[maymaymay]

My 22-y/o BP boyfriend is not on medication or getting therapy. We were supposed to go this week but he suddenly bailed last week. Why did he bail? I don't know. But things were going relatively well (and I say relatively because he was being distant with me for two weeks and last week he said he hates me but he loves me) when I happened to mention to him that I wanted to go out with friends I haven't seen in months. His distance towards me jumped several hundred kilometers farther. He suddenly said that he's leaving. That he doesn't want us anymore. That it was over. He hasn't contacted me since then.

It's been five days and I broke No Contact today. I asked for my things back and also wished him well and told him that he always has a friend in me to support his journey to recovery. Still no reply. I checked his Facebook and lo and behold: he has a new picture with his ex up, and he was wearing the shirt I gave him for Christmas. He even changed his email profile photo to it. That's how I feel he's doing it on purpose to either hurt me or make me feel jealous. What should I do?

He has broken up with me a few times before, but it only took a day or two for him to come back and he never did something like this. What's the likelihood of him coming back to me right now? What can I do to make the hurt I feel right now go away?.. Will he still come back like he did before?

[Travelinglady]

Hi, maymaymay, and welcome to Psych Central! I am sorry about the break-up. Does "BP" means he has "borderline personality"? If so, then that would explain a lot of his behavior. He really needs to be in treatment.

I have no crystal ball, so I can't predict the likelihood of his returning, but I am thinking he is trying to make the break with what he did on Facebook. I am thinking you need to try to move on.

As far as getting over it, of course you are going to grieve. Maybe someone else can offer some suggestions for how to get on with your life. Hey, PC folks, what say you? Hang in here. We care and want to help.

[Elektra_]

hi. for me, he seems more borderline than bipolar. did u ask what was the reason for breaking up? is it possible hes in fact with his ex? sorry that hes acting this way, seems immature.

[maymaymay]

Originally Posted by Travelinglady

Hi, maymaymay, and welcome to Psych Central! I am sorry about the break-up. Does "BP" means he has "borderline personality"? If so, then that would explain a lot of his behavior. He really needs to be in treatment.

I have no crystal ball, so I can't predict the likelihood of his returning, but I am thinking he is trying to make the break with what he did on Facebook. I am thinking you need to try to move on.

As far as getting over it, of course you are going to grieve. Maybe someone else can offer some suggestions for how to get on with your life. Hey, PC folks, what say you? Hang in here. We care and want to help.

Thank you for your reply! He says he's bipolar but we haven't gotten an assessment yet. We were supposed to do that and then he suddenly backed out. I don't know if he was scared that my wanting to be with a friend would make me want to break up with him (that's a fear he had that he told me about months ago). But still, I really didn't expect the whole facebook thing

I'll read up on borderline personality. Thank you!

[maymaymay]

Originally Posted by Elektra_

hi. for me, he seems more borderline than bipolar. did u ask what was the reason for breaking up? is it possible hes in fact with his ex? sorry that hes acting this way, seems immature.

He didn't say. He just text messaged me last Thursday, and I quote:
"I'm leaving. I don't want us anymore. It's over. Take care of yourself. I wish you well." And then he didn't text anything else. I was so angry that I didn't contact him until yesterday, when I tried to call him about some stuff I wanted back, and to tell him that I still hope he gets assessed for his longterm wellbeing and that he would always have a friend in me to support his recovery. I feel really bad mostly because I didn't know he was that immature to resort to doing that. I don't think he's with his ex though, they're just friends. His ex really doesn't like me though haha!

[leomama]

Hi, has he received an actual diagnosis and if so, how?

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[maymaymay]

Originally Posted by leomama

Hi, has he received an actual diagnosis and if so, how?

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He hasn't yet. But he keeps telling me that he's been doing research and everything he's feeling points to Bipolar type II. We were supposed to get him assessed but then he bailed.

[lightinthesky]

Usually when it is really over you feel deep deep inside that it is really over this time..

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[maymaymay]

Originally Posted by lightinthesky

Usually when it is really over you feel deep deep inside that it is really over this time..

Sent from my SM-N9005 using Tapatalk

That's the thing though I'm so confused! I don't know if it's really over or he's doing the thing that he usually does and leaves for a bit and comes back after a few days.. I hate not knowing..

[maymaymay]

Originally Posted by leomama

Hi, has he received an actual diagnosis and if so, how?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

He hasn't received one yet but he kept telling me that with his research, he really feels he has bipolar type ii since all his feelings match. We were supposed to get assessed this Monday but then he bailed. I honestly just want to make sure he's okay but I'm worried that he might think I'm trying to get back to him. I don't know if he's experiencing mania right now while he's talking to his ex (who doesn't like me) so I'm worried for his longterm wellbeing..

[Elektra_]

hi hun. i dont get how someone can break up with another person over the phone. even if he was to come back, u shouldnt let him act this way. he has been doing this and u always accept him. he needs to know that this behavior is not acceptable. so dont contact him anymore. with this behavior he does seem to have at least traits of borderline. u deserve better than someone immature playing games.

Originally Posted by maymaymay

He didn't say. He just text messaged me last Thursday, and I quote:
"I'm leaving. I don't want us anymore. It's over. Take care of yourself. I wish you well." And then he didn't text anything else. I was so angry that I didn't contact him until yesterday, when I tried to call him about some stuff I wanted back, and to tell him that I still hope he gets assessed for his longterm wellbeing and that he would always have a friend in me to support his recovery. I feel really bad mostly because I didn't know he was that immature to resort to doing that. I don't think he's with his ex though, they're just friends. His ex really doesn't like me though haha!

[lightinthesky]

Did he answer to you when you contacted him yesterday?
My bf that I have been with for 4 years broke up with me over the phone, even tho he seemed to be very mature and smart and we had very serious relationship, I guess some men just don't get that it is disrespectful and not right/good thing to do. Trust me I know how hard it is for you but just think do you really want to be with someone ho has left more than once already? won't you be always scared that even if he comes back he might leave again? I know it is easy to give advice and talk when it is not you in the actual situation but sometimes putting your emotions and feelings away is such a good thing to do and I wish it wasn't so hard to do it but maybe you are stronger and you can do it
P.S it doesn't really matter who he is with, just the fact that he did put this pic is also disrespectful and wasn't necessary to do it.

[maymaymay]

Originally Posted by lightinthesky

Did he answer to you when you contacted him yesterday?
My bf that I have been with for 4 years broke up with me over the phone, even tho he seemed to be very mature and smart and we had very serious relationship, I guess some men just don't get that it is disrespectful and not right/good thing to do. Trust me I know how hard it is for you but just think do you really want to be with someone ho has left more than once already? won't you be always scared that even if he comes back he might leave again? I know it is easy to give advice and talk when it is not you in the actual situation but sometimes putting your emotions and feelings away is such a good thing to do and I wish it wasn't so hard to do it but maybe you are stronger and you can do it
P.S it doesn't really matter who he is with, just the fact that he did put this pic is also disrespectful and wasn't necessary to do it.

No, he didn't answer Thank you for the advice. I really need to learn to put my emotions away and be stronger. You're right. I don't want to be with someone who always leaves and just comes back when he feels like it. And yes, the pic is so disrespectful! I lost so much respect for him when he did that.

[maymaymay]

Originally Posted by Elektra_

hi hun. i dont get how someone can break up with another person over the phone. even if he was to come back, u shouldnt let him act this way. he has been doing this and u always accept him. he needs to know that this behavior is not acceptable. so dont contact him anymore. with this behavior he does seem to have at least traits of borderline. u deserve better than someone immature playing games.

Thank you Elektra You're right. I deserve someone much better. And the best part is, now I'm free from someone who's that immature!!

[liliacmoon]

It seems like after a breakup they are so spiteful even though they were the ones who hurt us. Its funny because they end up coming back but you are better off with someone normal. If they will not seek help, there is nothing you can do and we deserve better.