[ace333]

is it normal to imagine how my life would be if i was single? i have been with my guy for almost 6 years and i love him and would never just leave him out of the blue, but there are times when i find myself imagining what my life could be without him.
for example im very adventurous and would love to travel the world, if money would allow it....he doesn't. id love to take week long vacations to a beach...he doesn't. im very much into the idea of picking up and moving anywhere new and exciting and seeing what will happen...he doesn't want to move anywhere away from his friends ( it drives me insane) i never imagine meeting other guys or anything like that more so just the freedom to go anywhere at anytime and see new places, but then at the same time i get sad because i would want him to be there with me and share in the experiences. sometimes i admittingly feel stuck and like im wasting my life being with him waiting around for him to want to do the things i want to do, but it never happens, but like i said i love him very much and im not going to just leave him over these thoughts...is this weird to imagine my life like this? does anyone else imagine things like this?

[hvert]

Yeah, I think about that sometimes too (also six years together), mostly when he's yapping at me and I'm trying to read

Sometimes I feel the same way you do, that being with him is holding me back from what I really want to do -- but the truth is that we are the ones holding ourselves back.

Since you can't change him, maybe you could figure out how to make your travel dreams come true without him. Maybe a girlfriend would go to the beach with you. I've done vacations without my boyfriend. Yeah, I wish he was there, but if he doesn't want to go or can't get time off from work...

If your bf is like mine, he probably has hobbies you don't participate in. There's no reason you can't have your own (like travel).

[danvb]

Can you see yourself with this guy in 30 years? How do you think you'll feel then? Is it possible to live your life on your own terms and still love him? Is it possible for you to live your life on your own terms and still have him love you? Can you live your life on his terms and still love yourself? Can you reach a satisfying compromise where you can do some of the things you want to do while also being satisfied to share in his lifestyle? Is it possible for you to both be individuals and do the sorts of things you each want to do AND be a couple at the same time?

Is it possible for you to both find that balance?

Balance is the key.

This is coming from a guy who's been taking part in an extremely happy marriage for upwards of 40 years now.

Compromise is not a dirty word. When it comes from your heart, it isn't a compromise. It's just what couples do when they love each other.

Balance...

Originally Posted by ace333

is it normal to imagine how my life would be if i was single? i have been with my guy for almost 6 years and i love him and would never just leave him out of the blue, but there are times when i find myself imagining what my life could be without him.
for example im very adventurous and would love to travel the world, if money would allow it....he doesn't. id love to take week long vacations to a beach...he doesn't. im very much into the idea of picking up and moving anywhere new and exciting and seeing what will happen...he doesn't want to move anywhere away from his friends ( it drives me insane) i never imagine meeting other guys or anything like that more so just the freedom to go anywhere at anytime and see new places, but then at the same time i get sad because i would want him to be there with me and share in the experiences. sometimes i admittingly feel stuck and like im wasting my life being with him waiting around for him to want to do the things i want to do, but it never happens, but like i said i love him very much and im not going to just leave him over these thoughts...is this weird to imagine my life like this? does anyone else imagine things like this?

In no way can this be a positive thing on the relationship itself as the old saying goes 'the grass is always greener...' and although it's not another guy that's the "grass" in this case, it's still considering something other than being with the one you're with.

Thing is it's a warning flag for you. Whether that means something needs to happen in you or the relationship or both, you'll have to figure out but the fact is if you don't deal with this temptation, it will only get worse.

The only thing that would make me think one would consider any other situation than with the one they are commited to is disatisfaction. What are you dissatisfied, why, and what can you do about it? If it's about something he's doing or not doing, ask yourself if this is new. If it's how he's always been and you're just now wanting it to change, ask yourself why you accepted it before and not now. If it's new, then you need to find out why things have changed, what has happened, whether it's something you've done or just situational.

Figure out what, why, and who... related to your dissatisfying situation and then decide if it's something you can change, talk to him about or not. Don't write off the relationship until you know that it's not something that can be remedied.

This is a warning flag and you need to get to the root of it.