[Rose86]

I don't know where to start. I don't want to suffer hurt anymore. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 1/2 years. I have trust issues stemmed from things in my past and I guess I haven't completely learned to trust again. I check my boyfriend's phones, emails, etc. He has a lot of female friends which I am okay with but what I am not really okay with is that he doesn't introduce me to them. I have met all of his guy friends but when it comes to his female friends I am just supposed to trust him when I don't even know them. In the past he thought it was okay to spend time with a female friend alone like at his house or something and he has agreed not to do that anymore. I have caught him in the past spending time with a girl that he says is a friend when he told me he had a double music lesson. I have agreed that I would try my hardest to trust, to not accuse, to let him hang out in public, and talk to them on the phone, if he promised to be honest with me, and not delete, not hide his texting/phone conversations with these girls and if he was to hang out with them. He knows I look at his phone. This morning I found a way on his phone to see his deleted texts/calls and he deleted a texting/phone conversation that I am not able to see between him and a girl that lives up towards Chicago. I have been okay with him talking to other girls and haven't flipped out like I use to in the past. But all of a sudden he deletes conversing with this girl that he says is just a friend he hasn't seen in 5 years? He told me it is just a habit of deleting, but I told him we agreed he wouldn't delete anything anymore and he has left text/phone conversations with other girls but why did he delete this one? If it is just habit like he says why didn't he delete all the others with different girls? I just feel like I am really trying my hardest, that I am trying to compromise with allowing him to talk/hang out if he is honest and him deleting stuff doesn't help with my trusting. Today he has an overnight business meeting up towards Chicago and fessed that he made plans to meet to have dinner with her on his way up there. If he would have just left the conversing on his phone and told me his plans originally I wouldn't be upset as of now. It's his secretiveness that keeps making me want to look at things. I believe two people of the opposite sex should be friends, but I also believe in honesty and boundaries. I wish he was honest with me, and I wish I could at least get a feel for these girls too, to know who they are. I don't know why he has to hide his "girl" friends and whatever they do, or talk about away from me. I love him and he says he loves me and doesn't want to break up, because this morning I asked him. And with my trust issues he blames me and says I shouldn't look at his phone. I wish he would see that I am trying not too, and that I only do because I get the "feeling" due to his secretiveness. He seems like he doesn't care when I am upset a lot of the time. This morning he said he should be able to do whatever he wants and he has said that a few times before. I want to trust again, I want to have a normal happy relationship, but I don't want to be hurt like this anymore. It probably doesn't help that I have major depression and quit taking my medicine a few years ago. I just want to know is it really all my fault or is he to partially blame also? :/

[kaliope]

Hi rose
well it is a little on both. your insecurities and the fact that he is keeping things from you to feed those insecurities. the fact that he doesn't have a problem letting you read his texts and emails shou8ld give you some measure of trust. welcome to psych central. you will find that we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome.

[flytomoon]

I had the similar problem with you. I didn't fully trust my ex boyfriend, he was very much sociable, he told me he had 2000+ contacts on his phone but he never allowed me to check his phone. I chose to trust him when he said he loved me because I could feel the love from him.