[nomadic4now]

Sorry for the length, but it is a story that has played out for 16 years and I need some resolution.
When I was 20 years old I met a woman who was 30. She had moved back to the US after being in Hawaii for 5 years. I owned a business and she began working and living with me. We had a incredible relationship and “clicked” on levels that now at 37 see are rare to come by. During the 1.5 years she cheated on me numerous times with a extremely wealthy man who paid for her breast augmentation and also her school for massage therapy. It crushed me but I was in love and thought it would pass. I began to want to marry her, I now know I thought that would stop the cheating. After she received her license she began massaging another wealthy older man who of course she began sleeping with and ultimately left me for.
The time after she left was a very dark period. I lost my business because I would not leave my house. I began the journey of using women and throwing them away in a very hurtful way. It put me on a path of destruction and changed my values as a young man.
I got married to a girl years later. One night we were at a bar and I see my ex’s brother in law, I told him I was still in love with her while my wife sat and listened. Soon after I left the US for 9 years working overseas and that’s when my behavior and attitudes toward women really took a turn. Living in Dubai and South East Asia women were nothing more than something to use and throw money at. I loved my lifestyle, but deep down hated what I had become. I never forgot about her and the betrayal, the horrible things she said and did to me.
After returning home and getting my mind right I finally decided to call her. I told her that I was still in love with her and had always loved her. She had just recently finally left the man she left me for, tired of being treated as a possession and mentally beaten down. I helped her get back on her feet and we are now living together again. I rescued her then and have once again done the same.
I am madly in love with this woman. She completes me in ways no other ever has been able to and our relationship is always great.
The problem is I am constantly back there, back when this was done to me. She has apologized and said it was the worst mistake of her life and acknowledges what a horrible person she was. How do I let this go? How can I be happy? I feel as though I wasn’t good enough for her then, so why am I all of a sudden good enough for her now, because she is 47 and can’t get away with the past behavior? I am so confused and can’t take the sleepless nights and constant battle inside. She treats me better than anyone ever has, if we didn’t have a past together I would be ecstatic to have met her now in my life.
I would really appreciate it if someone would take the time to help me sort this out and get my thoughts in line. Thanks…

[Tiger Dust]

Ok.

1. What is it that you love about her? You've said a lot about her here but nothing to indication WHY you think she's so wonderful....if anything, I'd say the opposite.

[Travelinglady]

Hello and welcome to Psych Central!

I don't think you have really forgiven her. Maybe it could help to talk to a therapist.

[Panda_eyes]

Everyone makes mistakes and deserve a second chance. If she makes you so happy and you feel comfortable and happy with each other why not enjoy the moment instead of living in the past and letting it ruin what present and future happiness that you could have with her?
Yes. Nobody can ever predict what's going to happen in the future, and from your post you seem to be happy now, give and focus on this relationship with the 100% effort it needs to succeed instead anchoring yourself to the past.
Best of Luck!