[Hatter08]

People always make the mistake of assuming that I'm shy. When people see me by myself, the advice they either give me is to 'not worry what people think about me' or to 'step out of my comfort zone.' The thing is I really don't care what people think about me at all, I don't feel shy when I talk to people, I just don't know what to say. The way I cope with this is to just try and get people to talk about themselves.

The problem I have here is that I just draw a blank when I'm talking to people. I don't want to be by myself but every time I talk to someone, it turns into me just listening to them talk, responding with 'yeah' every once in a while and a bunch of long awkward pauses. I really just don't know what to do and was also wondering if anyone has the same issue. I'm just getting tired of people assuming I'm shy or insecure. I just don't know what to say.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by Hatter08

People always make the mistake of assuming that I'm shy. When people see me by myself, the advice they either give me is to 'not worry what people think about me' or to 'step out of my comfort zone.' The thing is I really don't care what people think about me at all, I don't feel shy when I talk to people, I just don't know what to say. The way I cope with this is to just try and get people to talk about themselves.

The problem I have here is that I just draw a blank when I'm talking to people. I don't want to be by myself but every time I talk to someone, it turns into me just listening to them talk, responding with 'yeah' every once in a while and a bunch of long awkward pauses. I really just don't know what to do and was also wondering if anyone has the same issue. I'm just getting tired of people assuming I'm shy or insecure. I just don't know what to say.

i know this is probably going to sound stupid...but i'm going to say it anyway.
you can start by talking about the weather, it's something everyone cares about & i do this with strangers all the time. talk about things you are familiar with when talking to someone, say what's on your mind ( i wouldn't advise being rude!) ask questions, people that are talkative love answering questions..keeps the conversation going,talk about similar topics, no shortage of things to talk about these days i can go on and on all day and night.it sounds like you are more listening than engaging yourself in the conversation.
that will tend to make the other person run out of things to say or stop talking because they think you're not interested in what they are saying..hope this helps!

[Travelinglady]

The best thing, I think, is to draw them out about their interests and hobbies. Ideally, you will find someone you share some interests and hobbies with and then you will have things to talk about.

Maybe you could start by mentioning some of yours, to see if they can relate....

Reading? Sports? Movies? Travel? whatever.

One thought, anyway.

And yes, the weather is a safe place to begin. Could lead to a mention of places you have lived and the weather there and giving them a chance to reciprocate.....

[hvert]

I have a very similar problem! I encourage people to talk about themselves and then wind up feeling disgruntled when they never ask about me or stop talking. I do think that 'talkers' are drawn to people who are more quiet-- we put up with them. A person who knows how a regular conversation should go will avoid the overly talkative and quiet (this is my theory as someone who doesn't know how a regular conversation should go).

I am still trying to figure this out too, so I don't have very good advice, but I wanted you to know that you are not alone. The problem I have with talking about hobbies is that I will let the other person tell me everything they think about X, even if I do X too, and not say very much about how I do X myself.

I am trying to insert more information about myself into my conversations, but I am not sure where that will lead. It's a lot of work to change a conversational style!

Originally Posted by Hatter08

People always make the mistake of assuming that I'm shy. When people see me by myself, the advice they either give me is to 'not worry what people think about me' or to 'step out of my comfort zone.' The thing is I really don't care what people think about me at all, I don't feel shy when I talk to people, I just don't know what to say. The way I cope with this is to just try and get people to talk about themselves.

The problem I have here is that I just draw a blank when I'm talking to people. I don't want to be by myself but every time I talk to someone, it turns into me just listening to them talk, responding with 'yeah' every once in a while and a bunch of long awkward pauses. I really just don't know what to do and was also wondering if anyone has the same issue. I'm just getting tired of people assuming I'm shy or insecure. I just don't know what to say.

Pretty much I know what you mean. I can make initial conversation with people but after that, I draw a blank, get uncomfortable and all becuase I have no idea what to talk about or what to say. So I avoid talking too much altogether for fear of it coming to tht point.