[fancypoppy]

Hi all

I have just come to the end of a three year relationship with my boyfriend. He suffers from BPD and making me insecure has been a feature of our relationship. I always got upset when he pulled away as he felt ashamed and unworthy and he always came back and I took him back as I love him. I have always felt he didnt work hard at therapy, going when he needed to but giving up as soon as things were good. I tried to reason with him but he never listened. Last week he was so horrible and something snapped inside me and I gave up. He could sense i was pulling away so dumped me in a very cold way. I was upset but accepted it. He has asked if we can be friends, keep in touch, him come and see me and have fun and see how things go in the future. I said no. He got angry. I feel I have to walk away. Since then I have had no real contact from him and even though I know that is good I am missing him so much and at times want to call him/text him but something in me stops me. I have told friends about us splitting up but he has said nothing about it so I assume he thinks this is a break and I dont blame him as I have always gone back.
I worry about him. I want him to be okay but feel I need to stay away. I keep asking myself if I have done the right thing or just added to his distress.

Thanks

[hvert]

That sounds really hard, but it's good that you are taking care of yourself. Your boyfriend sounds like he has some problems he needs to work out. I agree with you that no contact is a good choice. It's hard, but it does help end the cycle it sounds like you two have been in for a while.

[waiting4]

I agree with hvert....at this point, you need to worry about yourself. I know you worry for him, and having been in the place you are recently myself, I totally get your concern. Try to stay strong, and focus on your own emotional health.

[Rose3]

I wonder why he gives up about therapy? In what ways is he horrible? Yet - you snap yourself - so perhaps take a look at that too (because you are responsible for your actions). Are there other ways to respond instead of snapping? So, he dumps along with suggesting having fun and seeing how things go - you object to this. Are you sure that you object to this? What would you like to change? It might be a split. So look after yourself.

[beechwood]

perhaps this a new start for the both of you.....he needs time to deal with his situation and you need to move on...sounds like the relationship was becoming unhealthy for the both of you and it just came to it's conclusion.....stay positive and don't second guess yourself.....beechwood