I am in this situation and I am not sure if I should be paying a larger percentage of the meals and outings that we partake in. She is 11 years older and makes about twice as much.

Currently I pay about 70% of the time, but I am being pressured into allowing her to pay.

I am thinking of basing the payments only on the proportion of money that each of us makes compared to the other.

Therefore I would be paying about 33% of the time.

Do you feel that this is acceptable for a male?

[hvert]

If your girlfriend agrees with that and you are okay with it, it's fine, yes.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

I am in this situation and I am not sure if I should be paying a larger percentage of the meals and outings that we partake in. She is 11 years older and makes about twice as much.

Currently I pay about 70% of the time, but I am being pressured into allowing her to pay.

I am thinking of basing the payments only on the proportion of money that each of us makes compared to the other.

Therefore I would be paying about 33% of the time.

Do you feel that this is acceptable for a male?

if she is the one that is offering/pressuring to be allowed to pay, by all means let her, it's a way of showing appreciation for you, just because you're a guy doesn't mean you have pay all the time. it sounds like you got a good one. my ex , when we were together she paid for dates/dinners sometimes. most of the time i paid cause i make more, but i'm sure she's aware of your financial situation and doesn't want to put a strain on you. this is a different world than it was 50 yrs ago, there are plenty of women out there making good money now & if she wants to pick up the tab, why not. it doesn't make you any less of a man at all

Thanks, I'm just concerned about what other people think about it, really.

[Lorn]

Seeing as how men and women both have jobs and therefore income now, it's up to the couple to decide who pays so that they can both enjoy each other's company. People in a "the man must pay" mindset are stuck in the days when women had nothing to pay with.

[Rose3]

And - who decides about where the two of you go for the meals and outings. Is each person having equal input about these decisions (which relates to the costs)?

[smmath]

Does it really matter what other people think about it?

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

I am in this situation and I am not sure if I should be paying a larger percentage of the meals and outings that we partake in. She is 11 years older and makes about twice as much.

Currently I pay about 70% of the time, but I am being pressured into allowing her to pay.

I am thinking of basing the payments only on the proportion of money that each of us makes compared to the other.

Therefore I would be paying about 33% of the time.

Do you feel that this is acceptable for a male?

Perfectly acceptable. You are two consenting adults. Binary gender norms are outdated, over-simplistic, and overrated.

Originally Posted by Rose3

And - who decides about where the two of you go for the meals and outings. Is each person having equal input about these decisions (which relates to the costs)?

We have equal input but I normally don't have many suggestions as I am very indecisive and I am happy to allow her to choose.

[marmaduke]

If she earns more it would be better if she pays more, its logical.
Don't worry about other people.

[Grey Matter]

Throw away "the male needs to pay" mentality, we're all broke here lol my partner and I split payments on everything, and if one of us is struggling more, we pick it up for the other. No worries.

[Perna]

My husband and I are retired and use "our" individual credit cards and he pays most of the time but if he's "busy" or still eating, etc. I will pay, depends on what is happening when it is time to pay. Why not create a joint "recreation" account or something and just pay from there. When we go on vacation, who buys what gets all intertwined for us (if I make the reservation for a hotel, for example, it goes on my credit card).

[mycatsmokes]

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

I am thinking of basing the payments only on the proportion of money that each of us makes compared to the other.

In my experience, women don't really go for sliding scale payments based on income.

Closest thing I tried getting her to pay was when I forgot my wallet on a first date with a woman. I had to say, "Sorry. I forgot my money. Can you buy the coffees? Uh... can I have this Danish too?"

I didn't get a second date.

That's a personal choice, no amount of rules by other people should be followed, it shoudl be decided between the two people.

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

Thanks, I'm just concerned about what other people think about it, really.

Who gives two sh!ts about what other people think? On top of that 99% of the time when you're out no one is even going to notice or pay attention to who paid the check or portion thereof. This is all between you and your partner, period.

Why does it even matter what they think?

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

I am thinking of basing the payments only on the proportion of money that each of us makes compared to the other.

If money matters are all that big of a deal in a dating relationship, your issues are deeper than financing because it should be the least of your worries when courting a woman.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

I am in this situation and I am not sure if I should be paying a larger percentage of the meals and outings that we partake in. She is 11 years older and makes about twice as much.

Currently I pay about 70% of the time, but I am being pressured into allowing her to pay.

I am thinking of basing the payments only on the proportion of money that each of us makes compared to the other.

Therefore I would be paying about 33% of the time.

Do you feel that this is acceptable for a male?

Since, she's insisting on paying, why not? She's not offering to pay, all the time, is she? Then, I can see your concern, to an extent

[NWgirl2013]

Whoever wants to pay should pay. You are worried about what people think of this but not what they would think of you with an older woman?
Its a new world with new rules, obviously what others think shouldn't matter.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by mycatsmokes

In my experience, women don't really go for sliding scale payments based on income.

Closest thing I tried getting her to pay was when I forgot my wallet on a first date with a woman. I had to say, "Sorry. I forgot my money. Can you buy the coffees? Uh... can I have this Danish too?"

I didn't get a second date.

ha ha ha ha ha ha, too funny! were you embarrassed or what?
i would have wanted to dig a hole to crawl in! oh, btw that's a cool avatar you got there!!

[mycatsmokes]

Originally Posted by trying2survive

ha ha ha ha ha ha, too funny! were you embarrassed or what?
i would have wanted to dig a hole to crawl in! oh, btw that's a cool avatar you got there!!

Very slightly embarrassed, yes. But... I unexpectedly got a free coffee and Danish out of it. And the woman probably thought, "thank God I don't have to see that cheapskate again". So a win-win outcome for everyone really!

I don't think age is relevant, and I'm not sure the income is either. Unless the agreement beforehand is that everyone pays for self, then whoever invites the other should pay, IMO. According to what I read in an old 1950's-era dating manual for teens, though, if she wants to save his face in public she can slip him the cash discreetly before they go out, and he can look like he's paying.

I agree that you've got a good one if she's willing to pay her share, and that men shouldn't have to pay all the time just because they're men. Gender is irrelevant too, just as age and income are. My husband's ex worked at the same place he did, and had a comparable income. But in her way of thinking, paying bills was his responsibility. She actually said, "The man is supposed to take care of the woman." The money she earned, she spent on her own enjoyment, and wouldn't do a thing to help run the household. I don't think that's right. If we're equal, we're equal. Not identical, but equal. We can't have it both ways, insisting, "I should earn just as much as a man does," and then then turn right around and say, "The man should take care of the woman."

I don't feel that I am old-fashioned, I just think I would be ridiculed easily if other people knew about this.

Originally Posted by Lovebird

I don't think age is relevant, and I'm not sure the income is either. Unless the agreement beforehand is that everyone pays for self, then whoever invites the other should pay, IMO. According to what I read in an old 1950's-era dating manual for teens, though, if she wants to save his face in public she can slip him the cash discreetly before they go out, and he can look like he's paying.

I agree that you've got a good one if she's willing to pay her share, and that men shouldn't have to pay all the time just because they're men. Gender is irrelevant too, just as age and income are. My husband's ex worked at the same place he did, and had a comparable income. But in her way of thinking, paying bills was his responsibility. She actually said, "The man is supposed to take care of the woman." The money she earned, she spent on her own enjoyment, and wouldn't do a thing to help run the household. I don't think that's right. If we're equal, we're equal. Not identical, but equal. We can't have it both ways, insisting, "I should earn just as much as a man does," and then then turn right around and say, "The man should take care of the woman."

I like to take care of my date, but that's just how I am, it's not about me being a man, nor does it have anything to do with the role. I would do the same in a situation where it was a male friend that I thought highly of. If someone offers to pay for me, i might hesitate but would still find it generous and I would let them, because part of giving to others is about letting them actually give back to you too. It matters very little if they are my date or someone I just am out and about with, period.

Of course I would never ask a girl out on a date if I didn't have the dough to take care of the date in the first place. In that situation, it won't happen unless I can afford the date. Again, not gender related but just principle that if I ask someone out, I should be "taking them out" where it should be assumed I am paying unless otherwise agreed upon.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by mycatsmokes

Very slightly embarrassed, yes. But... I unexpectedly got a free coffee and Danish out of it. And the woman probably thought, "thank God I don't have to see that cheapskate again". So a win-win outcome for everyone really!

aww, you didn't need her anyway if she was going to be like that, sh** happens, right?

[hvert]

Don't tell anyone else and they won't know