life to strangers.

@thickntired

Sorry to hear that.. Yea I have a much better relationship with my dad. I've talked to him about this stuff, but to be honest, I don't think he knows what to do either. I have one relative that I can rely on in the future, if need be, but he's in his mid 80's..

Yea.. To be honest, it hasn't really sunk in. He looks and acts the same so I guess it hasn't really sunk in yet..