[NuckingFutz]

I am in a new long distance relationship that's not going to happen even though my partner thinks it is.

I met him because he flirted with me. I didn't know that he flirted with others. When I found out I was shocked and he claims he didn't know he was hurting me and other people. He appologized but I don't trust him anymore.

I even tried to break it off a couple of times and he used really special words to reel me back in.

I see the relationship as something that will not work out in the long run but he won't give up and I am so tired of him reeling me back in. Part of me just wants to the relationship fade as I don't see us ever meeting again, he says he will but I don't see how. We don't have the money to do that.

Even as we speak, he's appologizing to the other women that he flirted with. He appolgized for flirting but he's talking to the same women he flirted with to begin with claiming he's sorry and won't do it again.

I don't know how to tell him again that it won't work. We basically communicate via instant messaging.

I've also found his communication style boring to me and he cannot focus on one thing at a time.

I feel manipulated but don't know how to stop this relationship, it's like an addiction to nothing.

We live far apart and only met once even though we talk most of the day.

I know staying in the relationship is sick but I can't stop myself, I feel addicted to my computer and him despite all this.

I know this is not healthy and I don't know how to stop.

[Rose3]

There seem to be several aspects of all this that concern you. There's the issue of how to deal with him. First step, consider what is this relationship about? Do you want this to continue? Do you want this to decrease, or to stop completely? Altho, you have also described addiction. Yet, you feel manipulated - so perhaps spend more thought and time in consideration of this - the various ways that this has happened, and what some options would be for you, to avoid repeating the pattern, or to sooner recognize when it's happening, or to be certain that it is manipulation. With addiction (you've mentioned computer, and this relationship) - you could set limits on your behaviour, or decrease, or stop, or find substitutes. Thing is - do you want these to continue? You have the power to decide and to control what happens. If you want this relationship to fade, you can do that. Just allow more time pauses (eg. your responses, that is, don't respond right away). From your description, it sounds like he flirts a lot, so this is something that's important to recognize and acknowledge (is this likely to change?).